First of all my thanx. In few cases I don't know your names. I use first part of your emails. Sorry if I have mixed something. ^^) My dear friends: Amber Leyna Allred (Laney) Jackie & Dave Ylewis (Asuka) Rini (rawan) Mystery10885 (Kit) JULIE1427 Ptgepic from Michigan StephKoy from Cali Without your emails and comments I wouldn't have strenght to go on with this story. Thank you! ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ************* READ PLEASE! THIS IMPORTANT! *************** Hello everyone! I know it's a long time since I send anything to ASMR. I won't blame writer's block here. I have written more chapters of "Different" during these months, though I WAS very busy. Let's face it - university and all exams have never been an easy thing ^^; My problems are from another department. You know, I was considering to quit writing at all. I mean I would finish this story for myself, but to send it to ASMR.... No, thank you. For all you, my dear readers, who speak English perfectly it will be hard to understand. You don't have to think about every sentence fearing that later someone would say: "Really strange grammar". Or, I quote "author's obvious handicap". Though the person who wrote that was quite merciful to me and I am grateful for his honesty, still.. It doesn't change the situation. I feel that I am not as skilled as someone was expecting me to. Maybe I am perfectionist? I must admit I have received letters saying that it was not that bad. I am really grateful to all these people. If I have forgotten someone, please, forgive me. I am grateful for your kindness and attention. Thank you, my friends. You cheered me up. But the problem remains. Sometimes it is really hard for me to put my thoughts in right phrases since 3 (or even 4) different languages are mixing together in my mind. It's difficult to explain why I am so desperate to post that story. It's not only because of Sailor Moon. I am her big fan and I really enjoy all 200 episodes. Hm... I would actually prefer 2000 episodes or even more... ^^) This story is not a simple fanfiction. It is much more that that. In many ways Usagi (and Serena) lived through things that had happened to me. There are mostly my emotions there. Almost everything what had happened in this fanfic was real life and still is real life to me. I said 'almost'. I had to think some things out, add some magic. Heh.. I don't think I am that brave and strong that I would tell all the truth without twisting it a little. ^^) It is after all too private. I wanted other people to... Ah... What I wanted is not that important now. I'll try my luck one more time. Here is the next chapter of "Different". If after reading all this, you'll decide that I still have a chance, that someone could help me with editing me story... Notice that I need not only checking for misspelling, but correcting grammar. (I would agree to put that brave person's name as a second writer)... Well.. anyway I am waiting for your emails. Yours Anni. 25-06-00 annushka78@hotmail.com And now ........ Different Part 6 by: Anni Few minutes Usagi just laid in silence. It was hard to think even a single thought. Everything was so sudden. She still remembered pain, dungeon, her helplessness. Then there had been that strange light and now... she was there, in the hospital. She slowly touched sheets enjoying the feeling of cleanliness. She was still not sure what Alex had told her. 'Maybe it is just my wild imagination playing tricks with me?' she wondered. Usagi was exploring the white ceiling. It was so strange to look at something so white. 'I am safe. I am back in Japan. It is real,' she tried to convince herself that everything was fine. 'But what if Himur is still alive? What if he will....' The word 'if' made her stomach tighten in knots. A tremor of fear ran through her. Usagi shook her head, trying to shake these thoughts away. She didn't want to think about this. At least not now. 'Better not to think about it at all' she said to herself 'or do you want to become a psycho? Who will believe you anyway?' Usagi knew she had no one to talk to. Not even Alex, though this young doctor did his best to make her comfortable. Even if someone would suggest listening to her troubles, she doubted she would allow anyone to find out her thoughts and fears. The only way to talk was to talk to herself. It was like having a twin sister. The person, who knows everything and, what's more important, understands everything. There is no need to explain your feelings for long hours. Just simple word and your twin smiles or laughs, cries or mourns with you. After staring at the ceiling for several minutes after Alex left, Usagi slowly moved her head to look around. She noticed the window just few steps from her bed. Just a usual window, nothing special. However for Usagi that meant much more then simple transparent glass. For her it was the world! People. Life. Her eyes had stayed calm and emotionless, but her heart began to run faster. For long months she dreamed about a little window, a little hole to see the world outside. Even to see only sky and stars - that would be enough. It would be something different than four gray walls. From the bed she couldn't see the street. Only a piece of gray sky and tops of the buildings. 'Maybe I should try to get closer. Just few steps and I can see the street.' This thought gave her strength. Wincing from pain in her back she tried to get up. For the first moment she felt like she was going to faint right away. 'Wow, I never thought I was so weak!' she grinned. But she was stubborn. Slowly she managed to sit on her bed. Usagi shut her eyes as the room started to spin. After few minutes regaining her senses she continued. 'I can make it' she tried to stand up on her trembling legs when a nurse came in. "What do you think you're doing?" That sudden question made Usagi realize she was not alone. She swirled around to see a nurse coming in and bringing her food on a tray. The woman never saw such fear in girl's features. She quickly changed the tone of her voice and softly explained: "Hasn't the doctor told you to stay in bed? Please, lay back. You are too weak to get up yet." She came closer and she felt as poor girl stiffened from fear. Usagi was staring down at her hands, looking rather miserable. She was ashamed of her weakness, of her scars, of her whole being. Shyly she said, "I ... wanted..." she heavily sighed and motioned towards the window "there is a window". The nurse was still trying to change Usagi's mind. "But you don't have enough strength even to stand up." In response she heard a weak 'please'. Finally the nurse gave up. "All right?" she was stunned as a girl looked up with her grateful eyes full of tears. The old woman never met such nervous child before. She laid a gentle hand on girl's shoulder. "Don't cry, child. I won't hurt you. Let's eat first and then I'll move your bed to the window so that you can lay and look as much as you like. Agree?" She received a nod as a sign of agreement. Smiling she helped the girl to get back in the bed. That was a first step out of terrible stress and fear. The first step to believe other people, to trust in their good intentions. Later when Alex came to check on Usagi again, she looked in the window without noticing anything else around. Life was going on there on busy streets: people were hurrying on their way to the work and back. Cars, noises that was so new to her. It was like a drug to Usagi. She could stay awake for long hours watching that. Alex tried to talk to her, to get some more information about her, but she refused to talk. She was just staring on her hands or in the window as if that was the most important thing in her life. When Alex tried to push her, the only reaction was tears. Alex began to fear she was mentally ill but he decided to wait with making decisions till Seb would return: 'Maybe he can make her talk. Maybe she just needs more time to adjust to new surrounding.' * * * In few days Seb came back and found her in the same condition. She was slowly gaining strength. Her wounds were almost healed, though the scars on her back would remain. She was still lying motionlessly on her bed staring in the window. When Seb first came in, she even hadn't noticed him. He made few steps towards her bed and looked in the same direction she was looking. 'Hmm... Nothing THAT interesting there on the street as I can see,' he thought to himself. Usagi was still looking outside when he touched her hand. He just wanted her attention. He never expected such a shot of electricity running between her and his fingers. 'What was THAT?' Seb never felt this way before, but somehow it was familiar. 'Dreams.. Yes, just like in the dream I saw! Oh-oh.. I am really becoming paranoiac' he grinned to himself. Usagi wasn't expecting anyone to be near her. She enjoyed being alone, knowing that no one will harm her. Usagi realized that she had to get back to earth literally. And that meant to decide what to say to others, how to behave, how to live. What was her aim now? It was the chance to start a new life. The main question was how to use this chance she was given so unexpectedly. She was still in her thoughts when she felt strange energy running into her body. Her heart began to run quicker. 'It feels like someone dear and close to my heart is back' a sudden thought run through her mind, but it was soon forgotten as she realized that actually she was not alone. A strange young man was standing near her bed looking as surprised and stunned as she was herself. "Hi." that was all Seb managed to say looking rather dumfounded. Only now he saw girl's face. 'What a strange look this girl has. Her eyes... Such a rare grayish blue. Like she is not fully awake or she'd been crying for at least few months. Maybe more...' His analysis were cut when he heard her weak answer. "I am Serena. What's your name?" Usagi said slowly. The words seem to come from her mouth without her permission. Of course she'd spent days trying to figure out a new name. But she never expected to say it that simply. Something inside of her was willing to tell this unknown guy everything, even the most horrible things she'd lived through. But she was not the same girl she was three years ago. She learned to think before talking; and usually she preferred thinking and not talking at all. She learned to keep everything inside, never showing that to anybody. First Seb doubted what he had just heard. He remembered Alex's warning about this mysterious girl. No one still knew her name or where had she came from. There was few gossips running in the hospital about strange patient, but administration decided to let her stay for some more time, hoping she would remember. What the girl said had been the longest thing she had ever said to anybody. 'And now she is telling me her name without even a question from my side. That's really suspicious.' Seb stayed with her for more than an hour. When he finally left her room, he had let out a deep breath. Everything went better than he or Alex had ever expected. This girl was so willing to talk to him that he was caught offguard. Though she told almost nothing about herself, she asked hundreds of questions. Seb really enjoyed being with her. She was like a ray of light in his life though she was not smiling and laughing. Something about her was different. Even thinking about her made his day brighter. 'Strange... but she is so sad, her eyes? like she is not used to smile. And nevertheless I like this girl already. I wish I could help her. I want to see her happy smile once.' * * * Later in the evening Alex had finally got Seb's attention. They were both so busy all day. However Alex desperately needed someone to talk to. Seb was the only person who could listen to his problem without spreading gossips later. "Seb, I don't know what to do," Alex had stopped in the end of the hall so that no one could hear them. Seb knew that kind of beginning. He was now just waiting for continuation. Something was really wrong if his usually optimistic friend was in that state of mood. "Seb.. I.. I can't help falling in love and ? but.." Alex trailed trying to find the right words. Few minutes Alex desperately tried to say something. But nothing came out. For a while Seb sadly watched his friend. 'I guess I know the problem. I was expecting that. Huh.. But I thought I would be the one in this situation." Taking Alex' hands in his Seb quietly asked: "She is in our hospital, right?" Alex sighed heavily and nodded looking away. "Is she that mysterious Serena?" Seb didn't expect himself to be so direct. He avoided touching something private and hurting his friend but he needed the answer. He saw Alex shaking his head. 'So.. she is not the one. but why I am so concerned?' mused Seb. "No.. this girl, I mean the girl I .. well" Alex trailed again. "Oh, Seb. She is dying. And I can't help her. Do you understand that I am the one who should help her and I am helpless." He continued whispering to Seb everything that was on his mind. He hadn't noticed when his voice became louder. Seb stood there unable to do anything. He knew that one day it would happen. The job of the doctor was not always a pleasure of saving someone's life. He always kept telling himself: 'Miracles don't happen. You can't do impossible things'. But that was easy to say and not easy to believe. Especially when the person who needed your help was close to your heart. 'Usually the doctors are expected to be the all-mighty saviors. But the truth was far from that' Seb thought grimly. Usagi was sleeping when she heard someone talking outside her room. She was not completely used to the fact that she was safe here and each noise made her heart run quicker in fear. She recognized the voice of Alex. Now when she was fully awake she had no other chance but to listen what was he talking about. The main thing that got her attention was strange sadness, almost tears, in the tone of his voice. She couldn't help but hear his words: "There is no hope that I can save her. I know I have to give up. There is nothing I can do." "No hope" these words were ringing in Usagi's ears for a long time after Seb and Alex walked away. She still clearly remembered her own feeling of 'no hope'. She was lying in darkness thinking to herself: 'Seb was right. Miracles don't happen in this life. You can do nothing about it. But then, how have I gotten here? Miracle...' Something made her look on her hands. She noticed a strange light coming from a ring on her right hand. The strange thing about this ring was that no one saw it except her. It was the ring that appeared to her and helped her out of Himur's domain. The stone itself was dull white with streaks of grean, red and blue. Till now it was just staying on her hand without bothering or giving any sign. Just blinking with different bright colours in the sun light. But today something was different. It was the same warm and safe feeling as the day it had appeared for the first time. It was pulsating from the ring giving her strong energy. Even the Ginzuishou never gave her that powerful sensation. Usagi closed her eyes and let her body follow the instincts. The ring was definitely trying to send her some message, but what was it? She tried to free herself from everything in order to hear some important message. The only thought she couldn't get out of her mind of the knowledge of the girl who was hopelessly ill. And again these words 'no hope' came to her mind. The next moment she felt herself moving, almost flying. When she finally opened her eyes she was in the other room, but as far as she could notice she was in the same hospital. On the bed there was a young woman lying. Another person (her boyfriend? Usagi guessed) was sitting near the bed sleeping in the chair. The girl in the bed was pale; her breaths were so shallow that it was hard to notice she was still alive. She was in very bad condition that was easy to understand even for non-professional. Another thing that drew Usagi's attention was the girl's hair. It was marine blue. So unique color. A little curly it reached the girl's shoulders. Usagi concentrated on the ring again. She lifted her hand almost touching the girl's forehead. And then she felt that again. The power was going through the ring to the helpless girl lying in the bed. But it was not Usagi's own energy. It came from above, from space, from nowhere. It was impossible to describe it. Never in her life even using Ginzuishou's full strength she felt so many emotions going through her body. When she finally put her hand away, she saw girl's cheeks became rosier. 'She will be alright now' this thought came to her again from nowhere. Like someone whispered that into her ear. Usagi would stand there longer watching the girl returning to life but she noticed a person who was sleeping in the chair till now was waking up. Only now Usagi realized that that was a girl with short blond hair. Sleepy girl had to blink few times to realize what was going on in the room and turned to Usagi with questioning glance. That was the last thing Usagi wanted: that someone would see her. She slowly moved towards the wall and the moment they met each other's glances she disappeared. When she reached her bed the power left her and she almost fell into the pillow in dreamless sleep. End of part 6. 30-06-00