Sailor Moon is copyright 1992 by Naoko Takeuchi. North American Rights for Sailor Moon are owned by D.I.C. Rating: PG ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Passion ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Who are you? Why am I here?" In the deep violet of his surroundings, Mamoru felt a breeze surround him momentarily. It started at his feet and circled its way up, flipping his hair back slightly. It assessed him. He clenched his fists. "What is going on?" He felt something brush against his leg and turned to where he thought it would be quickly. "You won't be able to see me." The voice came from no particular area, nor did it surround him. It simply sounded, loud and clear, and slightly amused. "Who are you?" There was a moment of silence as the wind blew from one area to another, forming an invisible square around Mamoru in its track. He followed the wind, though he knew he would see no figure. "Doesn't matter." The coloring around Mamoru fluctuated, darkening to black and then lightening to blue. He saw no walls, no boundaries. Just . . . color. He looked down, expecting to see ground. He looked in the distance, expecting to see a horizon. But he only saw color. "You aren't anywhere in particular. You're just here." There was a pause. "Or there, depending on how you look at it." The voice chuckled, amused at its own joke. Mamoru frowned. "Why am I here?" "I'm getting to that. Don't you have any patience? And don't do that," the voice added sharply as Mamoru arched his neck, trying to listen carefully. "I am neither male or female. Why must humans always categorize everything? Why can't things, why can't I, just be? It's unbelievably annoying when you do that. Accept things as they are and they will be. What is so wrong with that?" the voice muttered more to itself than Mamoru. "But moving on," the voice continued in a much brighter tone. "Who are you?" Mamoru snorted. "_You're_ asking _me_?" "It would appear so, wouldn't it?" Again, the voice was amused. Mamoru glared at . . . nothing as a breeze grazed his arm. "_I_ know who you are. But do-" "Oh, really?" Mamoru interrupted. "Enlighten me." A sigh of sorts was heard. "If you want to play that way . . ." "You are . . . Prince Endymion of Earth, protector of Earth and betrothed to Princess Serenity of the Moon. Chiba Mamoru, beloved companion of Tsukino Usagi. Tuxedo Kamen, protector of Sailor Moon, ally of the Sailor Senshi. And Neo-King Endymion, husband of Neo-Queen Serenity, father of Princess Chibi-Usagi, joint ruler of Crystal Tokyo." "Did I get everything?" "How do you know all that?" "Oh, Mamoru, I know all." As an afterthought, it continued, "It is alright if I refer to you as Mamoru, isn't it? I could call you Endymion, or prince, or Tux-" "Mamoru is fine," he replied wearily. "If you know all this, why are you asking? What do you want?" "I need to know something, Mamoru. Plain and simple." "WHAT?" "In the four alter egos that you have-" There was a pause. "Or is it three alter egos if you are already Mamoru and then you have three other-" Mamoru had quickly grown impatient with the voice's tangents and interrupted once again. "Who cares? What do you want to know?" The voice halted suddenly. "My, my, you really are an impatient one." Warm air surrounded Mamoru. "You need to relax. So high-strung. Maybe you should sit." Mamoru looked around. "Where?" "Do you think you're floating?" "I don't know what to think about . . . this place. And I'd rather stand, thank you. If I really am standing," he muttered to himself. Another sigh heaved through the air. The color became a navy blue. "As you wish, Mamoru." "Now as I was saying, with all these," There was a brief search for the right word. "Personalities and aspects of yourself, do you see any constant?" "Usako?" Mamoru imagined someone nodding their head as he heard, "Mm-hmm. And?" "And . . . What?" "Your love for her, Mamoru!" The voice was exasperated. "Is that not a constant as well?" "Of course it is!" Mamoru defended. "I just figured that it was given!" "All right." The color flowed around them, turning blue to purple to black to blue. After a long pause, the voice asked, "How much do you love her?" Mamoru nearly laughed. "How much? I would do anything for her. I would die for her; I have. I would sacrifice everything to see her smile. How much to do I love her? She means the world to me. I love her more than anyone could ever comprehend. I would crumble without her. She is everything to me." "So, you would die for her?" "In a heartbeat." "And you would do anything for her?" "Whatever she wished." "Would you throw away all logic?" "Don't you know what love is?" Mamoru said scornfully. "Love is one of the most illogical things in life." "Very well," the voice consented. "Would you give everything for her?" "Without a doubt." "Would you sacrifice for her?" "Whatever it takes." "Would you sacrifice people?" Mamoru's jaw dropped. "Nani?" "Would you kill for her, Mamoru?" the voice asked again earnestly. "Would you sacrifice the lives of people for her?" "I-" "Good people. Innocent people. The ones you protect every day. Not an enemy. Would you kill for her, Chiba Mamoru?" "I . . . I don't know," Mamoru answered confused. "Well, you're about to find out." It was almost a challenge. The wind whirled in one area of the color. A hologram appeared. It was Earth, flashing pictures of men and women in love, children squealing in the sun, elders playing chess. "What would you say, Mamoru? If I told you, you had to choose. What would you say?" Another image appeared next to the previous one. Usagi. His sweet Usako. Laughing and smiling, looking directly into his eyes, she blew him a kiss. "This is what I brought you here for. Would you sacrifice the world for her, Mamoru? Do you love her? Or are you obsessed with her? Can you find the balance? Or are you too blind to recognize the line?" Mamoru's head swam with the voice's words. "She is everything, as you said. Can your love really defeat all? Are you willing to take that chance? Are you ready to kill all these people?" He turned his eyes upon the image. Usagi fought with Rei and smiled at Ami. She ate with Makoto and laughed with Minako. She grinned at Motoki and shouted at her little brother. She pleaded with her mother and persuaded her father. She floated into the room and tripped over a crack. She danced gracefully before bumping into another couple. She dreamed. She wished. She believed. She hoped. She loved. The flashes came at Mamoru swiftly. He saw the memories more in his mind's eye than in the actual hologram. Usako. His love. Her flaws only served to make her more perfect in his eyes. She was not a girl. She was not a woman. She was simply Usako, with a heart of gold and the purest of souls. She was his life. She was he. If something were to happen to her- "Oh, no, Mamoru. That would make the choice far too easy. I know that you know that Usagi would want you to save the world. And if you were to fall with her, everything would be fine. Iie, Mamoru. Rest assured, if you choose the world, you choose a life without Usagi." Mamoru swallowed. The incessant flashing of the other vision claimed his attention. Lovers embraced and caressed. Friends fought and made up. Children scampered and scattered on the playground. Parents kissed and held hands. Couples danced into the night. Siblings argued and took cheap hits. Adults reprimanded. Teens rebelled. Adolescents partied. Students studied. Employees worked. They dreamed, as well. All of them. And they wished, and they believed, and they hoped, and they loved. "Can you live a solitary life, without her light, her joy? Can you stand to see others happy, while you wallow in your own self-made pity?" Usako or the world? By God, Usako was his life. He needed her. He had lived life without her, and, to put it bluntly, it sucked. He was so unhappy. Life was awful. It was unbearable. So many times he had wondered what his purpose was. Now, he had found it. And he was being asked to let it go? He couldn't! He wouldn't. She was everything. She was his soul, his heart, his mind. She kept him sane. She kept him alive. They had survived 1000 years. Their love had survived 1000 years. Queen Serenity had killed herself and much of what was and everything had turned out all right. If the world were destroyed, Usako would be able to fix it. She had the crystal. Everything would be okay. "Would it? Would she forgive you for letting so many die?" "Hai, she would have to," Mamoru croaked out after moments of silence. "Hai, she would," the voice mused. "Demo . . . would she forgive herself?" " . . . " "Would you want her to carry around that burden?" " . . . " But . . . look at the other choice! A life without Usako! A world without her bri- "Whoever said the world would be without her?" "But you said-" Mamoru sputtered. "I said you would be without her, Mamoru. I never said the world." Mamoru's mouth went dry. "She wouldn't die. She would be alive. Living. Breathing. Dreaming." Mamoru closed his eyes. The choice was easy. "Loving . . ." Eyes snapped open. "Loving?" he echoed. "Loving." The wind swirled once again. "Another. Loving another. In his arms. Kissing him and caressing him. Giving all of herself. Smiling for him, laughing because of him, holding him, dreaming of him, loving him . . ." Mamoru drew in a breath unsteadily. "How deep, Mamoru? How deep is your love? How much do you love her? Do you love her enough, or do you love her too much?" He could kill all those people, take their breaths, demolish their dreams, and crush their hopes. But he would have Usako. And Usako was his breath, his dream, and his hope. He could save millions of lives, and cease his breath, destroy his dream, let go of his hope, and die. For he would be living, as would she, but she would be in the arms of another. Could he stand it? Could he murder billions? Could he let another touch her? Could he take away everything? Could he bear to have everything taken away? Could he live with only her, while the accusations of the world echoed in his ears and within her soul? Could he live without her, the memory of her lips, the warmth of her embrace, and the comfort of her being embedded so deeply and painfully he can touch it no longer? Could he justify his actions with his everlasting love? Could he justify his actions if ever he saw the man who dared touch her? Could he betray his conscience, his mind, his logic, his common sense, and his sense of duty? Could he belie his heart, his essence, his being, and another sense of duty? Which was he first? A prince or a lover? These were his people. They may not know it, but he did. He had sworn to rule and protect them justly. But he had sworn to love Serenity for eternity and to protect her as well. Prince or lover? Usako or world? Guilt or jealousy? Sacrifice or torture? Love or obsession? Manslaughter or suicide? "Mamoru," the voice softly sang. The color swirled around him faster and faster. He could no longer tell when the blue became black and the black became violet. It became a blur, circling around him like the wind. Faster, quicker, closer, nearer. The pictures in the holograms flashed swiftly. Lovers fought. Ami smiled. Rei ate. Couples scampered. Teens pleaded. Makoto studied. Parents danced. Siblings embraced. His head began to spin once again. Children held hands. Motoki rebelled. Her mother studied. Her father partied. Adults tripped. Friends pleaded. Minako grinned. He clutched his head within his hands as the images blurred and merged into one. Their smile was her smile. Their laugh was her laugh. Their dreams were her dreams. Their hopes were her hopes. Their love was her love. "I love you, Endymion." "Mama, I want that one." "I don't want to see the movie." "Why didn't you stop her?" "Stop fighting!" "Aishiteru, Mamo-chan." "So, these two chickens walk into a bar . . ." "It's my turn! You already went!" "The derivative of two x over the square root of four x cubed plus nine x to . . . " "I love roses." "Go to bed right after you brush your teeth." "Can you take home after the party?" "I think we need a break." "I'll love you forever." Prince or lover? Usako or world? Guilt or jealousy? Sacrifice or torture? Love or obsession? Manslaughter or suicide? Lover, Usako, guilt, sacrifice, love, manslaughter, prince, world, jealousy, torture, obsession, suicide. The words played over and over in his head. Love, jealousy, manslaughter, murder, chickens, derivatives, fighting, Mamo-chan, Endymion, forever. Usako. Obsession, world, duty, prince, sacrifice, torture, parties, hands, break. World. love.jealousy.obsession.duty.fovever.break. The words began to blur together. usako.world.sacrifice.suicide.chicken.fighting. love.jealousy.usako.duty.world.suicide.obsess. love.jealous.usako.world.duty. love.jealous.usako.world. usako.world.duty. usako. world. usako. world. usakoworldusakoworldusakoworldusakoworldusako His eyes flew open and in desperation, his hand shot out. His fingers skimmed the surface of the hologram. His eyes brimmed with tears. He fell to his knees upon the color. The color slowed. The flashes stopped. The spinning stopped. Everything had stopped. A deep violet glowed. Mamoru looked up, eyes glassy, mouth open, confused and afraid. The air whirled before him. He gazed up at it helplessly. "Go, Chiba Mamoru," it commanded softly. "You have chosen well." He stared, unmoving, unbelieving. He'd chosen correctly? Or well? Was there a difference? "Go." He was released. He had so many questions, but . . . "Go." And so he went. And he awoke. And things were as they were. ~ ~ ~ End ~ ~ ~ Author's Notes: So, who read "The Lady or the Tiger?" That's not where I got the idea for this story, but it did remind me of it. Don't you love ambiguity? Isn't it a killer? Thanks for reading! You know the drill! HoNeY hnymustd@hotmail.com hunilove01 05/28/01 "Passion" is copyright 2001 HoNeY.