Hey kids! Come closer, Uncle Bastion has a story for you. Never write a story when you're mad. Ugly things happen. Now, I am going to warn all of you people. This is down right mean. But this songfic has a message with it concerning the truest form of the author's creative mind and what really fascinates readers when they read a story. I hope it does anyway. This is dark for a reason, folks. This about the darkest thing I have written. If you don't want to be haunted with this, please, oh dear God, please don't read further. There's good reason why I rated this R. It's DARK!!! Now if you are unfortunate enough to read on, immediately read some WAFFy fiction or something by Helm to wash out the bitter taste. I would also like to dedicate this to my bamboo eating friend, for if wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't have been mad enough to write this. All apologies to these characters and readers that are going to suffer. ------------------------------------------------------------------ This Is Not Hell A songfic by Bastion Inspired by a song by Jimmie's Chicken Shack [Scene opens with a dim hallway colored in strange shades of green, yellow, and red. The camera goes down the hall, and doors can be seen every few feet or so, one on each side. At the end of the hall way is a merry-go-round, now in motion with its lights fluttering aggitatedly. The camera follows the motions of the merry-go-round, and stops on a person wearing a jester's costume with the appropriate painted face. He begins to sing.] if this is hell well that's fine with me all of the wonder presumably happily eager to follow the fool that's got into the head of me [The jester swings his arms happily and laughs insanely. He jumps off the the merry-go-round and approaches the nearest door. He opens it.] we don't have any doubt we're out there making freinds unconcisously rolling through meatings from pollings the answers are meaner sometimes than the means to our ends [Inside is Uranus who has found herself in a dress and is struggling to get it off. She's at a funeral of someone who has died. Confused she looks into the coffin and realizes its Neptune. She begins to cry as she notices all of her friends point at her with their unforgiving eyes narrowed. She turns back to the coffin and Neptune is sitting upright with her bony finger pointing to her accuser. Uranus screams. The jester sings] so this is hell what else could it be [He closes the door and opens another.] bask in the glory of glorified stories of a basket case who has just broken himself from the weave [Inside, Mars is on stage singing her heart out. As she sings she notices the predatory looks she is getting. She does her best to ignore them as a tomato whizzes by. Suddenly, she is pummeled by tomatoes. She sees that the juice from the tomatoes is eating away at her skin. She is about to scream in pain as a man jumps on stage. Her eyes widen with horror as her father shoves a tomato down her throat. The jester closes the door and opens another. He keeps singing.] we are not making sense who really cares just how we feel infantile ramblings of pennyless gambings a fist full of hand swinging clubs at our new baby zeal [Inside is Mercury sitting in a desk at school, alone. She sees her friends enter the room, hiding something behind their backs. She is about to say hello when all her friends reveal they were hiding clubs behind their backs. Terrified, she runs for the exit, only to be nailed in the knee by a club. Her friends surround her and mercilessly beat her, laughing joyfully as they do. The jester closes the door and smiles a toothy smile.] yeah right [He jumps around the hall laughing once again with more fervor. The jester runs to another door and looks to the audience.] you think this is hell would you care to bet [He opens the door, laughing.] capture the beauty of domestic duty the hampers are full and our laundry's perpetually wet [Inside is Venus lying on the side of a dirt street. She notices her filthy attire and small needle scars along her forearms. She feels a chilling breeze hit her and she looks up. At the end of the street is a man encased in ice, screaming a silently. Venus embaces the cold ice and sobs against it's frigid surface. The jester closes the door and opens another.] think about traveling south find the right something you might have left endless the road wish your past to explode actions remain base but intentions in treble clef [Inside Tuxedo Kamen finds himself sitting in the backseat of a car. A young blond girl with a particular hairstyle is sitting next to him, she smiles at him. He smiles back and suddenly the car begins to shake and it rolls out of control. The next thing he knows he's in the snow and notices the twisted metal of the wreakage. He tries to move, but all his limbs are severely broken. Just ahead he sees the head of the blond girl, with her icy blue eyes staring back him, unblinking. Tuxedo Kamen screams. The jester sings. He closes the door and gets right into the camera.] yeah right [He bounces around the hall happily before opening another door.] this is not hell this is purgatory caught here in limbo I.Q. of a dim bulb how many gods does it take to screw in the likes of me [Inside is Pluto. She is having a romantic dinner with a man of royalty. They are next to window that look outside over an entire magnificent city of crystal. She smiles at him and he grins at her. From out of the shadows, a woman dressed all in white bursts in. She is grinning sadisticly as Pluto apologizes to her Queen. In mid-sentence, the Queen kicks Pluto in the stomach. She picks up a glass full of wine and splashs her in the face. Then the man stands next to his Queen and smiles sickly at Pluto. He runs toward Pluto and pushes her out the window. Pluto screams all the way down until she is plastered on the street. The jester closes the door and opens another.] you'd think one day that I might learn stare in the light and you cannot see I've opened my doors to perception and can't get them shut now I feel f*cked for free everyday yeah I feel f*ck*d for free everyday yeah I feel f*ck*d for free every day yeah we're all f*ck*d [Within Jupiter is overlooking a cliff. Two men appear behind her. Jupiter is startled by their presence, and the men put an assuring hand on her shoulders. Then wings sprout from the men's back. They take Jupiter in flight over the ocean. Jupiter feels a little scared being at such a height but the men assure her once more. The ascend to great heights and stop. Jupiter looks at the both of them wondering why. Suddenly, they grin lustfully and begin to ravish her until she can't move. After they're done, the men drop her and let her limp body fall. Jupiter screams. The jester is rolling on the floor and barely is able to close the door.] I left my brain inside of my other head you don't impress me don't depress me don't surpress me just get undressed [The jester dances madly in the hall and the paint on his face begins to rub off.] I left my brain inside of my other head the teachers test me my father blessed me the pigs arrest me I get upset [The jester gets right into the camera and licks the paint off his lips. The hall begins to burn.] I left my brain inside of my other head you don't impress me don't depress me don't surpress me just undress me [The jester rubs his face with his gloved hands.] the teachers test me my father blessed me the pigs arrest me [He rips off the jester hat.] I get upset [The audience now sees a young man with short black hair, his eyes glowing with inspiration, breathing hard and still laughing. The camera fades as the jester is surrounded by flames.] Fin. Ha. Ha. Ha. Author's Explaination: This came about because of the pattern I noticed with the stories I liked as well as my observation of how those stories came about via the author's notes. Being a fan of Davies, DDFA, and Stanton didn't help much, either. Things can be scary in my mind as you can see. Additional credit goes to Strike Fiss for implanting this idea several years ago. But don't blame him, for did not know what he was doing! All comments are welcomed. Flames are understandable. Again, my apologies... Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi and in America by DIC. The song, "This Is Not Hell" is owned by Jimmie's Chicken Shack and Polygram Records Inc. Bastion This Is Not a Good Day...