DISCLAIMERS: Sailor Moon not ine, Naoko Takeuchi's. Other Scouts not mine, Naoko Takeuchi's. Queen Beryl, Zoisite, Kunzite, not mine, Naoko Takeuchi's. All other characters, mine. This is my answer to the concept of parodies in Sailor Moon. This hopefully (if I wrote it correctly) will cause the nervous system to send multiple symbols to the brain to laugh hysterically, or at least a chuckle (ok, ok, some sort of expelling of breath). There is something that this has that may be not quite politically correct, and that's some pretty suggestive content (but no obscene words this time! If that can be considered a plus... or a negative). Anyway, it is now time... to enjoy. ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ Feelings part 1 A Sailor Moon Fanfic By: Brian Cable It was hot today, really hot. And tonight it will be dark, really dark- and hot, really hot. Usagi realized this as she was sitting on the porch of her home one afternoon. Taking a needle she popped the thought bubble and proceeded to be in a depressed mood once again. "Oh, God!" She said vacantly to whoever wanted to listen, not necessarily Him, but she guess it could have been him, if he decided he would listen, but she didn't know that did she? There's no way to know if he heard her or not, just as she had no way of knowing how many fingers she would hold up next if I played the How-many-fingers-am-I-holding-up game. "Why did my Mamo-chan have to leave me? I didn't do anything wrong, not to suggest I really DID do anything wrong or something like that. Why did he have to say we needed to stay away from each other? Why aren't all these dialogue bubbles dissipating, anyway?" She starts to stand up, and needle in hand reaches up to obliterate them. "Arrggh... Hymmnnnn... Darn it, I can't reach it!" The primitive cloud-shaped dialogue boxes laughed amongst themselves at her inability to pop them. Sticking her tongue out at them and using a finger to pull down her left eyelid, she then attempted to climb the support for the porch. "Ahhh! Nooooooooo..." She lost her footing and fell down onto the ground. Grimacing from a slight pain in her lower back, she slowly gets herself back up, noticing her needle had been knocked out of her hand and was now nowhere to be found. "I know I got one in here somewhere..." her hands reached out in front of her and parted the folds of her dimensional pocket. The scenery seemed to melt around the growing hole that appeared in its place. She rummaged about in her storage area, digging out a few of Rei-chan's manga, a couple Sailor V shirts, a few hentai mangas, the Moon Scepter- "Wait a sec! I need those!" The hentai gets put back into the pocket, as a few other odd items spill out onto the grass. "Aha!" she exclaimed as she brought out what looked like a straw. Spinning it about in her hand she slowly said, "Super Deluxe Needle Shooter!" The straw was brought up to her lips, she took a breath, and hundreds of tiny black spikes shot out and impaled the balloons. The bubbles screamed in pain and whimpered themselves into nothingness. The splintered remains of white fabric sifted down to settle itself upon the grass. "I don't know what I would do without this," she grins, and sets herself back down on the step. "I'm really bored." She shot the bubble what now looked like a miniature peashooter, its form when its power was not invoked upon. "Hey, that's cool." She quickly popped a few more with her needle- shooting straw. "I'm still bored." There was bound to be something in my dimensional pocket to keep me occupied, she thought to herself. She parted the folds again, delving deeper this time, and a few more items come falling out. "Hmmm... Maybe this, no, or how about this? Wait it's got to be something I could do out here... Well, I could play with this, but I probably should be in my room with the door closed... or I could do this, or this, or any of these five things in here... I have that still? Oh, I had forgotten all about that... I could always just sit down and read some of those mangas... But that would be sooo much easier, and more fun, too." And then she fell in. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! There was a room. A room with a person in it. Her name was Ami. Wait, you aren't supposed to know that yet. A person.... sitting. At a computer. The computer's screen had pictures of males in the skippy, the title Coiled Males with Tight Abs and Long... well, you know what it said after that. The person, who is a female, and an attractive one at that, was panting and moving a hand across an exposed piece of flesh and emitting a slightly high pitched moan. Fill in the rest. BEEP! BEEP! FWIP! "Ami-chan! I-" "Waaaah!" The girl stopped what she was doing and fumbled for the close button; the males winked into nonexistence. Breathing heavily, and covering herself up, she said, "What... seems... to be the matter, Usagi?" "Er... Ami, were you... nevermind. IT'S DARK, I CAN'T SEE, I'M STUCK, I CAN'T GET OOOOOUUUUUTTTT!" "What? Usagi, be sentient. I feel as if I'm taking a quiz by a stupid teacher. It just doesn't make sense." "I got stuck in my dimensional pocket!" "Oh, no! Usagi, did you know that once you get stuck there, you may never get out? Only you can normally access it without needing to know its location. Without you in the material plane, the fifth - dimensional existence does not have a fixated position in the world." "Ami? Run that by me so I CAN understand it, will ya?" "Er... you may be there for a LONG time." "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she could hear, but no longer see, on the other end. "I'll never see Mamo-chan again. I'll never eat ice cream again. I'll never see Motoki-san again. I'll never see a hentai ag-wait a moment I can! Now where are they..." Ami rolled her eyes. At least she would be quiet for a while. Well, maybe not. She decided to go see Rei and find out if her happy little fire divination could be used in this situation. She turned off the communicator, grabbed a coat, and headed for the door. "But first..." she ran back to her computer and turned on her male muses once more. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! It was a dream, he was sure of it. Mamoru had so many of these every night, he knew it could not possibly be otherwise. A temple. Arose. From. The. Ground. It was the Moon Kingdom temple, he knew because he recognized the window he used to sneak up to when he and Usagi had wanted to have some... ahem... private time. He began running up to the room, wondering if Usagi was in the dream as well and waiting to partake in some private time with him. But the ground in front of him split into two chasms of bottomlessness. Actually, he couldn't tell if they were bottomless or not, he just couldn't see the bottom, and the writer preferred using a cliche to none. Hope was not lost, however. Using the powers bestowed to him from the Moon Kingdom, he leaped. His height rose to about twelve times the height of giant, and then he hovered in place for about five seconds, then safely landed on the other side. Well, not quite safely, because he slipped upon reaching the ground and slammed into it with as much velocity as one who had just fallen from twelve giant's heights. Grimacing from his idiocy, and from the immense pain in the lower back of his torso. he got up. Running with the speed of an cheetah high on speed, he reached the temple in hardly any time whatsoever. Once again, he tried his leap, because he always leaped before he looked, er thought about the consequences. On his way down, he missed landing on the stone balcony and barely grasped the edge. Mamoru barely made it back onto the balcony. What the caped avenger saw, sent him reeling. He saw one of the generals... doing his little dance with his love, his Usagi. He had determined only he would participate in private time with her, and now... he ran over to her screaming her name. Jadeite stopped in the middle of his dance, looked over at the intruder, and grinned. Teeth bared, Mamoru ran towards him. The general vanished in thin air, leaving a bare Usagi hung in mid-cry of pleasure. Opening her eyes she glanced wonderingly at her, well, ex-lover. He turned his head in disgust. Tremors shook the temple. A surge of protectiveness sweeped over Mamoru, and he looked back to the girl he once loved. Rocks tumbled from the ceiling, obscuring his view, yet he could still see her startled look, and her outstretched arms, calling for help. He ran towards her, but the rocks held him back. One stuck him across his jowl, and another his skull. Mamoru went down like a sack of mashed potatoes. Er, regular potatoes. Blackness groped for him like pythons at a feast, maniacal laughter permeating his thoughts. He felt them poking and prodding, then his body being dragged into something cold to the touch. Its stone texture encompassed him from all sides, and then a lid slid over him, trapping him with the darkness within. He could feel his imminent doom coming for him. Over the laughter and the ringing in his ears he heard once voice ring out loud and clear. "You shouldn't have let your girl become such a slut. Now the Earth shall be ours." !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! "Oh Yuchiro! I have a present for you!" Rei giggled as she ran across the temple. The wooden floor echoed her steps, even while wearing socks, as if an army general were overriding an embankment. A sliding door was thrown off its hinges as she seeked him in his room. Finding nothing but a straw dummy in the bed and a taped recording of snoring, she ran for the next room. And the next. And the... well, you get the idea. The entire temple no longer had a functioning door. "Yuchiro, where are you?" she ran outside into the rain. Normally she would have regretted that her socks were getting ruined and her toes becoming slightly chilled and her chest becoming nipply, er, nippy, or her present destroyed by the barraging liquid, but she didn't care. She ran across the temple's entire premises. Yuchiro, the wannabe rock star who sucked at it and who leeched off the establishment fairly well was no where to be seen. "Demons blast you Yuchiro, where in the flames did you hide?" The flames. They would tell her where he went. She ran back inside, and after a brief pause to place the present in front of the snoring dummy's room, passed into the meditation room, the most sacred of all in the temple. Muttering a brief incantation to ward off evil spirits and strong Nega-vibes, she knelt before the flame, the source of all knowledge, with pools of water forming at her feet. "Oh, spirit of flame, hear my summons. I seek knowledge of the - Waaaah!" A finger had tapped her on the shoulder. Leaning over in anger, she saw Ami, and fell on her face. "Owww!" Rubbing her now bleeding nose, she glared at her. "What do you want?" "I'm sorry. Did I interrupt a little fetish of yours. Does being soaking wet in your clothes arouse you, or is it me?" "What are you talking about?" Rei queried as she began to get up. "Your nose is bleeding. That means you're thinking ecchi thoughts." "NOT ALWAYS!" "Hmmm..." Ami paused. "Not always, that is true, but the writer told me you were." "THE WRITER! AND YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE EVERYTHING SHE SAYS?" "He." "Oh. Well, he could be a transexual or something." "I assure you he's not." "And how would you know that? Did you sleep with him?" No Comment (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!) "Enough of this idiot arguing, Rei. We have a problem." "Are you calling ME an idiot, you slut who slept with the writer?" "ENOUGH! Usagi is stuck in her dimensional pocket again." "So what else is new?" "Rei, this is serious. Unless we find the exact location of the pocket, she'll be stuck in there forever." "Not forever, genius. She'd die within a couple of weeks." "True, but I was just using a cliche again. There's a quota for one every four paragraphs. I can't break the code." "We just had almost a minute and a half of conversation without one just about fifteen lines ago. That was a lot of paragraphs." "The equivalent of four paragraphs. We would have sounded like Shakespeare if we took the rule for literal meaning. So, get to it." "No, not until I find out what happened to Yuchiro." "He's probably in the park stoking some weed, knowing him. Problem solved. Now, about Usagi..." "You whore!" Rei slapped Ami. "All you care about is your stupid Usagi. Do you two have some lesbo action every night or something?" Ami's jowl set in place, she drew back, and slapped Rei square in the face. The writer refuses to list the details of the ensuing slap fight because the writer knows no one cares, but it ended with Ami fondling and getting her way with Rei, and Rei apologizing for her lewd comments regarding Ami's lesbianism amidst cries of pleasure. Redressing into her kimono now soaked with other liquids besides water, Rei went back to focussing on the flames, now feeling very much refreshed. "Oh, spirit of flame, hear my summons. I seek the location of Usagi's dimensional pocket so we may save her from solitude and death. Wait a minute, that doesn't sound to bad. Let her stay because of her insolence." She turned, saw Ami bringing a finger in and out of her mouth and shaking no at the same time, then reluctantly turned back. "I seek the location of Usagi's dimensional pocket anyway." Silence. Stillness except for the movement of the flames. "Uh, Rei... It's not doing anything." "I KNOW it's not doing anything. I should know, I'm the one who uses it all the time. Ahem!" Rei cleared her throat and tried again. "Oh, spirit of flame, hear my summons. Thy omnipotent knowledge and everburning will encompasses my soul. I wish to use your supreme powers of divination so that my own soul may be as clairvoyant as thee in times that pass. We seek the location of Usagi's dimensional pocket, so that a soul may be saved, so that others may be saved by that soul. Hear me, oh flame, hear my summons!" "FIERY WENCH!" she heard the flame exclaim. Ami yelped and staggered backward. "OR WENCHES, EVEN! YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE SANCTITY OF MY CHAMBERS WITH YOUR LUSTFUL DISREGARD FOR THAT WHICH YOU SEEK! LEAVE BEFORE THE MINIONS OF THE FLAME DRAG YOU DOWN INTO ITS FIERY DEPTHS!" Rei and Ami both stumbled back, and ran out the door, out of the temple, into the pouring rain beyond. "You just had to be a lesbian, didn't you, Ami. It's all your fault!" "I didn't hear you complaining, flame girl!" "Omph!" They ran flat into Yuchiro, and fell to the ground. He looked down at them with somewhat of a blank look. Rei saw him, her eyes widened, and a tear rolled down her cheek. "Yuchiro! Where have you been?" "Wha- Well, I was at the park and I... "See?" Ami nudged Rei in the ribs. A hand grasped Ami's face and threw it to the ground. "You were at the park? I looked all over and couldn't find you. Wait, Usagi! Gotta run, Yuchiro-san, I have a present by your room for you! I'll be back in a bit!" Chad gasped as Rei dragged Ami along by a hand clutching her cheek, the rest trailing behind. She could be too cute sometimes, he thought to himself. Even when she's being more aggressive than a Tibetan monkey on steroids. Heading towards the temple, he resolved to see exactly what the present she had given him. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! The ground flew by in wisps past Minako's and Makoto's feet. They had been chasing their nemesis for nearly an hour and could still gain no ground on him. He had slipped into people's homes, stores, and through public facilities to attempt to wear out his followers. They had barely managed to keep up with him, much less gain ground. They would have called others for backup, but they either refused to answer, or their communicators had died for some reason. Kunzite darted into yet another home. They used their leaping prowess to jump through the window Kunzite had left open in his wake. The bedroom was not quiet like the rest, however. Exactly the opposite. A couple were pleasuring themselves on the floor, the bed still made. Minako didn't understand why they weren't doing what they were doing on the bed, but didn't let it bother her, and leaped out the other window. Makoto stopped, though. Staring at them for a moment, she called out in anger, "He looks just like my old boyfriend!" Exasperated, Minako jumped back in and dragged Makoto by the arm. They had lost ground, and needed to catch up. She could just barely see him disappear into what looked like an old, abandoned warehouse. With Makoto yelling in fear of letting go, she followed. The building was quite large, and spacious. Crates housed deep shadows as the windows provided sparse moonlight upon the floor. And her nemesis was no where to be seen. A perfect place for an ambush. "Right you are, my friend." A shriek shook the chambers, glass shattering from the windows. Minako and Makoto looked up to see an enormous furry mass come down upon them. They raised their arms to fend off the intruder as best as they could, but the creature crushed them under its weight. They laid flattened on the pavement below them, with a weight as large as a semi truck upon them. The fur struck Makoto, and broke into her flesh. It was as tough as nails. "That's kind of poorly worded, don't you think, writer?" she shouted into the fur, only a murmur escaping from the beast. Grimacing from the pain, she awkwardly moved her arms away from the creature and formed a finger triangle with them. "Supreme... Thunder!" A lightning rod shot up from her tiara, she could hear the thunder crack, and smell the charred flesh of the mass above them. Groaning, she slowly pushed the creature off of her and Minako. Two ivory tusks clanged loudly onto the floor. "YOU! You... obliterated our Wooly Mammoth tactic!" Kunzite yelled in fury. "Your days are numbered, Sailor Jupiter. Yours as well, Sailor Venus! Mua hahahaha!" in a flash of light, he disappeared. "Well, another days work, and he gets away again. He does look kinda like my old boyfriend, though. Hey, Minako, let's go find the others and tell them about what happened. They would- Hey, Minako!" The Scout of the planet Venus knelt by the mammoth, stroking the remains of its hair and whispering softly. Makoto ran over to her, and met a slap in the face. "Wha- what was that about?" "You evil human being! You destroyed a poor creature without any disregard for it whatsoever. Being selfish could not come this low. You should be drug out into Germany and put into a prison camp! You killed a wooly mammoth, the most endangered of all endangered species, considering this is the only one I knew existed!" "It's just a youma. All youma need to be destroyed." Minako slapped her again. "ALL youma need to be destroyed, huh? Let's hear you say that when you find your best friend is a youma!" "But I- "GET AWAY FROM ME! You malevolent spawn of Satan, stay away!" "Fine. I'll find the others. You stay here and play with your dead friend." Makoto leaped out of the warehouse leaving a weeping Minako cradling fur in a pool of blood. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! Something was following her and Rei as they headed towards Usagi's home, she could feel it. The scent of the pursuer's breath was nearly strong enough to be tasted. Yet, when she peered behind her, she could see nothing. They continued to run, intentionally toward Usagi's last known location, unwittingly away from what was behind them. Rei stumbled on the pavement and fell while crossing a street in a district not too far from Usagi's residence. Water droplets scattered outward from the point of contact. Ami paused to help Rei up. It was all the time her pursuer needed. She felt what seemed to be a blunt drill pummel her in her back, and tumbled to the ground, Rei following. Quickly, she rolled back onto her back and crawled a few steps backward to get a good look at her attacker. It was humanoid at least, in that the being had four limbs and was balanced upon two of them, with a face unable to be seen. Hardly anything could be made out, for it was shaking very rapidly, like it was a buzzing bee. Bouncing up and down as quickly as it did would have brought Mexican jumping beans to shame. Laughter all but droned out the thunder that cracked nearby. Zoisite could be seen standing atop a light pole across the street. "You have met your match, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars! Meet your nemesis. Vibra Torr!" The youma buzzed when he laughed, ambling towards the scouts. He left slight cracks in the pavement where he had stepped, like a jackhammer would. Ground shaking, he reared back to strike Rei. "Fire... Soul!" Nothing. The youma brought his arms down and pummeled Rei in mid-stance. "Wha... why didn't it work?" Rei screamed. "WHY DIDN'T IT WORK!" "The spirit of the flame is mad at you, remember?" Ami hissed. "Let's hope no one's mad at me, too. Shabon spray!" a thick mist settled upon the area. Vibra Torr screeched, the buzzing in his arms indicated his swinging into empty space. Ami and Rei took the opportunity to run. The buzzing could still be heard behind them. It sounded like a nest of angry hornets. However, it soon faded out, and all they could hear was their own heartbeats. The mist cleared, and they corrected themselves to the direction where Usagi was to be. They had to hurry. Time was running short. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! Food. She must find food. Usagi was so hungry she could eat the entire buffet at Taihoki Genma restaurant. She had not eaten anything in about ten whole minutes. She had eaten a half-empty box of crackers, six stale snow puffs, one fetid sushi roll, and three melted ice cream bars that she had found while stuck in her dimensional pocket. Searching for the past five minutes had yielded no spoils, however. Usagi thought she would die a horrible, painful death if she could not find any more to eat. Not like she had not tried eating other, not normally edible foodstuffs; she had. Her Disguise Pen was too long to slide down her throat, shirts tasted like cotton, and she could not bite into her Transformation Brooch, as much as she tried. She even went as far as to try her hentai magazines, but they tasted bland, except where there was a sweet tasting liquid on a few of those pages; all of those pages were torn out and eaten. She wished she were a goat, so she could eat a bit more of the items inside. Mamoru's image peered in on her quest for food as well. He was most definitely edible, she thought, but not in the same way. Plus he could not get near her without erecting a barricade between them. Be it distance, a door, window, or condom, he would never let them get close. Why did her Mamo-chan no longer love her? Was it because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to afford the restaurant bills? Or did she think she was no longer beautiful? Or that she was fat? "Oh GOD, he thinks I'm fat!" she exclaimed. She immediately began to lay down and began reps of pushups, situps, jumping jacks, leg raises, and boxer's strut. Afterwards, a worn out Usagi huffed and wheezed and sat back down. Food. She really needed some food now. She rummaged around some more, finding none. What was taking Rei and Ami so long? "I NEED FOOD RIGHT NOW!" she screamed into the blackness of the pocket. It did not reply. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! "Usagi's probably searching for food right about now," stated Ami as she ran the remaining blocks to Usagi's home. Rei, arms and legs spread far and fast to keep up with Ami's exuberant pace, shook her head. "No, Usagi's probably run out of the food she's found about now. If she doesn't eat every few minutes, she thinks she's starving, remember?" "I wonder how she keeps off the excess weight she shovels in her mouth?" Ami stared into the far distance as she ran. "Probably a high metabolism." "I was aiming more at Mamoru helping her keep it off." "Wha- wait! You don't think they're- but he- when they- I see- no, I- "I'm sure they do." "He can't possibly- you're just- that can't- aaahh!" "They do." "They do?" "Yep. Why else does she occasionally sneak off at night? And why do you think she's late every day to school? Not because she has plenty of sleep, but lack thereof. She has nothing else to do that late at night so... you know... occurs." "I guess that only makes logical sense." Rei stated. They rounded the final corner and to the front of Usagi's home. Once stopped, Ami slit open her own pocket and fumbled around for her pocket-sized computer. After finding the device, she began typing at lightning fast speed, vector models and diagrams flashing across the screen. Rei stood dumbfounded, staring at the device. The images flew by and Ami's fingers moved so quickly it was causing a dizzy spell to overcome her. How could she possibly type that fast and understand what was going on the screen at the same time? Because Ami must be a computer herself, she thought, and the one she was typing on was just for show. That could be the only logical reason. "Of course. She's not here." Ami stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "It took you three minutes to figure that out with that godforsaken demon speed typing. My eyes could have told me that in half a second!" "No. I mean, the pocket isn't here, either. It's moving away from us, towards our right. No left. Now it's right again. Straight. What are you waiting for? Come on!" Ami grabbed Rei's arm as she ran in the direction of the blip. Again they ran, although not from a vicious buzzing creature ready to pummel them to the ground multiple times. The blip changed directions rapidly, keeping the distance between it and them and somewhat far distance apart. Ami still typed away at her computer even while running, one hand gracing the keys while the other held the it in place. After about ten minutes of chasing the cage and its prisoner, they had cut it off, and the dimensional pocket, although they could not see it, was heading their direction. Ami closed her eyes, muttered under her breath, and pressed a solitary key on the computer. The blip stopped moving. Ami walked closer to the pocket and began typing again on her pocket device. Rei came up behind her, panting and wheezing. "We should get us some sort of Sailor Car or something. That way we wouldn't always be out of breath all the time." "Shush." Ami brought her hands in front of her, and made a tearing motion outward. The atmosphere rent in two, blackness appearing before it. Inside, a flush faced Usagi had an arm doused in ketchup hanging limp in her mouth. Her eyes widened, and the arm fell. "Ami! Rei! About time you showed up! I couldn't find any more to eat, and, and..." She stepped out with the support of Ami's wrist, then proceeded to hug Ami, nearly strangling her in the process. "I'm soo glad you saved me!" "So am I." A voice returned. "Ami has your voice changed? It sounds so... different, so masculine. Did you grow any chest hairs while I was stuck in that thing?" "No...Waaah!" Ami fell to the ground. Usagi's eyes grew wide with fear and pointed in front of her. "Y- you-youma!" "Wrong! I am not just youma! I am... Vibra Torr!" "Well, you're history, Vibra-scum! Moon prism power...ACCCK!" Usagi had been slammed into the ground. "I'm not going to just wait for you to become more powerful so you can beat me, Sailor Moon! I am a smart monster with no honor. The very WORST kind...hehehe." Usagi backed against the fence of a nearby residence. The youma came to her and proceeded to beat her, once, twice, over and over again with its pulsing limbs. Screams filled the air, and then silence rushed in its place. When Vibra Torr had finished, a limp, bruised Usagi lay unconscious. "One down, two to go." The youma looked about the street. Neither of the two left were in sight. "Hmmm...maybe they ran from my awesome presence. Nah. They would never leave their friend to die. That would be a foolish thing to do." FWIP! A noose tightened on Vibra Torr's foot, and pulled him to hang upside down from a lamp pole. Ami ran out from behind the fence, tied the rope several times until it was drawn taut, and ran over to Usagi. "HEY! LET ME DOWN, YOU WITCH!" "Usagi...Usagi wake up! Usagi!" Even shaking her did little more than cause her breasts to bounce up and down. Ami shook the thought out of her mind. "This is only to be used in emergencies, but I guess this constitutes as an emergency..." She reached into her blouse and pulled out a cookie. Usagi's eyes popped open at the scent, and her mouth leaped up and clamped on the cookie, and Ami's hand. "OUCH! That hurt!" "Lesson 2. That's what you get when you bribe someone, Ami. Moon prism power, make up!" Usagi's clothes were shred, strategically focussed lights blocked out the details, and, well, you know what eventually happens. She officially became Sailor Moon. "Your pummeling days are over, Vibra Torr! For love and justice, I'm the pretty soldier Sailor Moon. In place of the moon, I punish you!" "Yeah, yeah. Spare me the oratory. Just go on and turn me into moondust." "Gladly." Usagi spun and gestured and did a lot of other mumbo jumbo, then said, "Moon... Tiara... Halation!" "AAAAAGH!" Vibra Torr screamed as the tiara burrowed into him. "AAAAGH! AAAAGH! Am I supposed to stop screaming yet? AAAAGH! AAAAGH!" When the noise subsided, all that was left was a pile of dust in the middle of the street. "Great job, Usagi. He's toast!" Ami squealed. "Yeah, great job... Usagi." Rei crawled out from behind a bush. "And where were you this battle, fire girl?" Usagi pointed at Rei. "The flame spirit is mad at me. I couldn't use my Fire Soul, so I didn't want to get beaten. Smart work, as always, Ami." "Thank you. Well, are job is done for the day. How about we get something to eat? I'm sure you're starving, Usagi." Her eyes lit up. "Well, I DID just have that cookie, but I could always squeeze just a bit more..." "Usagi, you could squeeze in a cow and still have enough room for the calf afterwards." spoke Rei. "But, I do feel up for some Thai right about now..." "NO THAI! I was the one that suffered, I should get to pick. I say... pizza. Thick cheese that constricts the arteries, sauce that could choke a goat, and meat that would leave even an Aussie gasping for a drink. That's what I want." "Yuck! But you do have a point. I guess pizza it is." The three began walking down the street. "Usagi, what was the first lesson, if you told Ami that bribing was the second?" Usagi smiled, and shook her head. "I'll tell you later. It involves a bed, though." The pizza parlor would have been a pleasant addendum to the carnage they left behind them. The wind picked up in speed, swept the dust into the sky, and the scattered remains settled once more. !%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%! "ZOISITE! KUNZITE! Get in here at once!" Two forms took shape before Queen Beryl. They both knelt before her, resting against the pulsing black veins of Metalia that served as the floor. "I have a bone to pick with you two," she stated. "Kunzite, you used the wooly mammoth tactic without my permission. On top of that, you failed to destroy the two Sailor Scouts you had attempted to use it on. Do you realize that we had bred it for over sixty five million years, so that it could be used to finally put an end to all of the scouts? Sixty five MILLION years! We can't do that again, now that the scouts have arrived in this time period. The tactic required a foolproof plan to be put to use, not your spontaneous inaptitude. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you, Kunzite?" "Yes, my Queen." "Good. Zoisite, you coerced Vibra Torr, my second in command, to work with you in idiotic quest to kill three of the five scouts. In turn, you led him to his death! Metalia had given me a great deal of a special kind of energy the Negaverse is limited in to create him. Vibra Torr still had three months of training before he could be strong enough to defeat them! Do you understand this, Zoisite?" "O-of course, my Queen." "He and the mammoth were two crucial elements to the scouts' destruction. And each of you screwed up! There must be a grave punishment inflicted on you two in order to insure this insolence does not happen again. Zoisite, Kunzite, your punishment for your endeavors is... NO MORE PRIVATE TIME!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Zoisite. "I love him! You can't let that happen!" "And I love him as well!" exclaimed Zoisite. "That is just too cruel, my Queen. Even for you!" "Silence! My word is final. I said you needed to be punished. No more private time. And that includes outside of this dimension as well." Kunzite gritted his teeth while Zoisite hit his head on his hand. "No more both of you going on a mission at the same time. I'm not going to take any risks. My punishment will be carried out. And if either of you fail me again, or violate my provisions on no private time, you shall both find a terrible death awaiting you. Now, get out of my chambers, before I send my fiends to flay you alive!" Zoisite and Kunzite gasped in unison. Their queen had never spoken to them in such a malicious manner before. They heard the growls of the nearby fiends grow louder, and could here their claws scraping against the veins of Metalia. Both shifted into nonexistence quickly, and in astonishment of what had transpired. "Now, I have a new mission to carry out," Queen Beryl mused to herself. "Codename: Delivery Boy. The evil in their souls shall be exploited even further for my benefit. HA HA... HA HA HA... HAHAHAHAHAHA!" The pulsing walls of Metalia echoed the laughter until even the beating of its blackened, twisted heart could no longer be heard. ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ ][ N-not ttooo bad for my f-first fanfic, I h-hope? Just kidding. If you didn't like some of the grammar in this, look at it again. I might have intentionally placed it like that. Use my Parallel Universe series to decide whether or not I would mistakenly have poor grammar in a fic (now I write run-ons a lot, but those don't count). All I ask is that no one modify this file when distributing it, and I won't come running after you with a chainsaw. If you liked this and would like to read more, find the latest at http://virgilamg.cjb.net AND email me letting me know how much of an awesome (or horrible) writer I am at virgilamg@yahoo.com. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Brian Cable -1st Revision, released 12-04-98.