Protector By: Aquemarina Aquemarina@aol.com Rating: PG Death. Eternal Sailor Moon watched in horror as it sped towards her friend, in the form of a wickedly tipped crystal. *Iie. Please, no... iie...* The worst thing, however, is that the weapon had been meant for her, and Jupiter had jumped in front of her. Usagi blinked back tears. *Protecting your princess? Oh, Mako-chan, I don't want to be protected... not if it means you get killed instead.* She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the awful sight she knew she was about to be presented with, praying with all her might for a miracle to divert it. The miracle came. "World Shaking!" The attack went straight to the center of the black crystal, shattering it into atoms. Jupiter cautiously opened one eye, then the other, looking surprised and relieved as what was now simply a cloud of black dust floated past her and Sailor Moon. At the end of the battle, after detransforming, Usagi sank to the ground. The action did not go unnoticed. "Usagi-chan?" Usagi didn't answer, but continued to stare dully at the ground. When Mamoru to kneel next to her, whispering, "Daijobu?" she shook her head. "Mako-chan...almost died..." At this, Makoto spoke up. "Usagi-chan, don't worry about it." "Koneko-chan," Haruka said, "it's not your fault, if that's what you're thinking." "Hai, baka-Usagi!" Rei said cheerfully, trying to draw Usagi out of her depression by making her angry, "Where have you been? This kind of thing happens daily, Odango Atama." Rei was unprepared for the reaction. Usagi wheeled on her, pain flashing in her eyes. "Well, it shouldn't happen! Why am *I* all-important? I never asked to be!" Rei drew back. "Usagi..." Usagi looked ashamed of herself. "Gomen nasai, Rei-chan. I just...I don't want..." She shuffled her feet on the ground, finally raising her head to look at everyone. "Minna, I don't want my life put ahead of yours, that's all." Ami smiled gently. "Demo, Usagi-chan, that's what we're here for." "Hai, princess," Michiru put in. "It is our duty." Minako glared at her. "Not just our duty. Our duty demands it, yes, but our friendship makes us want to." "But don't you understand?" Usagi pleaded. "I feel the same way! I want to protect you, too. I don't *want* to be the breakable glass figurine, the precious treasure!" Hotaru was confused. "But you're not, Usagi. You have saved all of our lives more times than I can count, or remember, for that matter. You went right after me while the Silence was threatening, not caring for yourself... Usagi, you *do* protect us." "Are you asking us to stop, Usako?" Mamoru questioned. "To stop protecting you?" He wrapped his arms around her, and she leaned back a little, curling into his embrace. "Demo, we protect the ones we love. This is like asking us to stop loving you. And... well, we just can't." This put an idea in Usagi's head. "Maybe you can..." she murmured. Rei decided that maybe it was safe now. "Baka-Usagi, no, we can't... we couldn't, how would you expect us to do that?" Usagi head whipped up as her eyes turned to meet her, and Rei braced herself for another attack. *Shimatta, what's wrong with her today?* But to her surprise, it never came. Usagi's eyes softened. "Of course, Rei-chan. How stupid of me," she said softly. "You would never do something like that... we've all known each other for too long for that." *But if they didn't know me, they wouldn't try to protect me...* Rei nodded firmly, satisfied that she'd gotten her friend over to the correct way of thinking. "Of course," she echoed, as the other senshi voiced their agreements. Mamoru draped his arm over her shoulder, "C'mon, Usako, let's finish our date." Usagi, deep in thought, managed a nod and allowed herself to be led away. "Well," Minako said, "I'm glad *that's* over with!" The senshi's previous silence dissolved into multiple conversations. Only one remained mute. *Princess,* Meiou Setsuna thought worriedly, *I hope you know what you're doing.* ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Usagi sighed as she leaned deeper into Mamoru's embrace. Her eyes looked past the blaring television in front of them, her gaze fixed on something not quite there. Her hand came up to rest absently on her brooch. *I can't do it at home, with Luna there... and what would Mama-san think if she saw the ginzuishou's light from under the door... how could I..?* Mamoru looked down at the blond head nestled against him, furrowing his brow in thought. *What's wrong with her? She's not acting worried anymore, at least... though I'm not sure that that's a good thing... this quiet brooding isn't much better...* Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. "Usako, you've been acting so quiet since the battle. Are you going to tell me what it is?" "Daijobu, Mamo-chan," she mumbled. He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Really? So," he started, really hoping that this would work, "you wouldn't tell me even if... horror of horrors... if I took your cocoa away?" He gave a mock gasp, and snatched the mug off the coffee table, pretending to cradle it greedily. Despite her preoccupation, she laughed, and waved a hand at him. "Go ahead, it's already cold..." Usagi's eyes widened, though not for the desire for chocolate, as one might expect. She bit her tongue quickly. *Perfect... here would be just perfect... and here's my chance to get him out of the room...* "On second thought, give me that, you!" Usagi tried to grab for the sloshing mug, held over her head by a laughing Mamoru. "Nope. Not until you tell me," he reprimanded. *Just a little more... make it look believable, now... THERE!* Usagi quickly put a look of shame on as the mug tilted and its contents spilled out... ...right onto Mamoru's clean, white shirt. He had to laugh. "There you are, Odango Atama! I was wondering where my klutzy rabbit went." He stood. "I'm going to change this, and then walk you home." *Again with the protecting!* she thought angrily. Then her thoughts turned melancholy. *Well... that'll be changed soon enough... but... might as well argue the point...* "Mamo-chan, I don't need-" He waved a hand dismissively. "Enough, Usako. We went over this before. I *will* protect my princess, always, no matter what." He was talking over his shoulder as he headed towards his bedroom. "Gomen nasai for the spill," she called just before the door shut. She heard him moving around inside. *Now or never...* She quickly pulled the Eternal brooch from her uniform, and opened the lid, pausing to look. The ginzuishou glowed softly in the moonlight, and brightened as her resolve hardened even more. *They protect me because they love me... they're in danger because they love me. Well, I can protect them by making them forget...* she swallowed past the lump in her throat, and extended the crystal in her cupped hands, free of its confinement. *...I can make them forget that they love me...* tears threatened to spill over, and she closed her eyes, *...that they ever knew me. It'll be better this wa-* "Usako?" The voice was barely a whisper. Usagi's eyes flew open to see Mamoru standing in the doorway of his bedroom, looking very, very uncertain. "What are you doing, Usako?" That was it. The concern in his voice, the love... she would miss it. The dam broke, and the tears trickled silently down her cheeks. "Mamo-chan," she choked out. He broke out of his awe and started towards her. "Dameyo, Mamo-chan." He stopped, unsure. "I'll miss you." His eyes narrowed. He crossed the room in three steps then, and knelt down at her side in an instant. "What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere." He reached up to touch her face, but she shied away from his touch. "Usako, what..?" "I'll miss you, Mamo-chan," she repeated, her gaze returned unwaveringly to the crystal before her. Her tears had stopped flowing, but the stains on her cheek glistened in the dim light. "Doushita no, Usako?" His voice again... love... she managed to get the words out. "M... Mako-chan... almost died tonight... for me," she whispered. "I don't want to be protected... if it means someone else dies..." her voice wavered, "...and that has happened so... so many times." She looked at him, right into his eyes. *So close... I can't do this, I'll die from missing them all... but they could die if I don't...* She swallowed hard, trying to sound cheerful, but failing miserably. "I can stop you from doing that... you won't love me if you don't remember me." He stared back at her, his face unreadable. Then he grabbed both her wrists, trapping the ginzuishou between them, and pulled her down so she was kneeling on the floor with him. "Don't you dare," he whispered fiercely. She squirmed in his grasp. "Mamo-chan, it's better this way-" "Don't you *dare* do that to me," he hissed, "or the other senshi." "Mamo-" "What did you think would happen to the future if we didn't remember?" His grip only tightened. "You can't have a future if you're dead!" Usagi screamed at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I would've brought your memories back when you were needed for that!" He yelled his pain right back. "And when would that be, Usako? A month from now, a year, a decade?!" He paused and tried to get a hold on his fear, his anger. If she did this... "All an eternity, without you." "If you don't remember, you won't miss-" *I have to make her see. If she doesn't... then...* Mamoru pushed the thought out of his mind. "Usako," he started slowly, "what, exactly, do you think my life was like without you?" She looked away. "Lonely. I... gomen, Mamo-chan, but that's better than being dead! Maybe... " she fought to keep the trembling out of her voice, "maybe you could find a... a normal girl, until..." Saying that nearly killed her inside, but his response made her feel better. "How could you say that? I've never wanted anyone, but you. My princess... demo, you're wrong, Usako. My life wasn't lonely without you." She looked up to meet his eyes. "It was pure hell." Her eyes softened, the tears shimmering in the blue depths. *God, she's beautiful,* Mamoru thought in awe. She took advantage of his temporary reverie to jerk her hands away, pouring more power into the ginzuishou. "It couldn't have been that bad, Mamo-chan." She smiled ruefully. "You didn't seem to love me when you teased me everyday... before we knew anything at all." "You're wrong. I got out of bed every morning to see you... it ruined my day if I couldn't talk to you... see you get mad at me... you were so kawaii... " he pleaded with her. "All of us were changed by you, Usako, for the better. Can't you see that? Ami was seen as a unreachable scholar, Rei was an angry introvert. Makoto was a cold bully, and Minako was supposedly a snob. Hotaru might still be seen as a quiet freak by her classmates. Haruka and Michiru... well, they had each other, but what did they know of compassion for others, before you? You were the only one willing to give them a chance. Setsuna is so much more open than when we first met her... we know her as a person, not just the lonely Guardian of Time. I," Mamoru paused, searching for the right words, "I want you... I need you... Usako, you're just... everything." She looked in shock at his trembling figure, his tear-filled eyes. "Usako, I... the thought of what you're going to do scares me so much..." his voice wavered, and he reached for her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he buried his head in her shirt, clutching at the material in the back like a lifeline. His voice started to crack, "Onegai, Usako... please don't leave me alone. I'd rather die... a million times... than be without you... onegai..." his sobs were slightly muffled, his tears were lost in the fabric of her shirt. She could feel them, the dampness against her neck where his head lay. Her hands were still extended before her, the ginzuishou between them. *I'd rather die than be without you... I said that to him once... for about the same reasons... protection...* The crystal slowly dimmed, until the only light on the two figures was that of the moon, seeping in through the balcony window. Slowly, she placed the ginzuishou on the table. *It didn't work then... why would it work now? I've been so stupid...* Hesitantly, she brought her arms up to wrap around him, cradling him like a child. He still cried into her shirt, and she was amazed at his emotions. *I hold as much power over him as he holds over me, we DO need each other... I didn't mean...* "Gomen nasai, Mamo-chan," she murmured into his ear. "I didn't think... but I won't hurt you." She ruffled the hair at the back of his neck, and rocked him back and forth, surely, calmly. "I won't hurt any of you... I won't leave you alone." She laughed bitterly. "This didn't work before, did it? When you tried it? How stupid of me." Her voice softened, "Demo, daijobu, Mamo-chan. I won't leave you alone... I won't ever... I need you, too..." she started to sob as well, "I need you... too... Mamo... chan..." Mamoru immediately let go of his hold on her waist to enfold her in his arms. "It would have been... so lonely... for me... too..." she choked out. "That's... that's why, Usako, I couldn't let you... we need each other... aishiteru, Usako," he whispered hoarsely. "Aishiteru, Mamo-chan," Usagi echoed, her voice ragged from crying. "Gomen... I thought I could protect you all... by myself... " "You don't need to be alone, Usako. We can protect each other." ----------------- Yay! ::cheers are heard in the background:: Second fanfic! Yeah, baby! (Oh, wait... that's Austin Powers... nevermind!) Whew. I think it turned out OK. What about you? A lot of the ideas for this story came from Lianne, a truly great writer. You probably already know her. Anyway, visit her site at http://members.tripod.com He's *not* a sissy, OK? This was meant to show his feelings on Usagi, mostly, of dependence. Hey, you can't tell me that he's not gonna have *some* emotional scarring. She brings him out of his shell, and he's scared to death of losing her, 'K? Ah... the perfect man... unless, of course, you don't like him, then he's the perfect stalker... (the writer returns to her intended path of conversation with great effort...) Thank you to all the great people who emailed me on my first 'fic, 'Shattered'. I was so happy. And now... you have to email me again! It's required.... I'm addicted. ^_~ Ja ne, Aquemarina P.S. I was thinking of doing a series on the apocalypse leading up to Crystal Tokyo. What do you think? Email, email, please! Iie: No Daijobu: Are you alright?, it's OK, I'm alright Koneko: kitten Hai: yes Baka: idiot, stupid Odango Atama: dumpling head Gomen nasai: I'm very sorry Minna: everyone, all Demo: but Shimatta: damn (or something along those lines) Ginzuishou: Silver Crystal Dameyo: don't Doushita no: What's wrong? Gomen: sorry Kawaii: cute Onegai: please Aishiteru: I love you DISCLAIMER: OK, people, here it is, and it goes for all past and future 'fics, too, in case I forget to put it in those, too. I don't own Sailormoon, or any associated characters. Life sucks, doesn't it?