Disclaimer: *to the tune of the "Hello Mother" song* Hello readers, I am Aimee, AKA, Angst Queen, Who's quite zany. Hope you like this, New refrainey, But if you think I own SM Then you're insaney. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Tuxedo Mirage By Aimee Author's Notes Oh my...mucho angst in this one. Not quite what I would call a "dark fic," but definitely on the serious side. This takes place six years after Usagi and Mamoru have been together. There's no action in it, but a lot of emotional anxiety. This will probably be only two or three chapters long, unless I suddenly come up with a weird twist and decide to change the storyline around. ^^ And I'll remind all you lovely readers (as if you didn't already know...^^;;)that the definition of a mirage is something that isn't as it first seems... a deception...an illusion. This fic was originally entitled "Crash and Burn," but since it wasn't a song fic and a rather popular song has that name, I decided to change it. But I guess "Tuxedo Mirage" is a song, too...but what the hell. I'm out of ideas. *grin* Hope you enjoy it. Write me and tell me what you think, k? sailor_moon89@hotmail.com Aishiteru -- I love you Gomen -- Sorry Hai -- Yes Iie -- No Daijoubu? -- Are you okay? Nani? -- What? Demo -- But 'denotes thought' *denotes emphasis* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Tuxedo Mirage By Aimee Prelude There are many paradoxes in the universe... things that don't seem to belong with one another, yet somehow are compatible. Often, such a paradox is found in a man and a woman who find themselves enamored with the other, yet are different as the night and day. Their variances are many, yet somehow they reside in perfect harmony...in perfect unity... and sometimes, even in perfect love. But far too often, the union of these two individuals, whoever they may be, causes a disruption... a disruption, which often tears them apart. It usually begins with a secret. The weaker of the two individuals is often prone to concealing things about themselves. It is usually an ancient hurt, bitterness, or resentment that they refuse to let go of. They hide their chains--bury them, even--thinking that the other individual, being so completely different, would never understand. These individuals, the ones who conceal part of themselves from the other, are the ones that crash...and burn. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Tuxedo Mirage By Aimee Chapter One "Usako!" the young man's voice sounded on the other side of the bathroom door. "What are you doing in there? Answer me, Usagi!" Tsukino Usagi laughed, amusement rising to lighten her clear, blue eyes. She nuzzled down deeper in her warm bubble bath and continued to ignore the persistent man who was locked out in the hallway. 'Ah, the joys of annoying him...' she mused with a smile. 'Such fun...' The door jiggled. "Usako, this isn't funny! We're going to be late! Are you listening to me?" She grinned and blew a handful of bubbles across the tub towards her feet. "Mamo-chan, you need to loosen up. Relax--we've got plenty of time!" But Chiba Mamoru wasn't relaxed. "Don't think I won't break this door down..." he threatened, pacing outside, running impatient fingers through thick, black hair. "Nani?!" she squealed, laughing as she jumped out of the water and threw on a robe quickly. "You wouldn't dare!" "Care to find out?" "All right! All right! I'm coming out!" She unlocked the door, and it flew open. Mamoru grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her over his shoulder. "Mamo-chan! I'm...I'm gonna kill you! Put me down this instant! MAMO-CHAN!!!" He deposited her on the bed with a plop, leaned over, and kissed her fully on the lips. Needless to say, she forgave him of all wrongdoing instantly. The warm lips pulled away from hers, and she protested. "Hey, come back here...where are you going?" "*We're* going to Motoki's and Reika's for dinner...remember?" "Oh yeah..." He kissed her nose. "Dress. Now. Ten minutes." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The elevator sounded with a ding, and the couple stepped out, hand in hand. The apartment manager smiled at them, but shook his head after they passed. Those two...what a pair they were. Talk about opposites attracting. They were completely different, yet seemed quite happy with one another. They were a mystery to the manager, who had seen the couple together frequently in the years he'd owned the building. Even their looks were contrary. He had dark features--short, ebony hair; piercing blue eyes that appeared almost black at times; his attire was neat and conservative, as usual. Chiba was his name, and the manager liked him for the sole reason that he kept quiet and his rent check was never late. The girl, the manager noted, was dressed in more daringly in stylish fashions; her features were light with her floor-length blond hair and crystal clear blue eyes. The difference was obvious. He was dark, and she was light. Quite the paradox, they were. Shrugging, the manager stepped into his own first-floor apartment and shut the door, leaving the couple to themselves. "Mamo-chan, where are you going? The parking garage is this way!" Usagi called to her boyfriend, who had walked away from her. "I need to mail this letter. Hold on." The young man stepped inside the small mailroom near the lobby of his apartment building. He slipped a letter in with the outgoing mail and decided to check his box for any new arrivals. He glanced in his mailbox and spotted a lone letter. Reaching inside, he retrieved it. His eyes spotted the return address, and a frown spread slowly over his face. Jaw locked, he opened the letter. His eyes darkened. Usako could see his face from where she stood in the lobby. His eyes had grown narrow and cold, and his breathing was that of a person who was fighting to remain calm. But more than that... she could feel his anger...his hurt...his frustration. It seemed to bubble from deep within him, from places it had been sitting unresolved for far too long. "Mamo-chan...?" she whispered hesitantly, taking a step towards him in concern. "Daijoubu? What is it?" His eyes glanced up from the paper he read, and Usagi barely recognized him. Instantly, he had been transformed into the man he was before his relationship with her. Cold. Angry. Bitter. The letter was roughly shoved back into the envelope and placed inside his jacket. "Nothing. It's nothing. Come on." Taking her hand, Mamoru led the way towards the parking garage. Usagi stared up at him with wide, concerned eyes, but he never looked down upon her in return. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "So, has he popped the question yet?" Reika asked her friend as they put the finishing touches on the dinner table. Mamoru and Motoki were outside of the Furuhata's house, sharing a drink and some conversation as they watched the sun shrinking on the horizon. Usagi sighed deeply, glancing wistfully at her friend's sparkling engagement and wedding rings. "No, not yet. I'm beginning to think that he's not going to." Reika gave her a concerned look. "Usagi-chan, Mamoru loves you. You know that, right?" "I know," she whispered quietly. "He tells me everyday." The older girl sat down next to her friend. "But...?" Usagi bit her lip. "But there's something holding him back from proposing. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it. And today, he got this letter, and it upset him badly. But he won't tell me what's wrong. He never tells me anything." "Mamoru is a man of many secrets, Usagi. You know that." "But I'm his girlfriend. We've been together for over six years, yet he still doesn't trust me enough to tell me what's bothering him? That says something." "But this is Mamoru-san we're talking about. He doesn't talk about himself...not to anyone." Usagi's face fell. "I'm sorry, but that's not good enough. I need more. If this relationship is going to work, he's going to have to be honest with me." Reika nodded thoughtfully. "I agree, Usagi-chan. You need to let him know how you're feeling...and soon. But tell him in love, not anger. Promise me?" "Hai..." Usagi nodded as her shaky hands hastily wiped away a tear. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "You're awfully quiet, Mamoru. What's up?" Motoki inquired, glancing briefly at his friend's stony expression. "Nothing. I'm fine." The blond man shook his head. Same old Chiba Mamoru... "You know, I noticed Usagi wasn't wearing a ring today," Motoki carefully hinted to his friend. "Any reason why you're still carrying that rock around in your pocket?" Mamoru took a drink. "It's not time." "And when will that time be?" "Soon." Motoki lifted his drink to his lips. "You haven't told her yet, have you?" Silence. The blond man shook his head in disbelief. "I'm not going to lie to you, Mamoru. You're treading on dangerous ground. She needs to know. The longer you wait, the worse this is going to get." The silence persisted. Motoki set his drink down and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Man, what *happened* to you today? Why are you in such a bad mood?" Mamoru's eyes were locked on the horizon, but they hardly saw it. "I got a letter." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "Good night, Mamo-chan." The small blond tentatively lifted her chin, and he leaned down to kiss her softly. "Aishiteru." Her words were quietly spoken and hesitant, for she feared that he was upset with her. He had been distant the entire evening, hardly speaking to her. But then again, he hardly spoke to anyone else either. For the life of her, Usagi couldn't think of a thing she had done wrong. But he persisted in his silence, and did not reveal to her the cause of his anxiety. Usagi noted with a sigh that this was not an uncommon event. Reika was right; Mamoru truly was a man of many secrets. "Aishiteru, Usako," he whispered in return, nuzzling her hair briefly. "Sleep well." She watched in silence as he turned and walked slowly down the driveway of her parents' house towards his red sports car. The moon* shone over his right shoulder, casting a long shadow behind him, but her own reaching shadow had fallen as a solitary tear slipped down her cheek. *AN: Symbolism alert! Symbolism alert! *Aimee gestures wildly* "Mamo-chan..." she whispered brokenly. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" The porch light switched on, and the door opened. "Usagi, are you coming inside, sweetheart?" Usagi turned to see her mother standing in the doorway. The older woman took one look at her daughter's face, and her own expression softened immediately. She pulled the girl into a hug, and it wasn't long before Usagi began to cry. "Oh, baby...he didn't ask, did he?" The girl shook her head miserably. "If it was only just that." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Usagi threw another rumpled tissue at the trashcan. It bounced off the rim and joined the others in a pile on the floor. With another sniffle, she leaned back in bed, fresh tissue in hand. Her teary eyes stared at the moon through her window. It was large and full, nearly filling up the entire window frame. It usually served as a comfort to her, for it reminded her of her mother of long ago, Queen Serenity. But tonight, Usagi hardly noticed it. She needed comfort that the moon couldn't give her. She needed Mamoru. But he wouldn't come. Not tonight. He was angry. But angry at *what*? She couldn't even begin to guess. With a frustrated sniffle, she turned her back on the moon shining in the window and wept. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Mamoru shot up from his bed, awakened from a dead sleep by an overwhelmingly uneasy feeling. One word came to mind. "Usako..." he breathed in a panic, stumbling out of bed, ready to transform into Tuxedo Kamen. But something stopped him. He paused and fell silent, standing in the middle of the room, clad in drooping pajama bottoms. He closed his eyes and focused on her, trying to determine what was wrong. An image flickered into focus, and he exhaled sharply, eyes opening. She wasn't in danger. She was crying. Alone in her room. Curled up in her bed. Crying. And God knows he knew why. "Usako..." he whispered brokenly, eyes closing once again. "Forgive me." 'Go to her,' his heart ordered. 'Stay away. Hide,' his mind refuted. 'Hiding is safe.' Safe...he liked safety. Mamoru sat on the bed and placed his pounding head in his palms. He couldn't get the image of her out of his head. He hated to see her cry, and her tears quickly became the source of his own. He shook his head, dismissing all that his mind was urging him to do. He was sick of hiding. He was sick of hurting the very person he loved. He went to her. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Usagi didn't sit up in bed as her window slid open and a man stepped inside her room. She knew it was Tuxedo Kamen, and she couldn't help but smile, though her tears were still falling. So he had come to her after all. God, she loved him. The tall man padded over to her quietly and sat by her side. "Usako...daijoubu?" he whispered, stroking her hair away from her face, which was hot and wet with tears. He removed his mask and placed it on her nightstand. "Why are you crying?" he asked gently, moving his hands under her body to pull her into a sitting position. She leaned against him, and his arms encased her in a warm embrace. Her lower lip trembled. "Are...are you mad at me?" His face softened. "No, princess. Not at all." "But you were so upset all night, and..." "It's not you, Usako. I promise." "What is it, then?" she pleaded. He hesitated. "Something that I need to deal with by myself." She shook her head, bringing her eyes to meet his. "That's not how a relationship works. We're in this together." He sighed and kissed her forehead. "I know. Forgive me." He looked defeated...sullen. "You'll tell me what's wrong, then?" she requested. His pale face lowered. "I'll try." "Tonight?" "Iie. Tomorrow. You need to rest tonight. You're tired." He leaned over to deposit her small body back onto the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. "But Mamo-chan..." "Aishiteru, Usako," he cut her off, kissing her lightly. She gave a defeated sigh. "Aishiteru. Goodnight." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* She was at his door early the next morning, anxiousness pulling her out of bed. He opened the door, unshaven and exhausted. His eyes were longing and tired as they searched her own, and she instantly knew that he hadn't slept a wink the night before. Whatever he was concealing from her...it was serious. They didn't speak as they stood together in the doorway, but simply looked at one another, their eyes saying everything. Taking a step towards him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his warm chest. His arms encased her, holding her close, rocking her gently. After a warm good-morning kiss, he led her inside and into the kitchen. "Did you sleep at all last night?" he asked as he poured her a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee for himself. Usagi accepted the drink he offered. "A little. You?" His eyes met hers. "A little." Her face fell downcast, and she studied the glass she held in her hands. "Mamo-chan...you trust me, right?" she asked cautiously. He hesitated, his eyes avoiding hers. "Of course." She bit her lip, looking at him pleadingly. "You're lying to me. What did I do wrong?" "Usako, can we talk about this later? You just got here, and I..." "I need more, Mamo-chan," she cut him off. "I...I can't do this anymore. I love you...so very much...and I want us to be happy, but..." "Sweetheart, I know you do," he replied, taking her hands into his own. "And...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so weak." She shook her head. "You're not weak..." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm such a mess inside, Usako. It's my own fault, too." Usagi touched his cheek gently. "Talk to me, Mamo-chan. Please tell me what's wrong." His face lowered, and their foreheads touched. "God, Usa...I don't even know if I can. I want to, but I just..." "Please...would you try? You said that you would last night." Her eyes wavered with the threat of tears. 'Trust her,' his heart whispered. 'She's never let you down before...unlike you.' Mamoru sighed and looked around unhappily at his surroundings. No, she certainly hadn't ever let him down, but he had hurt her many times. He clenched his fist angrily, recalling her crushed face years ago when he had broken up with her because he didn't trust her enough to tell her about his dreams...her alarmed face only the previous evening when he had escorted her to the parking garage, brooding to himself but not letting her inside of his confused heart. There were many other times, too. Whatever the cost was, he wasn't going to let her down this time. "Promise me you won't get angry? Or leave me?" he whispered. Usagi watched as his eyes transformed into the ones she had seen last night...the eyes of the scared little boy. "Mamo-chan, I love you...I'm not going to leave you." He took a deep breath before he began. "I've... I've been keeping a secret from you, practically since we first met. Many years ago, before we even knew of each other's identities, I told you the first of many lies. Usako, those lies...they're why I haven't...proposed yet." He sighed, pushing his bangs away from his eyes impatiently. "I made a vow to myself long ago...when we started dating...that I wouldn't marry you with those lies between us." She swallowed the large lump that had risen to her throat. "I see." He grimaced at the expression on her face. "I'm sorry that I've been such a coward, Usako. Please forgive me." She gave a slight nod. "Go on." "Sweetheart," he began, "have you ever wondered how I came to live in such a nice building? How I have a sports car? A motorcycle?" She frowned. "You get checks from your parents' estate, don't you? The estate they left you in their will before they..." She trailed off, scolding herself for mentioning his parents. He was always so sensitive about the subject. Their deaths had scarred him irreparably. Moreover, the amnesia he had suffered as a result of the car accident that claimed his parents' lives had left him with no memories of his life before age six. No memories of his parents...the ones who had loved him. Usagi couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt inside. Mamoru's voice shook as he spoke. "Hai, I get checks...but they're not from a will." Usagi shifted uncomfortably. "I don't understand..." "Usako, I..." The doorbell rang, interrupting him. He cursed, unhappy that their conversation had been disturbed. "I'll be right back." Usagi sighed as she watched him grab a shirt off the couch and tug it on as he walked toward the door. Darn it all...she'd almost had him open up to her, and now this had to happen. Eyes shutting unhappily, Usagi shook her head as she heard voices in the hallway. "Mamoru, darling...you look like hell." Usagi's eyes snapped open, and she focused on the form of a woman in the doorway. She was in her mid-fifties, it appeared. The thick layer of makeup that she wore made her appear plastic and fake. She was tall and thin, with black hair, hinted here and there with a bit of gray. Expensive but gaudy jewelry adorned her neck, ears, wrists, and fingers, and Usagi couldn't help but gape at the size of the diamond on her left hand. The woman's clothes were tastefully cut and designed, but were the most horrid shade of hot pink that the effect was completely lost. The woman entered the apartment as though she owned it, with an air of conceit and wealth. Mamoru watched helplessly from the door, his eyes meeting Usagi's briefly. He shook his head unhappily at the questions her eyes ask him. "Not only do you look like hell, darling, but your apartment does as well," the woman remarked. "I thought I told you to move somewhere respectable. This is hardly what I had in mind." "I like this apartment, thank you," Mamoru said evenly. The woman noticed Usagi, and her eyes narrowed with interest. "And who might this be?" Mamoru walked over and took Usagi's hand. He led her to the woman. "This is Tsukino Usagi... my girlfriend." "Charmed, my dear," the woman said smoothly in a practiced tone. "I must say, that hairdo of yours is quite interesting. Who's your hairdresser?" Usagi swallowed uncomfortably. "I do it myself." The plastic woman laughed, and Usagi swore she saw the abundant layer of makeup crack. "Oh, how quaint! Simple! I love it! You must come visit me, little Usagi. We'll do lunch. She's adorable, Mamoru. Really." Mamoru's hands covered Usagi's shoulders, and she felt strengthened by his touch. "We're very happy," he said in the same even tone he'd spoken with since the woman had arrived. "Oh, I'm being terribly rude, aren't I? I haven't even introduced myself!" the woman laughed. "I'm Isabelle." She smiled at Mamoru. "Chiba Isabelle." Usagi faltered. "Ch...Chiba?" Mamoru's hands squeezed his girlfriend's shoulders. Bracing her. "Usako," he began, speaking to the confused girl carefully. "This is my mother." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Ch-Ch-Ch-Chiba! Surprised? Did you see it coming? Stay tuned for more! E-mail is a good thing! Try it! It's fun! sailor_moon89@hotmail.com Want to know when new chapters are coming out? Join Moonlit Eclipse's mailing list! You'll find the new chapters of all my stories posted there way before anyone else gets them. ^^ http://www.geocities.com/moonlit_eclipse/ Ja ne! Aimee-chan