This teaser is rated PG-13.  So read with caution, youngin's!

What does an aspiring author do to get attention on the web?
Shameless self promotion, <evil grin>.
In other words, it's time for a teaser kids!!!!
So put on your leather chaps, its going to be a heck of a ride!

Bastion
http://pweb.netcom.com/~bastion/index1.htm
bastion@ix.netcom.com

--------------------------------------------------------


[The view is darkness, a low rumble starts as the Narrator speaks 
 through the darkness.]

Narrator:  Every so often
           A story of fiction pushes the boundaries
           Of what is greatness...

[Orchestrated music begins as a sequence of quick scenes follows, one of
 several old men in togas philosophizing life, a man in Renaissance attire
 addressing a skull, and two siloutted figures holding each other close
 to the back drop of a sunset.  Then everything goes dark again
 before the narrator reprises his speaking.]

Narrator: Yet, more often times than not
          A story pushes the boundaries 
          Of what's in good taste....

[A sequence of choatic scenes flash on, a burning city, bodies lying in
 the streets, people and assorted animals run away franticly for 
 their lives, and at the center of it all, a young hispanic Saiyen, 
 who's boyish looks are offset by feminine mannerisms.  The view goes 
 dark once more as the youth laughs maniacally.  The narrator speaks 
 again.]

Narrator: Now those boundaries have just been refined!

[Quickly the view draws back from the darkness to reveal it to be the 
 pupil of a brown eye.  The views pans back further to reveal a crooked 
 nose, a pair of glasses, and keeps panning back until the view shows a 
 black haired young man in a straight jacket, grinning evilly as he 
 types upon his keyboard in a frenzy with his toes.]

Bastion: HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!! HHAHAHA!!! *Achoo!* Sniff, HAHAAHAHHAHAH!!!  

[Cut to black.  A series of explosions and cheap lighting effects stream 
 on screen, as an original character, (not an SI, I swear...) with long 
 black hair is seen doing various dangerous stunts.]

Tracer <jumping of burning building>: This better be worth it, you 
       baasssssarrrrdddddd!!!!

       *SPLAT!*

Narrator: Read the story that critics are ranting about!



                    ---------          

"Some people say that there are no real heroes anymore. Some people 
 say that there is no one who stands for things that are just and right. 
 Some people say that we have entered a time of utter depravity where 
 our very morals are cast aside for cheap thrills and nothing meaningfull
 can be ever be achieved. This fic proves those people right."

                     Ryoucilo

                    ---------



Tracer <looking toward an opponent that towers over him>: Oh, this better
       be worth it.

       *SQUASH!*

Narrator: A story that will leave readers foaming at the mouth!



                    ---------

"I laughed, I cried, I took my medication."

                  David Johnston

                    ---------



Tracer <driving an out of control car off an edge of a cliff>: This 
       *really* better be worth it.

       *CRUNCH!*       

Narrator: Witness a genius at work!



                    ---------

"Watch the machinations of Bastion threaten all of sanity itself!"

                   Lord Talon

                    ---------



Tracer <tied to a chair, with a laser beam carving a line to his
        crotch>: This really, *really*, Really, REALLY better be worth
        it!!!

       *SPLICE!*

Narrator: A story that will make the chest of Fanfiction writers swell!



                    ---------

"A story that I would have been proud to have written myself. Except
 that I would have changed everything in it. Oh yeah, and given it a
 different title."  

                    Gary Kleppe

                    ---------



Tracer <surrounded by a lot of angry, mean looking guys>: As soon as
       I'm done with these bastards, your ass is mine!

       *CRACK!*
       *CIS!*
       *BOOM!*
       *BAA!*

Narrator: A story that will define a generation!



                    ---------
                    
"My client denies any association to the story or the author."
                    
             A lawyer for Chris Davies
                    
                    ---------



Tracer <in hospital bed, bandages head to toe>: Hmphf, hmmp, hunmf!
       (translation) Your dead, you bastard!

[A troll of sorts enters, wearing a lab coat and carrying 
 various medical tools.]

Gubby: Who here ordered an OOC enema?

       *POKE!*

[Cut to black once again, as big bold letters appear on screen.]


                  T e r r i b l e 

                    T h i n g s 
  
                       t o 

                    W a s t e 



          AWhatCrackWasISmoking Productions(c)




[The bold letters fade, and new, scribbled letters appear
 in their place.]



                  thiz 
        
             tyme, 


         thare's 
                  nowere 
                     to 

                           hyde...


Narrator: Terrorizing a webpage near you.


[Fin]

----------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimers:  This teaser in no way reflects the views of Bastion,
              his ninety other personalities, the story Terrible 
              Things to Waste, and trendy Icelandic divas.  Kleppe,
              Talon, Ryoucilo, Johnston, and Davies are the property 
              of their respective owners, and are being used with their
              permission, well, not voluntarily.  

              Hey Chris, don't sue me, okay?


Bastion           
bastion@ix.netcom.com