Title: Living A Happy Life

Author: Annabelle

E-mail: hannah@pred.ml.org

Rating: G-PG

Author's Notes: Hello guys, I'm back again with this one-parter. It's (once
again) about Mamoru and Usagi (Usagi mainly). But this time, I'm writing a
story with a different theme, where things end differently. This is a
slightly-depressing story. But I assure you, this won't have a bad ending, a
happy one, actually. READ THIS! Or else I know that some of you may go on
pressing the "Back" button somewhere in the middle of the story. Oh, and
this happens four years after Sailor Stars.

Disclaimer: Sailormoon is not my mine, but is the sole property of Naoko
Takeuchi, Kondansha, Dic, and all other respective companies. I don't claim
ownership for it, nor do I want to violate any rights.

Thanks/Credits: Thanks again to the Big G, Marmee, and Dr, Kuya. Thanks also
go to Luna & Artemis for posting this story.

Etc: Hey guys, I have my own website! The address is:
http://www.members.tripod.com/Annabelle_Guillermo/intro.htm
Go ahead and visit it!

Oh, and about the third chapter of "To Remember the Truth," I have a rough
draft that canbe found on my web page.

Merry Christmas everybody!

That's all, enjoy the story!

Living A Happy Life
Written by Annabelle Guillermo
Edited by Dr. Kuya

It was a beautiful day, and I smiled as I stared outside, taking in the
beautiful surroundings. The wind brushed past my window and carressed me.
Feeling refreshed, I stared at the trees as they formed varying crystal
lights as their leaves danced with the wind. And I smiled once more, yes, it
was a beautiful day.

But I was still plagued by disturbing questions.

I pulled a few long strands of golden hair behind my ears as I pulled my
wooden chair closer to the window and pushed it wider. I pulled a soft
pillow from the bed and placed it slowly behind my head, ever cautiously
fitting my "odangos" comfortably in them. I began to reflect again, in the
same way I had every year, no, as I have every now and then.

I smiled sadly, I remembered when everything was normal, when you were here
to accompany watch this beautiful site. Oh Mamo-chan, where have you gone? I
asked once again. And I sighed hopelessly, burying my head in my hands. He
will never come back.

We were meant together, and were destined to rule by each other's side. But
all of those were false, honey-coated words -- illusions. He was gone. And
he left me.

I closed my azure eyes, as soft tears began to trail from them, just like
they had a year ago, and many years more from that. Why? WHY did he have to
leave? He brought so my confusion and pain in my life.

I realized that I was slamming my fist against the handles of my chair
already, and I felt new pain course through my hand. But that was like a
drop of rain compared to the great storm I was feeling within me.

He should be here, rubbing his callous, yet gentle hands on my shoulders,
whispering loving words to my ear, comforting me.

"Usako, I'm here, my little rabbit; and I always will. I will never leave
you..."

"...never leave you..."

Yes, those words seemed to echo resoundingly with the wind. The sun was now
gone, and dark clouds replaced them. My friendly wind is starting to play
wildly and enjoy this part of the day to her best mirthlessly. It was
starting to howl. And the surroundings once again reflected my inner
turbulence. I recall those words. He always said those, "Never again,
Usako," his deep voice would say. And I believed them all, ironically, those
I never wanted to believe always came true --like being a scout and facing
resposibility-- but, seemingly, those words I have believed with a passion
never turned in to reality.

For today...

Exactly this very same day, four years ago...

Something happened.

I was twenty then and was a college student taking Creative Writing. A
simple, happy girl with a great boyfriend, and a good education... loving
friends and a nice family. I loved my life. Mamo-chan was everything I ever
wanted, and the girls are all understanding and fun, we were always
together. I guess I never would have expected my life to drastically change
from that moment. Life was about that. Changes, but I only know that now.

Things started to change.

Years ago from this day, a few months earlier, I began to wonder why
Mamo-chan would sometime just disappear and would be nowhere to be found. I
had voiced my questions out earlier, but he had only responded with a sad
smile... I never got to hear his answer. Sometimes, he would get nervous
during our discussions, especially if it involved our future and marriage.
He would always seem tense, and I couldn't understand him. After all the
years we've been together, I had felt that he was hiding soemthing from me.
Those were one of the moments where I couldn't read him.

Oh, but if only I had known...

And that day, I found out the truth.

The Sad Truth.

I was skimming through my school notes, nervous because Mamo-chan hadn't
arrived yet. We were supposed to go on a date. I had been recently doubtful,
in such a way in which I couldn't be blamed. Who wouldn't be? Mamo-chan and
all the unanswered questions, the unexplained disappearances and the usual,
"I have something to do" phrase. How he became tense and uncertain whenever
I talked about being a good wife and mother...

The doubt was building in me... did he find another woman? After all, I was
not the perfect person. He was so intelligent and sweet, and I was but a
silly little girl who had barely managed to get into college. I was just
someone who had a goofy smile on my lips and daydreams all day long. In
fact, he was the only reason I studied and became a good student in college.
He had witnessed all my liabilities. What DID he see in me?

Then, I forgot about the notes I was reading, for my eyes began to blur, and
I could feel tears forming from them. My mind was dangerously tossing around
in confusion and misery. What was happening? Didn't he love me anymore? But
what about the beautiful smiles? The sweet loving words? That expression I
always saw in his eyes whenever I caught him looking at me, what was all
that for?

"Usagi?"

I then heard my mother calling me... is Mamo-chan here? Have I been
imagining these... ugly thoughts all along? I had quickly risen from my
chair and went down to greet him, if ever he was there. I didn't here the
doorbell ring, though.

"Yes, Ma?"

She was on the phone, hunched over. Her eyes were glazed with sympathy. Dad
was beside her, listening intently to whatever part of the conversation he
could hear. There was something wrong. And that 'something' is a thing they
have kept from me. For so long.

My mother replace the phone back in its handle, and looked at me, her face a
mask of sadness. Dad put his arm on her shoulder and nodded at her, as if
telling her to go on.

Those words that followed, they were the beginning of my misery.

"Mamoru-san is in the hospital, and the reason he's in there is something
only he can tell you."

I immediately did as I was told. I was very worried about Mamo-chan and set
out for the hospital immediately. My parents trailed behind me. What did
they know? Why was the whole thing so confusing?

Tears started to form as I saw his room number, and stared at my parents for
any indication on what they thought I should do. I was too confused and
desperate to get mad at them for obviously keeping something from me. To my
surprise, Dad ushered me in the room and gave me a tight smile.

I smiled back and closed the door. I paled when I saw Mamo-chan lying on the
bed, all kinds of apparati on him, but he smiled when our eyes met. And
drawing my coat tightly, I walked closer. I took a deep breath as I put my
hand in his large one. I had to ask him.

"What's going on Mamo-chan?" I asked in a broken whisper, as all my anxiety
during the past months began to pour out of me, "What is happening to you?
To my life?" I turned to look away, "I-I feel so confused. What's with all
the secrecy? The way you disappear, and... this?" I gestured at the bed.

I turned my teary eyes toward his, and found his reflecting my own
expression as well. I didn't move as he raised my hand to his lips, and kiss
it. He looked away.

"I never told you about it, Usako, for fear that you wouldn't take it well."

Take what well? But I didn't speak, knowing that he needed all the time to
explain now. But my eyes asked him the question.

"I thought that I would still be okay. And that you would never get hurt if
you never knew. There were other reasons as well. But, I was wrong, Usa..."
his voice started to quiver. And I saw the tears fall. Raising my hand to
carress his face, I turned him to face me and asked with barely a whisper,
the same question I have been asking, "What?"

"Usako, I... I have Leukemia. And they said there's no hope..."

My hand dropped from its position. No...

Leukemia.

I started crying, "No, Mamo-chan!" I screamed. shaking my head furiously.
"Mamo-chan..."

"Tell me your lying; you're just joking right?" I asked in a broken voice,
tugging at the sleeve of his white hospital shirt. Mamoru just looked at me,
crying as well.

"Mamo-chan, please," I begged him, my voice tight with anxiety "tell me your
lying, tell me!" I said once again, losing my sane composure. "Mamo-chan,
please, please. Tell ME!"

He quickly had me in a tight hug. Holding me against him as our tears
mingled. "Oh, Usako. Don't do this, I love you," his eyes shut, "so much. So
much..."

I sniffed as I lay on his shoulder. But I knew. That was why he was always
gone. He had been in the hospital, and I even suspected him of having
another girlfriend! No wonder, he was always sad, and gave me those pasted
smiles. And the way Mom and Dad would look at me during dinner. It was all
true...

Mamo-chan began to rock me, and I saw him forcing a smile, as if trying to
comfort both of us, "You see, Usako, that was why -- why I was always
worried. You, you're such a special girl," he paused, turning to smile, "and
you had so many dreams. About cooking for me in the morning, and you and me
teaching our baby how to do many things, but Usako, I just..." he choked,
"won't be there for you anymore. Usako, I'm dying."

I sobbed, my chest racking. I couldn't think, I was to listen.

He lifted my chin, "And I just can't bear the thought of, never waking to
see you beside me. Or never, getting to see you try to cheer me up. I might
not even live to see you in a wedding gown."

I clutched his wrist, oh, the pain he was causing.

"Usako, I just want to tell you now how much I love you. You're one great
girl. I knew that from the moment you threw your test paper at me," I let
out a small mirthless laugh as he coughed, "and I will always believe that.
And I want you to know now that I have been happy living the past years with
you in my life. You were the only person who became the beacon of light in
my shrouded life."

He started playing with the tendrils of my hair, as if nothing was wrong,
and his smile grew. "I could never ask for more during those years, only
that I wish I can still make up for the things I did that you never
deserved. And, I wish for you to be happy, my Odango Atama."

He took a deep breath, "I want you to be happy when I'm gone."

"No, Mamo-chan, don't speak that way," I sobbed.

"All, I want is for you to get married to -- a nice man and," he gulped, on
the verge of breaking down again, "have a great family. With beautiful
children as well. Even if the man doesn't happen to be me..."

I hugged him, and he hugged me back. As I continually sobbed on his
shoulder, "I can never do that."

"But you will," he said, smiling at me. I was -had been- confused by his
words.

"But Usako, there's something more that I want. But, it is not my place to
ask you for it. Because I want you to build a new life without me." he
whispered into my ear. "But if there's only one thing I can have, that is
one thing I have to say."

"What is it... I don't care. Tell me," I pleaded him.

"Usako, all I want is to die, to dieas your husband."

Tears were forming on my eyes again. Just like it had years ago. My eyes
were blank, staring at nothing outside.

I married him, knowing that he would die in a matter of weeks. He
had the illness for nearly four months ago. And even the doctors
wondered how he had been able to survive for up to then. And I couldn't help
but feel angry because he told me just now, when the situation was at its
worst condition. But still, I married him, and those weeks were few of the
happiest ones in my life, Mamo-chan even went home with us. Mom and Dad knew
of his ailment already, they learned about it a few months ago, as Mamoru
had explained to them. We stayed at our family's summerhouse. A church
marriage in bed, Minako-chan commented it was sweet. Bittersweet actually.

Two weeks from that, Mamo-chan was taken into the Intensive Care Unit. And a
day from that from that, he died.

It was unlikely, he seemed to look okay when he proposed to me. Or when he
asked me out that day I found out he was sick. but then, I never noticed how
tired he look, or the paleness of his face. For he had always smiled.

But then, he also died with a smile.

He also asked me to do what he had told me the day he asked me to marry him.
I didn't respond, though. I didn't want to hear it. I know what I deserve.

I sighed as looked out. Darien had been buried in my family's plot. After
all, he was a part of the family. Even dad knew that (although I must admit,
I never saw them get along). And I became a widow, a pregnant widow, that
is. I found out that I was pregnant a few days after his death.

Why is life so terrible?

'He is gone, the river's just a river...'

You see, this was the day he died.

I had vowed never to love again. Life was against me, and God took him away
from me. Everything was darkness. Many loved ones were there to comfort me.
But I had shut myself to the world and climbed back inside my shell of
isolation and misery. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, hearing his
words all over again and watching my dreams crumble into ashes as I saw him
in my sleep all over again. And my child, I didn't know how I was going to
raise the baby.

It was frightening, to have no one beside you. He used to be the only one
really there. But he was gone.

I often found myself screaming for him, crying and crying... Everyday I wore
black. And my face became pale, like a whitewashed shell. People always
looked at me with those eyes, eyes that pitied me.

I then realized that life was not worth living anymore. There was nothing
for me. My life was a barren landscape, a sky filled with dark clouds. My
husband left me. And there was no more warmth.

Then he came...

"He" returned. This was a very special person. I used to think of him as
nothing more but a friend with a silly infatuation for me. And as he tried
to help me, I pushed him away. Tentatively, that is. For I never saw his
deeper side before. He talked wisely, with words of wisdom. And began to
ease me off my protective veil of bitter self-pity. But I had rejected him
once again. Unlike me, he immediately seemed to know what Mamo-chan's words
meant.

He came unexpectedly. I didn't know what to think...

He was someone I NEVER thought he could be.

It was eight months after Mamo-chan's death, and I was still mourning as if
he had died a day ago. I thought I was correct, that what I was doing was
what I deserved. But I never knew why what Mamo-chan said he wanted to me do
was very different from what I thought was supposed to happen. But he
enlightened me.

"Here, Usagi, take this," he told me, smiling as he handed me a cone of ice
cream.

I just stared at it, but didn't take it. I started fingering the lace
trimmings of my black dress and didn't speak. I just looked away.

"What is it, what's wrong?" he asked me.

"I'm not ready. I won't be," my simple, yet complicated answer.

He sighed, "It is about him again, isn't it?"

I turned to him, my blonde hair, now limp swung around, a few long strands
escaping the ponytail I have placed it into. My eyes were once again wet.

"Look, please stop CHANGING me. This is what I deserve! The only man I ever
loved had died; my husband. And I'm doing this for him. If this is the path
my life would lead into, then I'd take it."

He looked shocked, but then, he took in what I said and looked down.

"Is that how you really feel?" he asked me quietly.

I looked up, sighing as I tried to get the slight nausea I was feeling off
my head, "Yes... this is what I am supposed to do."

He turned to me, and my eyes met him, "Haven't you learned from what Mamoru
told you?"

"What?" he caught my attention.

He stood up, "Usagi, you never learned. Don't you realize why he never told
you he had Leukemia in the first place? Usagi he wanted you to learn, to
know..."

"What?" I stood up. "What did Mamo-chan want me to learn?"

"I can now see why he loved you so much," I barely heard him mutter under
his breath.

I urged him, "Tell me! I was correct, right? He wants me to remain faithful
to him, and I would, for our love --"

"Oh, Usagi -- would you please STOP thinking THAT way?" he said in
frustration.

"Usagi, do you know why he kept his sickness from you? That's because he
wanted to show you he loved you while there was still time. So to let you
know that he really loves you without all the worries. He wanted to be able
to learn how to prepare you for what was to happen. He wanted to make sure
you were going to be all right.

"He wanted the best for you. He died, asking you to be happy. Usagi, he died
WANTING to see you happy in the future, with all the safety, love and
security you need. not this way, that is why he asked you to marry him. He
wanted to show you that he truly loved you, and that he was willing to give
up his hold on you FOR you."

His words shot through me, "I, I can't do that. I never can..." I whimpered.

"Ah, but Usagi, you will."

His words, those were Mamo-chan's words as well. And that shot a sharp
ribbon of light through the darkness consuming my soul. His words had
reached me straight in my heart. I was not sure what they meant yet, though.
but it was an indication, a simple push, telling me that I had to move on as
well. What he was telling me had some truth, something I had yet to
understand.

I shook and stared away in defeat. I felt so uncertain. I didn't know
whether or not should I continue along the path my life was steering into.
Pain, it was hard. Moving on would mean leaving my Mamo-chan and all those
memories behind. But then, I could feel warmth from this other thing, from
"moving on." Should I remain like this...

I felt his arm on my shoulder, "Don't worry Usagi-chan. That was what he
wanted. It will take time. But never feel ashamed, nor afraid. For I will be
with you. I will help you, and will make sure you get through this," he
said, smiling as he gestured at my full, round belly, "alive and well."

Even now, I wonder about the words he had said, about Mamo-chan's decision.
I have decidedly tried to move on. But I never got to contemplate about what
he said. But that didn't matter much to "him." He helped me go on slowly,
ever so patiently. He was the gentle hands that caught me whenever I fell,
but still, I never found out.

And now, I look at the room I'm in. I stare at the beautiful house I now
live in. My room was very neat, only ruined by a pair of small shoes looking
certainly out of place in the rug carpet. I smile.

There was something I had overlooked throughout these whole four years.

I AM happy now.

I smile as I stood up from the chair and began to walk around the well-
furnished bedroom. Yes, I was happy, and I began to understand...

I walked over to the bed, my hands slowly tracing the intricate patterns on
the antique, wooden posts. This bed was with me throughout this desert of my
life. It was there when I married Mamo-chan, and those were the posts I held
tightly onto during the feelings of ecstasy and pleasure with my beloved.

It was also where he died.

Where I had cried myself for countless nights to sleep. Where all my misery
was at full exposure. Where the pain I felt was always at its height.

But I AM happy.

For then, it reminded me of "him," and my life now, too.

This bed was where I gave birth to my first daughter, Chiba Usagi,
Chibi-Usa. The great bundle of trouble and joy that came into my life. She
gave me a reason to live. Whenever I looked at her, with her short pink
hair, I would always see her papa in her. And she and him became my
lifeline.

And on that very side of the bed, he stood.

There, he stood, beside me, as he comforted me in my tears. And there he
was, watching and anxious, when I gave birth to Chibi-Usa. There, we stood
together, playing with my baby, and laughing with her as if she were his
own.

He became the substitute for Mamo-chan.

Oh, he was the pillar I held through the darkest of times. And here he is
still, watching me, guiding me, always a step behind me.

He was my closest friend, no, he WASN'T my Mamo-chan, but he still gave me
the security and comfort I had needed. He became my Knight in Shining Armor,
always there, my greatest friend and brother.

And that changed.

Although my conscience had bothered me with guilt, I also began looking at
him the way I did at Mamo-chan. He would always reveal that deep, sensitive
side of him whenever he was around me. He always smiled, too. He would also
joke with me by flirting with me. Those words had been vague and decently
said, but still, he said them -- they were VERY evident to me. But he knew
that I KNEW and understood what else concerns that topic.

I had once asked him why he was so concerned about me, and why he was so
understanding and gentle. And I smile, recalling his answer.

He told me that he had felt the same way before, after his mother had died.
His mother, he told me, cared about him and his siblings so much they could
never ask for another mom. And in her love for them, she died. It was a long
story, but all I knew, that despite the pain, and all the mourning, he found
out that mourning wasn't the way to make a deceased loved one happy, but
moving on and enjoying life as it was.

I was quite dubious about that fact, though.

He told me that, although he had accepted his mother's death, he had grown
quite detached from his siblings, and from others as well. That was why
people mostly see him from a different light. He told me (he had been
blushing!) that they all saw him as a carefree, fool-hardly young man who
took all he had for granted. But they never knew who he really was. He told
me secrets he had kept away from others, like the fact that he really loved
poetry and books, and how he was scared people would call him childish for
his endless love for stars and "petty things" like rainbows. He also
revealed to me his childhood secrets and dreams, their escapades and
mischief.

And for that moment, I felt needed, and somehow, someone who understood.

I laughed. He also told me that he was really attracted to me the first time
we met. But he knew that I had someone else and that I would never be his (I
began blushing as well). He had accepted that as well... But what he really
knew from the first moment we meant was that I was the one he would be able
to show his true colors to. He didn't know in what way or aspect, but he had
known that I had to be the one. He told me that he now understood.

That was when I slowly realized that I truly loved him, and am wanting him
with all my heart.

Although many points had still been unclear during that time in my life, our
feelings started to change and to bloom. At night time, after work, I would
always find myself thinking about him, and sometimes ask myself if that was
what Mamo-chan wanted. I would even look at Chibi-Usa, seeing Mamo-chan in
her, and ask her if that was what he (or she) wanted.

I never got an answer, though. If ever Mamo-chan was listening, he won't
answer. Chibi-Usa would just stare at me with her innocent large and round,
pink eyes.

Mamo-chan was always in my heart, I would pretend that he was still alive
sometimes, and would talk to him. I would always ask him questions. But then
I realized, that maybe life will just reveal the answers itself. And I began
to slowly try to adapt to what life WAS giving me. "He" would always be
there, but he won't be Mamo-chan.

The two of us started getting extremely comfortable with each other. Too
comfortable, that it already became uncomfortable. I started blushing
whenever he was around, and he would start asking me out to different places
that seemed to be out of the "comforting friend" category. I would also
catch him looking at me in a, well, different kind of way and both of us
would always turn out to be blushing whenever we were alone. Especially
whenever he would come by to watch me write my little manuscripts and
stories for children. And if it weren't for Chibi-Usa, my little bouncing
young child, I don't know if there would ever be a conversation started
between us. She would always be the topic of our talks, about her cuteness,
my progress as a mother, and at times, about Mamo-chan. I still missed him
then, but was utterly confused.

And aside from that, even Chibi-Usa started calling him, "Papa!"

Yet, he was. He loved her with all his heart. And she was the only one he
revealed his sensitive, loving side to other than me. I knew that he was
willing to give up his life for her, if ever that was needed.

And then, just the night before, at the park, he revealed his heart to me.

We had been taking Chibi-Usa out on a walk, and my baby, exhausted from
play, feel asleep in his arms. And just as we were supposed to leave, we
decided to rest at the bench beside the lake and just relax.

I had been quiet, afraid to speak, for he seemed to be in a world of his
own. I can only stare at the emotions passing through his dark brown eyes as
I rocked Chibi-Usa and pretended to hum a small lullaby to her. Then he
suddenly spoke.

"Do you still think of him?"

I knew who he was talking about, and I answered as I turned to him, who had
clouded eyes and was looking far off. He was nervous.

I turned back to Chibi-Usa, "Yes, I do. Not all of the time, but I still
would. I would remember him every now and then... whenever I see roses, or
when I look at Chibi-Usa straight in the eye. I would still think of him, I
still love him -- I always will. But I feel like -- I don't know, ready and
free to do as I wish!

"But still, sometimes, I would still mourn. You know, waiting for him.
Asking him, 'why?' You see, after all these years, I still haven't...
haven't understood all that you told me. There is a missing truth, and I'm
not sure if I'm ready for it," I smiled, "but still, I keep on to the hope
that things, would, somehow, be just fine."

He nodded, and I feel the words emanating from him, his eyes were
speaking... 'Are you ready?' I didn't know why I did it, or maybe deep down,
I did. I gave him a dubious look.

He then began, unsure of what he was doing. It seemed like he really wanted
to tell me something "Usagi-chan, when he died. I was plagued by guilt, with
the fact that you were already free. I had pushed those thoughts of my head,
without much sucess, that is. But I knew how Mamoru-san felt, and how my
mother felt. I knew that you needed me most, because, I, of most people knew
how you feel, and how he felt.

"But I could't help it, Usagi. Instead of leaving those feelings kept
inside, they grew all those years I began to see and know you more deeply.
And I know that there would never be a woman right for me but you. Usagi...
if there's only one thing in the world that can make me happy, it would be
that thought that you are mine."

I was glad, and joy spread through me like fire as I left my questions
behind for the moment. I could have answered him with a happy "yes" for I
knew he was right, there can be no other man for me now but him.

I was slowly learning. Up to now, I am. I'm only looking for the missing
truth, the truth about what Mamo-chan thought was the best for me and what I
deserved. But that, was the next best day in my life, after Mamo-chan's
proposal. It was my second one, I know. But, as strange as it may seem, I
was embedding it in my heart as much as I had done with Mamo-chan. In my
heart, I knew he loved me, and that he won't be leaving me now. He had
proven that long ago.

But I still had confused feelings about my beloved Mamo-chan, I just
couldn't answer. His memory was still there. It just wasn't right! And I did
something I knew I would regret, as I threw my chances of being with him
away.

I saw his eyes widen as he stared at me, I could feel his pain. But I just
didn't know what to do anymore.

Before he could speak, I stood up and kissed him gently on the lips.

Then I left his tears.

But I didn't know whether or not he saw my own tears.

I took a deep breath as I stepped out of the kitchen door and entered the
gardens. The wind was still strong, but there was no positive sign of rain.
I needed to refresh myself this time; and now, it's for real. Life was
already showing me the answer to my questions. And I should be ready.

Every year, during this day, I would cry and remember him. Asking him why he
left that day. I would mourn like I did when he just died. I would cling on
to his memory, hoping that somehow, he was still there. I would miss him,
and ask him to come back again.

Mamo-chan, what is it that you wanted for me? Is this it? You wanted me to
marry another, that doesn't mean you don't love me, does it? Why haven't you
asked for what we both deserved? Why didn't you want me to be for you
forever?

And on top of that, why did you die?

I walked down the dust path despite the strong wind, and stared at the white
sky. I rest my head at the bark of an old oak tree and closed my eyes.

'Oh, Usagi -- would you please STOP thinking THAT way?'

My eyes shot open as I remembered his words.

He wanted me to learn to accept his death. Yes, that was it. But... why?

'It is all in his words...'

I hear the wind talking to me, and I recall...
and learn.

Mamo-chan and me walking down the park, he would let me lean on his
shoulder, and would swing me around, laughing

Tuxedo Mask coming into my room, and then he would sweep me up and take me
away as we would go jump past building to building, and he would always
enjoy hearing me scream at him for scaring me.

Sitting on his couch, screaming as he tries to tickle the life out of me.
Then he would give me ice cream as an "apology-gift"

'Yay, Usako! You finally made it through college!'

'Usako, I just want to tell you now how much I love you. You're one great
girl. I knew that from the moment you threw your test paper at me, and I
will always believe that. And I want you to know now that I have been happy
living the past years with you in my life. You were the only person who
became the beacon of light in my shrouded life.'

He started playing with the tendrils of my hair, as if nothing was wrong,
and his smile grew. "I could never ask for more during those years, only
that I wish I can still make up for the things I did that you never
deserved. And, I wish for you to be happy, my Odango Atama.'

'But Usako, there's something more that I had wanted. But, it is not my
place to ask you for it. Because I want you to build a new life without me.'

'Yet, Usako, I want to die your husband.'

I gasped.

"Mamo-chan, you really DID love me, didn't you?" I asked, smiling as I felt
tears fall. "And even at the height of death, you still thought about me."

"This is what you wanted wasn't it? Mamo-chan, you wanted me to feel happy
and to accept the truth. But me? Mamo-chan, I don't deserve this!"

I fell to the ground, crushing the leaves beneath me, "Why?"

'He wanted the best for you. He died, asking you to be happy. Usagi, he died
WANTING to see you happy in the future, with all the safety, love and
security you need. not this way, that is why he asked you to marry him. He
wanted to show you that he truly loved you, and that he was willing to give
up his hold on you FOR you.'

He wanted me to accept his death, and to make his soul content... by being
happy myself.

Because he loved me.

Maybe that was why I cried during all those years. I couldn't accept that
one of the only persons who loved me that much was gone. I had been
insecure. He was the only one who helped bring me through past the darkest
of times. Maybe I was just scared, because he would be gone, and won't be by
my side anymore. And in my fear, I tried to keep him alive, to pretend that
he is still there by mourning for him. I had just hoped against all hope,
that, by mourning for him, things would remain the same.

But I was blind. There were the others. They loved me as well. Even without
Mamo-chan, they would always be there to support me, always there to guide
me. I still had hope. I must admit, I was somehow scared they'd be gone too,
but I was wrong. They have always been there.

Mamo-chan told me those words... to help me realize that no matter what
would happen, there can always be happiness for me. That I shouldn't lose
hope. That although he may be gone, there will always be someone there for
me, to guide me, to help me. He had given me those words to prepare me for
the future, to let me know that I should also learn to move on.

There was still love,
and they loved me,
he loves me.
And he taught me to live a happy life,
by setting his memory free.

Mamo-chan believed in me, and he knew I'd be able to make it through.

I remember what "he" told me, "Mourning isn't the way to make a deceased
loved one happy, but moving on and enjoying life as it is."

Oh, why didn't I notice before?

This, my tears... they weren't what he wanted. He...

Mamo-chan, I love you. With all my heart. And I always will. You may have
died, but our love for each other hasn't. You will always have a place in my
heart. I thank you for showing me the missing truth.

And for now, I already have the answers to my questions. I am already
sure.There was no missing truth, it was here all along. I should have
listened and opened my heart to reality. No wonder Rei-chan always called me
stubborn.

I laughed happily, and immediately set out to do the only business I haven't
finished.

And that was to live my life.

I went inside the house and and ran out of the door. Wiping my tears, I
didn't bother for the car and ran off towards the building. It was funny, I
didn't get tired, it was like, as if someone was holding me as I ran...

Now, I think again, Life isn't really that ironic. I still have life, and we
all have peace and happiness, things I believe myself. People die, and
Mamo-chan happened to be one of them. But Life wasn't all unfair. She gave
me Chibi-Usa and him.

I still had hope, and I have my future. I have my friends, my loved ones, I
had God with me!

I went inside the building and quickly padded at the elavator panels. I took
a deep breath as the doors opened and I stepped out.

I ran towards his door, as I had in this apartment for many times before.
But this time, I was hoping that I wouldn't be too late.

As I paused before his door, I took a very deep breath once again and
knocked on his door.

"Seiya, are you in there?" I asked as I continue knocking.

Silence.

"Seiya, please, don't do this to me. We need to talk! Just listen to me this
time!" I told him, growing desperate.

The door opened, "Look, Usagi, aren't you supposed to be doing something
else right now?" he asked quietly, looking down. I gulped, he looked
handsome, in his pale, long-sleeved yellow polo shirt and white pants. His
face looked so sad and dejected, my heart broke at the sight of him. I love
you. I love you so much.

This is my chance! I sighed, relieved. Mamo-chan, I'm doing it now. I'm
going to make my life happy.

"Yes, I know," I replied, smiling sadly. He sadly looked at me in surprise,
"What do you mean..."

"This," I told him, encircling my arms around his waist. Then I tiptoed and
kissed him.

I heard him give out a surprised sound, and I giggled underneath as I pushed
myself up to kiss him more. And finally, he placed his arms around me and
pulled me close. Our kiss changed as his lips grew hungry on mine and as I
found myself responding with the same passion.

He released me soon, and I found myself gasping for air. My gosh, he was so
sweet! "Usagi..." he whispered as he nuzzled my ear, "I love you," and when
I turned to look at him, there were unshed tears in his eyes. "I thought...
The other night..."

"Don't say it, Sei-chan," I told him, repeating the nickname I had given him
years ago. I put my hand in his, "I was confused. Seiya, I may have not said
yes, but I didn't say no, either."

He looked away, oh, my sweet, loving knight, you're just like Mamo-chan,
always concerned for me, "Usagi, I don't want you to feel obliged or guilty.
I respect what your decision is," I could feel him choking.

"Sei-chan, I loved you the moment you revealed to me who you really were. I
loved you from the moment you entrusted your heart with all trust in my
hand. I loved you, Seiya, from the time you first carried my baby. I loved
you then and I love you still. You're not forcing me on anything, you never
did. I was the one who had forced and kept myself away. I never listened to
what you were trying to tell me."

He held me close and pulled me inside, "Usagi-chan, do you understand now?
Are you really ready?"

There wasn't much to be said, we both knew what he meant.

I lay my head contentedly on his hard chest, "Yes, I do. And not just
partly, Sei-chan, but I understand the whole missing truth. Seiya, I have
been so blind. And now, I want you to know that, throughout all that has
happened, I am now ready."

'After all these years of waiting, she's ready. Oh Lord, I can't thank you
well enough...' Seiya thought, smiling down at her, his arms tightening, as
if she would just vanish once he let go.

"Usagi-chan, you don't know how much I love you, how much I've been thinking
about you. I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about what happened. I
thought you'd be leaving me. I didn't want to see you gone," he confessed,
kissing her hair. 'Oh God, please don't let this be a dream. I love her so
much,' he prayed.

He pulled me inside and asked me to sit down, lovingly, he told me to wait
for him. Some people (namely Haruka) tell me I am naive. So I was! I didn't
know what Seiya was going to do.

He came back and had a reddish hue on his face as I saw him fingering
something nervously in his pocket. I ignored it, though. For I realized
that, as I was looking at him from across the room, I was looking at him
with the same eys that looked at Mamo-chan four years ago. And I know that I
have found life.

He walked nearer and I sighed in anticipation as I waited for him to say
something. And, to my surprise, I found him kneeling on one knee before me.
I gasped sharply as I noticed what he seemed to be doing. Mamo-chan did the
very same to me in a different way. I smiled, tears flooding my eyes once
more. He nodded, raising my hand to his lips.

"Usagi-chan, Odango Atama," he asked me. And I closed my eyes, remembering
the pleasure of hearing those words from his lips. Words that he had
refrained from calling me for who knows how many years just to comfort me, I
loved them, "all throughout the years, I have known and fallen in love with
you. I found happiness in no one but you. May I be given the right to call
you...mine? Will you marry me?"

God may have taken Mamo-chan, but he gave me Chibi-Usa and Seiya instead. I
will always remember and love Mamo-chan, and would hold a dear place in my
heart just for him. Neither Seiya or anyone else would ever replace him. And
she would love him till the end of time.

I love Seiya as a new person, in the same way I loved Mamo-chan, and he is
completely a different person. And I know that I have found someone I will
love with passion for all my life as well.

Without hesitation, I cried out "Yes, yes, of course!" and I put my arms
around his neck as he swung me around, laughing with genuine tears.

In the distance, I felt a very familiar soul smile.

'But Usako, you will...'

Two years later (Not Crystal Tokyo)...

She sat by the fireplace, rocking her chair slowly. The fire flickered
warmly, making her face seem to glow in the darkness. She looked like a
beautiful angel, shining brightly inside the slightly-darkened room. Then
she smiled, putting aside the small notebook she was writing on. She ran her
hand over her round belly and her smile grew.

She was Tsukino Usagi, the famous author who wrote beautiful stories for
children. She was also known as one of the most fortunate women, with her
loving family, fortune, and fame. She was admired for the stories she made,
and were considered the best ones. But the thing was, they never knew what
the most beautiful story in her life was.

Living, and Moving On.

And the lesson? That in order to survive, one must love him or herself and
the life she was given.

"Mama, mama!"

She smiled, turning in the direction of the voice, "In here, honey!"

A very cute little girl with pink hair done in small, pointed odangos ran
inside the room. She quickly barraged into her mother and gave her a big,
tight hug.

"And how's our Small Lady today?" Usagi asked, putting the six-year old
down.

"I had a very good time today! Papa took me shopping to buy you a gift. And
we have gotten you a very, very, very BIG and pretty present, mommy! It's
this big," she declared throwing her hands out as wide as her short arms
can, "and you're going to like it real well!"

"That's enough, Chibi-Usa, or else, your Mama will find out what our gift
for her is," a laughing voice interrupted her. Usagi's grin grew wider as
her husband entered the room.

"Daddy," Chibi-usa said, running over to who she treated as her father. Ond
day she would have to know who her wonderful father really was, Usagi
thought, but that was for the future.

She stood up, walking over to them, "And what else did you do today?" she
asked, trying to look cynical. She laughed as she suddenly whispered to her
husband, "Okay, so how much money did you have to waste on a Christmas
present for me?"

Seiya laughed, "We didn't waste any money, did we, Usa?"

Her child agreed with her father, "No we didn't. Daddy says that nothing
would be wasted whenever it comes to you."

Usagi blushed and laughed, leaning on her husbands shoulder as she continued
to listen to Chibi-Usa. Seiya removed his dark jacket and smiled as he
kissed one of her odangos as placed an arm around her back.

Chibi-Usa bounced around excitedly, "I also told my friends that I am going
to have a sib--sib--"

"Sibling," Usagi corrected, gently looking at her.

"Yes! I told my classmates that I am going to have a new sibling next
month!" she said in a jovial tone, coming nearer to put her soft face
against her Mama's tummy.

Usagi laughed happily as she felt her daughter relax on her stomach, "You
know, I think it's going to be a girl."

Her daughter looked up, "Really? Me too."

Seiya spoke, "No, I think it would be a boy."

"A girl!" both Usagi and Chibi-Usa said at the same time.

Seiya sighed, exasperated, "Two against one, that's not fair!"

Usagi stuck her tongue out at him, and Seiya, thinking her very adorable,
kissed her then and there.

He broke away with a mischievous expression on his face, "But then, you
know, I don't really care whether it's a boy or a girl. But, if ever it
would turn out to be a girl we must make sure to put odangos on her hair
too."

He laughed as Usagi blushed, "And I promise to love him... or her just as
much as I greatly love our Small Lady here," he remarked, bringing 'his'
daughter up on his shoulder.

'Thank God for that!'

Usagi laughed and the three of them left the room, all happy and warm in
their hearts.

She had a happy life.

End.

Author's Additional Ramblings: Okay, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it! Anyway,
please, PLEASE don't send me flames about Mamoru's death. This was just an
idea that has evolved into a short story, not the real thing. Besides, we
all know that he was destined to live! :)

Anyway, about Seiya, I made him change. You know what I mean. I think that
he is also worth some attention. I just can't find a better guy! I LOVE him.
It's nice to get him sensitive. If you can find anyone more appropriate,
tell me, and maybe we can revise a bit...

Don't forget, http://www.members.tripod.com/Annabelle_Guillermo/intro.htm