AN: This is not a romance. It is a simple love story. It is based on the North American anime. The first part is told from Molly's perspective, the last from Serena's. BUT THEY ARE NOT LESBIANS. Oh, and I don't speak any Japanese, so I don't use any in my stories. Sorry, but I'd totally mess it up. Disclaimer: disclaimers, disclaimers everywhere. I think we all know who owns Sailor Moon, and I think we all know that it isn't me. The Friend I Lost to the World By Ahn Na Blue (PG) "Serena, are you okay?" I could see her flinch with shock as I asked the question. "Sure Molly, why do you ask?" She was so suspicious of me, so afraid that I knew her big secret. "I don't know, but all this stuff with the alien dark crystal in the city, and I just feel like you know something about it." We were standing on a walkway bridge; it was near dusk. The knowledge of the dark crystal that had manifested in the center of the city hung thickly above us. "I just want you to be careful Serena." "Okay, but why would you think any of this has anything to do with me?" I shook my head, wanting the conversation to be over. "I'm just worried about you Serena." She gave me a shaky smile and then turned to walk away, back to her other life. Her new life. The one that I had been slowly pushed out of. She left me on the bridge and did not look back. Not even once. I breathe deeply, slowly, close my eyes and feel the chill in the air, let myself lean on the rail. I am so angry at her! Angry that I don't matter anymore, that I'm just the stupid girl who hangs out with the class nerd. Angry that I'm the one who got left behind. After all we've been through, how can she think I don't know? That I wouldn't figure out that she's Sailor Moon? Who do I look like? Lois Lane? I know all of them, all of their secret identities. But what's more hurtful is that I shouldn't have had to figure it out on my own. She should have told me. Serena has always been there for me, we've always been there for each other, and when I saw the tears in her eyes on the night that I lost Neflite, I knew she was Sailor Moon. I didn't say anything; I was sure she would tell me when she felt ready. We had been friends since preschool,and I'd always known everything about her. I knew the name of every secret crush, even though they tended to change weekly. And yet, when she found her true love in Darien, I was the last to know. My best friend had slipped through my fingers, and my back hadn't even been turned. I am certain now that she'll never trust me with her secret, and that fact sparks questions in me that are seemingly endless. I yank the green bow out of my hair and wring it between my fists. I feel so ordinary. I look in the mirror and all I see is a junior high girl with nothing special. No special destiny, no true love. Part of me wonders why I couldn't have been a Sailor Scout. If only I were destined to fight for earth like they were, I never would have lost my friend. I never would have had to stand by and watch her grow so close to her guardians, and forget about me. I even miss being attacked by disgusting Negamonsters. It may be stupid, but it's like I'm not even good enough to have my energy stolen. No, Serena doesn't have to worry about me anymore. She doesn't even have to think about me. Before long, I won't be Molly to her, just one of the faceless masses she has to protect. Serena, I want to know that you remember all the times we had together. I want to know that they matter to you, the sleepovers spent laughing about Melvin and gossiping about boys. Playing tennis on Sundays and giggling every time you klutzed out. I need to know that those times are still inside of your heart, that there's still something between us that we share. After I felt you drifting farther and farther from me, I started to walk alone at night, through the park and into the darker alleys. I was hoping that something would attack me, just so that you would have to see that I was still there, that it wasn't right to pretend like I didn't exist, that it wasn't right not to care about me anymore. I know that what you do is hard, and so much more important than being my friend. I know that you risk your life every day to protect all of us, and I thank you for that. And I know that in the big picture, silly, stupid little Molly doesn't count for much. But I know something else too, Serena. I know that missing you is a pain in my stomach, and I wish that destinies were different, so that we could be friends again. I miss you Serena. **************************************************************** It is hard to walk away from her. I wonder again why I have to guard my secret from her, when I know I can trust her with anything. I want so much to turn around and see that familliar smile, the smile that was always there for me, but I know I can't. Luna says no, and I know that she's right. How could I expect Molly to understand my betrayal? Would she forgive me just because I came clean? Could I expect her to just forget that I haven't had a scrap of time for her in the last three months? That Raye, Amy, Lita, and Mina, my new friends, were suddenly more important than my oldest friend in the world? My explanation is no excuse for any of it. There have been so many times after she's been attacked, when she's been so scared, that I've wanted to take her by the shoulders and say, "Molly, it's me, Serena. I'm Sailor Moon." But the relief I would feel in clearing the air so completely would be a weight upon her forever. And if she knew who I really was, she would never know a normal life. Her link to me would ensure that she would always be a target for the negaverse, and one day, I wouldn't be able to protect her. I could never live with that. But as Molly and I have grown apart, the attacks have come less and less, as if the mark I left on her when we were close is slowly dissolving. When I finally look back to the bridge, she is gone. I sigh, and twist one of my blonde pigtails around my wrist. I am going over the past few months quickly in my head, because that is how they passed. I lost Molly without realizing it was happening. But that's not entirely true. When the Negaverse took Darien and I realized I was in love with him, I never tried to talk to Molly about it. It was just easier to talk to the Sailor Scouts, friends who knew the whole story, the ones I didn't have to lie to. It was just easier to assume that Molly couldn't understand. Being Sailor Moon has consumed my whole life, taken anything normal and replaced it with destiny. After a while, I started to see Molly and I as totally different creatures, and the Sailor Scouts seemed closer to me every day. Oh Molly, there is so much that you don't know. You don't know that every day I wake up I am almost killed by some evil thing or another. You don't know that being close to me puts you in danger. You don't know that someday I will rule in a Crystal world that you will never live to see. How can I expect you to understand that? How can either of us be expected to bear that? I couldn't watch you age Molly. I won't watch you die. I see you with Melvin, and I see how much he cares about you. I have to trust you two to take care of each other, I have to let you two have a life together, without me. I want you to make so many memories; I want you to live so well. And when I'm alone in the future, I'll remember the sound of your laugh and the shine of your smile. All the trips shopping at the mall and trying on rhinestones at your mom's store. All the things we did when we were just two best friends, two normal girls without the entire world between them. These things will keep me sane in the silent hours, hanging low beneath my heart. The night has chilled. Thinking of you is a twist in my throat, and if you could only know that that pain will span centuries. Destiny is something we cannot change, but I'll never forget you, Molly. And I'll always miss you. THE END A very sincere thanks to everyone who emailed me about my first story "A shared past: loves lost." Please let me know what you thought of this one. I will only reply to flames if they are lots of fun. I must ask you guys a question: Who remembers the Disney cartoon Gargoyles? Who likes it? I want to do a gargoyles cross over as my first series, but what would be the point if no one else remembers the greatest American cartoon produced in the last twenty years? Your feedback is appreciated.