My Eternal Misery Version 2 By Elyse Author's notes There are a few! Ever heard the song "I Love you " by Sarah McLachlan? I thought of this story line while I was listening to it. It probably has nothing to do with the song but I think it does in a way. It's mainly from Mamoru's POV but it does bounce around some. I also decided to use the Japanese names because I like them better and they suit the story better. Sorry. Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or say that I do, I am just borrowing the characters. I do not own Sarah McLachlan's son "I love you" I am just saying that my story was an idea that was produced when I heard it. Here are the lyrics to "I love you " by Sarah McLachlan. I have a smile stretched from ear to ear to see you walking down the road We meet at the lights I stare for a while the world around disappears Just you and me on this island of hope a breath between us could be miles Let me surround you my sea to your shore let me be the calm you seek Oh and every time I'm close to you there's too much I can't say and you just walk away And I forgot to tell you I love you and the night's too long and cold here without you I grieve in my condition for I cannot find the words to say I need you so Oh and every time I'm close to you there's too much I can't say and you just walk away And I forgot to tell you I love you and the night's too long and cold here without you On with the story. Oh God how I miss her, it is tearing me up inside. I wish that I could talk to her but those damn dreams tell me to stay away. I only stay away because I love her and could not bare to lose her. I really do love her. I want to talk to her, to be with her, to rock her to sleep, I want to be there for her when she needs me most. Well I guess sitting around here doing nothing is not going to help me or her. It sure isn't going to bring me any closer to her. I wish that I had not hurt her so. Saying that I loved another just about killed me. It hurts so much to think about that because until I get her back it is slowley going to kill me. I could barely say that I hated her even though as I was saying it I loved her more and more. Maybe I should go shopping. That usually cheers her up well besides playing Sailor V. Maybe that will work with the other half of her soul. This is so depresing. Wedding rings, mushy couples all over each other and roses. Hell I can make roses it just depresses me and its not fair. I should be showering her with my roses not hiding them from her. I should be taking her shopping for wedding rings, not wandering around in my misery. I know that I only pushed her away to save her. Oh no, I don't think I can handle this. There she is. She looks so lifeless. Her once crystal blue eyes were dull and her meatballs were drooping. To put it blunty she looked like Hell. My poor Usako, oh how I wish that I could take her in my arms and apoplogize and then sweeo her off her feet. Those damn dreams. I hate those freakin dreams. If they were not so lifelike then I might ignore them. But I will do anything to protect my meatball head. Great just what I need, she saw me, maybe I can escape. "Mamo-chan, Mamoru please wait. I need to talk to you" she cried out. "No Usagi I am not going to wait. I have important things that I need to do and they don't involve you" I calmy stated. I feel like such a rat. I really do. I am pushing away the only person that has ever loved me since my parents died. "Mamo-chan, please talk to me. I am begging you. Why are you being so cruel?" she asked hesitantly. "Don't call me that I am Mamoru, and that's all. Don't beg its not polite and I am in love with someone else" I whispered. The pain that just raced thoughout my body was unbareable. I collapsed onto the ground and began to cry. She walked over to me and tried to help but I would not let her. "Usagi leave me be. This does not concern you" I harshly. "Mamo-chan, if your hurt then it does concern me. Anything that pains you is my problem too. You don't have to go through this alone" she whispered as she helped me up anyway. "Usagi I told you not to call me that and stay away from me. Leave me alone for the last time" I said as I gave her a meaningful glare. I have to get out of here she is going to kill me. In about three seconds I am going to just take her in my arms. But I can't do that. She will surely die if I get close to her. "Mamoru, since you are not going to tell me what's wrong then tell me this. Do you still love me and did you ever love me?' she asked as she backed away and began to cry. I am not going to answer, no way. If I do then I will say things that I know I can never take back. I think that I am going to explode. I need to get out of here. I transformed into Tuxedo Kamen and left. I did not even hear what she had said. I was already gone. I refused to look back down on her as I landed in a tree. All of a sudden I felt as if someone had taken a knife and plunged it into my soul and was tearing it apart. As I tried to turn around to look I fainted and fell out of the tree I guess. I awoke to a slap in my face which reminded me what had happened. I looked up to see Mako-chan staring down at me with a look that could kill. "Mamoru you are a cold and heartless person. Usagi was just in an accident because of you. After you transfored she backed into the street and was hit by a huge truck" she said as she began to kick at me. "Where is she Mako? Where is my Usako?" I asked uncertainly. "She is being taken to the hospital and you are not to go. You caused her this pain and you deserve to be slaughtered for it" she said as that same look spread across her face. "Mako I did not make her go out into the street. If you must know I love her with all my heart and I really need to go to the hospital. Please let me go" I begged. "You know its not polite to beg Mamoru" she said coldy. "Damn you Mako let me up" I yelled. Before she let me up she punched me hard and I was out again. When I woke up again I saw Raye waiting for me. She offered her hand and helped me up. I transformed back into my usual self and then felt the pain that had knocked me out in the first place. I had remembered. "Usako!!!!" I yelled out in pain. "Mamoru, she is in the hospital. She just got out of surgery" she whispered quietly. "Oh God this was not supposed to happen. Raye can you help me there?" I asked hoping that she would help me get to my Usako?" I asked. "Yes now come on Mamoru. Her parents are there and they want to see you" she whispered. Oh no I really think that I am going to pass out again. What am I going to tell her parents? Hi I just broke up with your daughter and now because of my stupid dreams she was in an accident and it smy fault. My heat began to beat faster as we approached the enterance to the hospital. All I can do is think about my Usako. After her accident I don't how I am going to help her. I can't believe that the damn dream would make me be so cold hearted that she would run out in the middle of traffic. Oh God I don't know what to do. I hate hospitals. They make me more depressed. Oh no what have I done? All I see is my soulmate wrapped in bandages and tubes are running in and out of her. Oh my poor Uasko. "Usako, I am so sorry. I should have told you back there on the street. I love you my little rabbit. I am so sorry. Please don't leave me I could not bare to live without you anymore. Please answer me Usako. I was only trying to protect you and instead I almost killed you. Usako, please. "Usagi, hit me, kick me, cry at me, do something! Don't leave me!!!!" I begged. I better go since she is not going to wake up. I need some fresh air. Then the doctor walked in and told me to say goodnight because it was after visiting hours. I began to cry harder because I did not want to leave my rabbit in a scary hospital. I ran out of the room. As i left I brushed by Usako's friends. They were looking at me as if I were the enemy. Well they had one thing right, I was the enemy. I caused my Usako to be in this horriable situation. I caused her friends to have to be put through this, and I caused myself to go through this. Why? All because of a stupid heartless dream. I can't believe that I was so stupid. I began to run to the park. Ah the park. Her favorite place. We used to go here every weekend and just sit and talk. I miss that. I did not know that I was headed for out favorite place. When I noticed this I began to cry harder. I don't think that I have cried this hard since my parents died. I guess I was sobbing so loudly that I didn't hear the lady next to the tree ask me to be quiet. I think it was Queen Serenity. I looked up and it was. Well she was in a spirit form. "Mamoru, Prince of Earth, Usagi needs you, please go to her, protect her: she commanded. "I'm sorry I can't. I tried to protect her, and I think it did more harm than good" I admitted shamefully. "Mamoru, this is destiny and you can't change it. She needs you, if she does not survive then I wasted my own life when I sent everyone to the future. Then I would have wasted her life and I dont' want that to happen because I can't bare to think that I wasted lives" she whispered as she gently brushed my hair out of my bloodshot eyes. I looked up to her face and nodded my head and I began to run back the way I had came. I made it back to the hospital and they would not let me in past the front desk. I decided to amaze them so I turned into Tuxedo Kamen. When I did they all fainted. I flew past the front doors in one powerful leap. I saw Usako's doctor walk out with a grim face. I feared the worst was about to happen. "Wait!! I need to see her please!!" I yelled. " Son this is a hospital, I know your worried about your girlfriend but she is going to need quiet and rest" replied the doctor. "Ok can I go in and see her?" I asked quietly. "I should not let you in because visiting hours are over but I can trust you, you look like a good man" he said as he bagan to walk off. If I am such a good man then why did I leave my girlfriend and almost accidently got her killed. I pushed open the door and noticed that it was really dark inside. I did not want to look at her. I refused to look at her. I walked over to her bed and sat down in the chair. I finally got up the courage to see what I had done to my sweet princess. Her meatballs had fallen out and her hair was pulled behind a hospital cap. Dark, ugly purple circles had formed around her one beautiful blue eyes. Her cheeks were as pale as the white sheet that covered her wrecked body. Her right arm was tightly bandaged, and looked to be broken in several places. Oh Usako, my Usako how could I ever be so cruel. Her lifeless body had tubes running in and out of her. She was so pale, so motionless. I almost thought that she was gone until I remembered what Queen Serenity had said to me. I grabbed her pale lifeless hand and took hold of it. "Usako, please don't go. I need you as much as you need me. Your friends, your family and I need you. I will do anything to help you. I guess the first thing I should say to help you is why I broke up with you. Well here's the answer. I had these dreams, these aweful dreams that said if I did not stay away from you then you would surely die. I couldn't bare the thought of you dieing so I broke it off with you. I love you so much I was going to protect you from those dreams by leaving you. I did what the dream said to do. I stayed away and I realized that I killed you once already. I killed your spirit and your will to live. I am so sorry Usako, please Usako keep fighting. If not for your friends and family then for your mother, Queen Serenity. She called upon me and begged me not to let two lives be wasted. That's one reason why I am here. The other reason is that I love you more than life itself. I would give my life to you if I could. I will always love you Usako. Please don't give up" I whispered. I kissed her hand and I swear it moved. I paniced and put her hand back down onto the bed with my hand resting over it. But nothing happend after that. I closed my eyes and must have fallen asleep because when I woke up her hand was on top of mine. I looked up and saw her face, still bruised and pale. She turned away from me. All I could think was that she is awake and she is alive. Oh the joy, but why should there be joy in this? I did this to her I think I understand why she won't look at me. "Mamoru, please leave me, I said I don't want to see you again" she said calmy. " When did you say that Usako?" I asked uncertainly. "I said it as you left me on the street" she whispered followed by a sob that could raise the dead. "I am so sorry Usako. I am never going to leave you. Ever. I am going to be here always. Please look at me" I asked her gently turning her head so I could see her shinning eyes. But her eyes were not shinning, they were a dull and lifeless color which scared me. "Mamoru, why? she asked innocently. "I was trying to protect you" I asnwered. "That's not a good reason: she replied weakly. "Usako I was trying to protect you. I had these dreams, these aweful dreams that said if I did not stay away from you then you would die. I love you so much I was willing to be seperate from you to save you. I was never with anyone else, I just had to make you hate me so it would not be so hard to live without you" I reluctnly replied. "Mamoru, I would never hate you, no matter how hard you tried to make me I won't hate you. Damn you Mamoru, if you thought that I would hate you then you know nothing about me" she repiled. "Usako, that's not what I ment. I was just trying to protect you and that was the only way I knew how" I whispered as leaned down to kiss her. A hand went across my face and then it fell to the bed. I did not feel the sting on my face but the pain in my head. I looked at her and she had a horriable look on her face. She winced and said "Mamoru please leave I think that you have finally accomplished your mission. I do hate you. Its not what I said a minute ago but I have changedmy mind. That stunt that you just tried to pull was the last straw. Get out! Now!" she yelled as she collapsed to the bed. "Fine Usako, as you wish" I replied as I stormed out of the room. "Is she awake?" asked Raye. Coldy I replied " Yeah she's awake. Leave me be." As I stormed off into the night I began to think about what I had just done. I was so stupid. I knew not to try anything cause she was fragile but I had this feeling. And then that pain in my head began again. My mind screamed "Usako!" I ran back into the hospital and passed through the doctors that had begun to swarm around her room. I pushed my way in and forced everyone out. The pain had stopped and I looked at my rabbit. She had a look of awe on her face. I guess she has never seen me so mad before. "Usako, I am not going to leave and I am not going to listen to you say that you hate me. I refuse to buy that act. I am not going anywhere" I told her as chills were running up and down my back. "Mamoru, I knew that you would come back, I am just so tired right now. I want to tell you that I love you" she whispered as soft as a willow branch in the dawns wind. I rushed to her side and knelt next to the bed. I looked at my princess and noticed that she was having a hard time breathing. "Usako, please don't go, I can't live without you. I need you, your friends need you, and your family need you. Please don't leave us" I begged. "Mamoru I must I am so weak I can't keep this up. I am so tired" she said barely above a whisper. "No Usako, don't go!" I yelled. I grabbed her hand and then felt her body go rigid and then limp. " I love you Usagi" I whispered. A power deep in my soul began to rise to the surface. Her body rose into the air. There was a gold glow around her. She was then lowered onto the bed and I heard a faint noise. Maybe it was her breathing, then I thought it could not be since I had felt her die. But wait, she's the moon princess, she will live on. I noticed that she was breathing again and the power that I had released from my soul began to trickle back down into me. She opened her eyes and they were shinning again. They were not that dull and lifeless color. I grabbed her into my arms and gave her a hug and looked directly into her eyes and said " I love you."