SPINNERS

By EVIL MOKONA

Story One - Sailor Python's
FLYING DEAD MOON CIRCUS

Chapter 1 - "Lemon Curry" or "Is That A Handful Of Snails In Your Mouth, Or Are You Just Pleased To Eat Me?"

Warning - This story contains various acts of culinary atrocities.  Well, you've been warned.  I mean it, really, truly I do.  

This was written to insert as many gratuitous references to Python sketches into Sailormoon and it just got out of control.  What can I say?  I'm havin' a wee problem with ma Goggomobile.  That's Gee Oh Gee Gee Oh....

Disclaimer - Sailormoon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko and Bandai.  Evangelion and the Ayanami Rei character are owned by Gainax (and Anno Hideaki?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Will someone just give that man some Prozac).  Illusions to Please Save My Earth are owned by Hiwatari Saki.  I sincerely hope none of them sue me for this as they will find very little recompense for their actions.




	When the Ancients set up their Universal Theme parks, one of the things they hadn't expected to cause trouble was reality.

	Now reality is normally an easy concept to keep under control.  It usually just happens and nobody really thinks about it.  Its just when aspects of reality come loose at the seams that problems raise their collective heads.  And in the case of such breaches, collective is usually the term best used.

	After several of their Universal Theme Parks went up with the force of a couple of exploding super-supergiant singularities, the Ancients decided it was time to take measures, and reality, into their own hands.  


	Rather than create the various universii and allow them to look after themselves, Ancients were trained to become Guardians of the Universal Reality Protocols (GURPs for short).  Most tried to shun the acronym, unsurprisingly.

	Now, the Job description for a GURP sounds simplisitc enough.  Sit through the Universal Reality Check Sweeps conducted by the Universe's Central Computer, and deal with any breaches of reality that pop up.  Unfortunately, as the early GURPs were to find out, dealing with the breaches were not as easy as they expected.

	One of the biggest problems in dealing with Reality Breaches was the insertion into the timestream of the various universii of their own selves.  To manipulate reality back into a stable stream, there was no choice but for the GURPs to get their hands dirty.  Merely using their powers to change events ran the risk of upsetting the Universal Program  But, if any of the inhabitants of their universe discovered the true nature of both the GURP and the Universe to which they were born, the breach that was already in existence began to feed on itself.  

	The concept of something OUTSIDE the reality of the Universe was enough to cause a vacuuming effect on the stability of that reality, increasing the likelihood that the breach will get out of control.  Often the only way to stop the breach at this point would be to destroy all those involved in a cataclysm, and the GURPs were loathe to use such methods.  Whilst the beings that existed in the Universii were nothing more than a construct of the Ancients, they did have a kind of sentience that could be said, on occasion, to match that of their creators....

	And so the business of becoming a GURP became institutionalised into Ancient society.  Universal Universities were set up to educate potential GURP candidates in their duties.  Very few would pass, but enough to fill up the rapidly expanding number of Universal Theme Parks.

	One of those successful candidates was Jyoserin Tepukataya.  Well, successful was something of a loose term for Jyoserin, since she passed with a B- on her third attempt, but all the same, anything above C was considered a pass in this game, and most failed to get even as high as that.

	And so, after graduating, she applied for a GURP position, not really expecting to get one.  She'd initially applied to the Universal University in the hope of achieveing nothing more than a cushy job within the company's finance department.  If there was anything she had been good at, it was making money, mostly for herself, and mostly through bribery and corruption.

	So it came as something of a surprise to her when she was posted to one of the newly-developed universes.  And a patently boring one at that.  Universe JTN 025L, operated by Central Computer Kam Kam 25.  Even before she took up her position, she just knew she'd hate the CC.  Kam Kam models were known for their eccentric behaviour.


	If there was one aspect to GURP duties that Jyoserin REALLY hated, it was the long, boring millenia waiting for something to happen.  And up to this point, nothing had.  She'd existed through twelve sweeps without a single crack in reality being found (give or take the little glitches that normally occur, such as cursed springs and the like).  And so, she spent most of this voluminous spare time tormenting lower life forms.  

	Well, it was amusing to begin with.  Using the existing program of the universe to instill a little religious, racial and political intolerance and guilt in the weak-minded and gullible gave her endless millenia of joy.  But it soon became a bore after the five-millionth act of genocide caused by yet another tin-pot dictator, and as the Universe ended its twentieth cycle and began another, she'd decided to go into hibernation....


	Jyoserin sat cross-legged and silent in front of a glowing sphere.  Gently, it ticked away.  It had been doing this for something close to an eternity, give ot take lunch breaks, but for some reason it had started to sound a tad more earnest.  Well, about as earnest as a sphere of light that ticked could sound.

	Then it let out a shrill ringing, the image of a pair of alarm bells being struck appearing within, and Jyoserin was shaken into wakefulness.  Very reluctantly.  She snorted and coughed and wiped drool from the side of her mouth, cursing whatever it was that bothered her.  Her attention slowly becoming focused, she saw the bells within the sphere of light ringing.  In anger she brought her fist down on the sphere, which shattered into nothingness.

	"Bluddie cheap alarms".  She thought.  "Couldn't ya have waited another five minutes?"  Jyoserin stood, almost floating in the darkness that surrounded her, and stared upwards.  She yawned and scratched her head.  She'd chosen the humanoid form as it roughly equivalated the appearance of the majority of intelligent lifeforms within the universe she worked.  That didn't mean she had to like it, but it would get her round without being noticed by too many of the inhabitants when they came a knocking on her door.  Not that many ever did.  It was an interesting distraction, however, and she'd planted signs all over the neighbouring systems pointing to her little residence, which was roughly the size of a small megapolis.

	"Kam-Kam....  Are you awake?"
	"Of course I'm awake.  What else did you think I'd be?"
	
	Jyoserin winced.  Oh well, looks like he's in a better mood than I am, she thought to herself.  Darkly, she contemplated what effect a processor refit would have.

	"Well, you know...  Its kinda been a long time since we last spo...."
	"Yes yes yes, I know its been a long time.  Hell, I was awake through every single moment of it.  After all, I may be a computer but I do have a least some level of sentience..."
	"Very well...  I..."
	"I mean, the least you could have done was set that alarm a little softer.  I've made a hell of a mess in the thermo conductor units cos of that.  I was only doing a spot check on it, the five-millionth such spot check in the time you decided to go sleepy-byes.  I wasn't effing well expecting you to wake up, was I?  I mean, you could have told me what the bloody hell your intentions were...  I mean, yes, I do run the sweeps, and when they find a reality breach the alarm goes off, but I'd waited so long for something to happen that I thought it best to do something else.  Its certainly not like you've ever given me any entertainment to wile away the hours...."
	"Ahem...  Can..."
	"And here I was, sitting for all this time, logging and recording events from around the universe, which was interesting at first but rapidly became as boring as an episode of Voyager, whilst you were off in dreamland.  I had to sit here and keep everything going.  Does the computer get any rest, oooohhhh nooooo!  No, whilst you have all the fun, I am bored to ratshit.  I mean, did you know that the sum total of all knowledge exists within my databanks, eh?  You know what that means?  There is nothing more to learn!  And here I am, sitting here watching a stack of predictable bullshit, not able to talk to anyone with anything resembling an intelligent response, whilst you were off kippin' away for fuck knows 'ow many years...."
	"Kam-Kam...."
	"And on top of that I've developed rot in the hard drives...."
	"Kam-Kam...."
	"I'm stickin on heaps of antifuckingfungals and the bloody problem doesn't get any better...."
	"Shutup...."
	"And not long after that, those drums of gearing oil you got on special started to coagulate within the timing machanisms of my internal clock.  Time began to slow down for me.  Do you know what it is like having to wait for an eternuty to pass in slow motion?  No, I don't suppose you do, you were sleeping through it all, weren't you..."
	"Shutup..."
	"And then we had another infestation in the storehouse of Gurmbal Rats.  The little bastards had porked their way through at least half the rations before I was able to scrag them with the ratsac.  And cheap fucking ratsac it was too, bought from the same fucking discount store you got the gearing oil from...."
	"Will you shutup..."
	"And then when I try to talk to people out there, actually attempt an intelligent conversation, you know, friendly like, they don't listen to me.  Just spout on bullshit about a galactic brotherhood and how nice it is to know that there is life in the universe.  I mean, I friggin' well know there is life in the universe.  Why tell me.  I know everything, fer Klepps fuckin' sake....."
	"Will...You...Shutup!"
	"And so I told one of them, one of these so-called 'intelligent' races about my problems, about the hard-drives and the oil and the rats and about not being able to talk to anyone and how I knew everything and all that, and the bastards go and commit mass-suicide, I mean, I was only trying to be friendly and all..."
	"Shutup!  Will you shutup!?!"
	"And then there were all the Mormons that would come knocking on the door, asking if I was interested in joining their church.  I didn't have the heart to tell the poor sods that I created the concept of religion in the first place because I thought it might be good for a laugh, so I told them that I wasn't interested and set the Smugul onto them.  I was cleaning up bits of bodies from all over the side of the station for years after that..."
	"Oh Klepp, will you please shutup!"
	"And did you know we're about three million years overdue in our electricity bill?  I mean, you could at least have allowed me to get control of the account so I could have payed it off.  But noooo, you only ever want to keep control of such things.  You're terrified of the computer having control over anything.  I mean, I know I purchased the complete set of the Encyclopdia Galactica the last time I had control but honestly I won't do it again.  I just wanted to fob off the salesman somehow, and you know they never send people small enough to get eaten by the Smugul.  I had to think of something really fast...."
	"KAM-KAM!  GIVE ME A STATUS REPORT ON ALL THE IMPORTANT EVENTS SINCE I BEGAN MY HIBERNATION!!!  CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?  PLEASE?  PRETTY PLEASE?"

	The computer sulked.  "Aww...  Now you're just picking on me."
	"Just do it, fer Klepp's sake."
	"Can you define important?"
	"What do you mean?"  Jyoserin croaked in exasperation.
	"I mean important, as in galaxies being blown to crappers, or important as in the little wriggly things that populate the universe.  I mean, there is a scale of importance out there, you know.  Klepp almighty, just take a look out the windows to the west, now there's something important.  That supergiant black hole is about to go kablooey cos its event horizon is getting sucked in with everything else.  That'll be fun to watch when it goes.  Course....  it'll be another three billion years yet, but I can wait.  Hell, waiting is all I seem to be able to do around here...."
	"You KNOW what I mean about important.  Just gimme da facts, man!"  Jyoserin sighed.  She knew it had been a bad idea to use the O9 System on the Kam-Kam series.

	"Oh, I suppose I must."  Kam-Kam sniffed with contempt.  "There's been a few breaches in the reality protocols since the last sensor sweep."
	"When and where?"
	"The first occured in the LN50 galaxial system, a stable supergiant black hole structure in the Third Sector.  The problem cleared itself...."
	"Revise the instructions....  Are there any breaches of reality protocol that have NOT cleared themselves?"

	"Ah..."  Kam-Kam gave an audible sigh.  Well, that's what it sounded like to Jyoserin, anyway.  She wondered how it was possible for a computer, even with a level of intelligence and self-awareness, to develop the kind of emotions that would lead them to sighing.  "So you want me to tell you if there are any occurrences of the reality protocol breaches NOT clearing themselves, do you?"
	Now it was her turn to sigh.  "Yes, that is what I said.  Were the instructions less than clear or something?"
	"Well, you do seem to spend a lot of your time ordering me around.  Its not really fair, I must say.  I mean, here I am, having worked my butt off for all eternity and still you won't give me a moment's rest...."
	"JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION, DAMMIT!"
	Kam-Kam gave a contemptuous sniff.  "Oh very well, yes, there is one occasion where the breach has not cleared itself."
	"And where might this be then?"
	"A little world, in the galaxy known as Mutter's Spiral.  The galactic name given to it is Telluria, but its local inhabitants tend to refer it variously as the planet Earth."

	Jyoserin mentally chewed on this piece of information (at least, Kam Kam thought he could hear munching sounds).  "That's the JS42 galaxy, is it not?"
	"Indeed."
	"That's something of a fringe system....  Its pretty rare for conditions that lead to a breach to occur out there.  Even more for the conditions to persist."
	"Should we tell them to see a doctor?"
	Jyoserin ignored the remark.  "Give me a visual on the location and those involved."

	A large image screen flashed up in front of Jyoserin's face.  Kam-Kam began a commentary on what was being shown.  The first was the image of a planet.  "This is the planet Telluria.  Its equatorial diameter in 12, 756 mellus, has a gravitational balance of 0.88 kerlan and orbits a Gold4 class star.  It has one large natural satellite of planetary dimensions."
	"Show me the epicentre of the breach."  Jyoserin bit her lip as the image of the planet enlarged to an island archipelago off the eastern tip of the world's largest continental structure.
	"The TE12 island group." Said Kam-Kam flatly.  "A heavily populated group of islands surrounded by an ocean of highly acidised water.  The population of the local dominant species is approximately 121 million."
	"Well, we can't just sneak in then."  Jyoserin rubbed her chin as the image zoomed in even further onto what was obviously a mega-population centre, a city, so to speak.  Although the dwellings and infrastructure were primitive, it showed signs of rapid formulative change....  "These locals must have developed fairly quickly over the last few medeks...."
	"From the information I've been able to gather, their technological developments have come in something of a rush.  Although their race has only been in true existence for approximately 4 million medeks, their higher-brain development has come of age in the last 300..."
	"Whaaaaaaat?"  Jyoserin's jaw hit the floor, which Kam-Kam found rather amusing.  His Mistress's physical capacity for literal body movement was enough for her to enter the Galactic Book of Records several times in various categories.  After she had retrived her jaw from the floor, she continued....  "This can't be real!  No race evolves that far that fast.  Its impossible!  Even the Drc'Thet took three-thousand medeks to achieve this level of development, and they burnt themselves out...."
	
	"Should I prepare the chamber for your intervention?"  Asked Kam Kam flatly.  Jyoserin turned to a large cylindrical chamber, which was illuminated at that moment.  The chamber was created for the purpose of taking the intellect of the GURP and inserting that intellect into the mind of one of the Universe's inhabitants, using the powers invested within the Ancients.  Jyoserin considered her next move for a few moments.
	"Very well.  We can't have this continuing.  This rapid development is obviously a by-product of the protocol breach...."
	"Uh, ma'am...."
	"Yes?  What is it?"
	"The breach has only been in existence for about five medeks now...."

	Jyoserin frowned....  "Five medeks...."  She rubbed her chin a moment.  "Perhaps the rapid development caused the breach in the first place...."  She thought a bit longer.  Kam-Kam disturbed her thoughts.
	"Perhaps its a fluke.  I mean, like the OPK incident.  Nothing more than a couple of potentiality streams accidentally crossing each other...."
	"Yes, and we know what happened then, don't we?  Why the hell anyone thought the smokeless ashtray was going to sell, I have NO idea...."
	"So, how do you intend to plan for this foray?"

	Jyoserin thought about this for a few moments.  "Give me a rundown on the individuals involved in this incident, their personal histories and what part they played..."
	"Yes ma'am."
	"And give me their current locations...."



	It was not long after Rei had been diagnosed with a serious impulse control disorder that the sailor senshi found themselves sitting in Rei's bedroom at the Hikawa shrine, chatting away and generally doing the kinds of things they tended to do before they had to fight for their lives.  For some reason, Minako had taken to pacing backwards and forwards outside the doorway to the bedroom, softly singing to herself about having a lovely bunch of coconuts.  The others put this behaviour down to the fact that she was blond and had spent a short period of time in England.

	"Hey, hey, did you meet that new girl in school today?"  Usagi leaned over the small table in an almost conspiratorial tone.  Makoto and Rei did the same so they could hear what she was saying.  Ami simply sat back, reading a book on the sex life of snails, trying desperately to find some trace of her family history.  "She was pretty strange.  Just standing and staring half the time, never saying anything."  Usagi continued.

	"Why was she transferred to our school, anyway?"  Makoto asked.  "She doesn't try to fit in with anyone....  Maybe she's...  You know...."  Makoto pointed to her head.
	"What?  Mental?"  Rei blurted out.  Makoto and Usagi both clamped a hand over her mouth.  Then Makoto turned to Usagi.
	"Why are we whispering this, anyway?  She's not likely to hear us."
	"Yes, but you never know with these people, she might be hiding just around the corner."  Usagi and Makoto took their hands off Rei's mouth.  Rei turned to Makoto.
	"What makes you think she's a screwhead, anyway?"
	"Its all those bandages she keeps in her bag....  Covered in blood and all...."  Makoto shivered.  Rei looked nonplussed.
	"Bandages?  Maybe she'd had an accident or something..."
	"No, its more than that....  Its the way she plays with them that gives me the creeps."  Now both Usagi and Makoto started to shiver in unison.  Rei looked at the both of them and turned on the heater.

	"Thanks."  Said Makoto.  Just at that moment there was a knock on the side of the open doorway.  Makoto turned to see a deliveryman standing there.  She got up and walked over to him.

	"Yes?"
	"Is this the Hikawa Shrine, 45a The Crescent, Fairmont Estate?"
	"Yes, why?"
	"Did you order a swamp thing with the lot?"
	Makoto turned back to Usagi.  "You're not ordering from experimental food joints again, are you?"



	"Th...th...th...these people are involved in this kind of charade!?!?!?!"  Jyoserin stared at the information as it scrolled over the 3D display.  "An ancient kingdom that once existed on the planet's satellite, based on magic and love?  What is this bullshit?"
	"Don't ask me.  Its not in my records.  And everything exists in my records."  
	"Yes, yes, yes, we know you're a smartarse, okay?"
Jyoserin sat back in her chair and suddenly remembered she didn't have one.  After picking herself up, rubbing her sore backside, she continued to contemplate the scrolling information whilst trying to conjure up a chair.
	"The planet's satellite has been incapable of supporting any form of life throughout its history.  It has no atmosphere, no water, no significant radiation belts, no sign of any of the basic building blocks of life whatsoever...."
	"Perhaps this so-called kingdom was set up by an alien race that settled on the moon....  They could have based a small city-like station there to watch over the planet below."
	"And they're all suddenly reincarnated on the world below as the local form of intelligent wildlife, currently enjoying the fruits of this world's wonderful education system and getting all angsty over memories of their past lives.  Yeah right, I can see that happening."
	"Actually, that did happen once, but nothing on the scale suggested."  An image of an abandoned space station appeared on the display.  Jyoserin stared at the image and scratched her head.
	"Hmm... anyway, this is far too small to have anything to do with this 'Moon Kingdom' legend."
	Kam-Kam shrugged.  Not that a computer can shrug, but it at least attempted the task.  This was mildly disconcerting for Jyoserin....  She'd never seen a computer attempt to shrug.  Her expression said so.
	"What can I say?"  Kam-Kam replied to her expression.  "I'm having a wee problem with ma Goggomobile."
	"Your what?"
	"Never mind."  There were times, Kam Kam thought to himself, when his mistress lacked the mental capacity to grasp obscure humour.  (Jyoserin never had the heart to tell him that it was the same for everyone else).
	
	Jyoserin sighed and the displays disappeared.  "I'm going to try to possess one of them to influence the situation.  Is the chamber warmed up?"
	"Yes ma'am."  Kam-Kam seemed to hesitate for a moment as Jyoserin was preparing to leave.  "Umm....  ma'am..."
	"Yes?"
	"Who are you going to possess?"
	"I'm keeping my options open."
	"But you'll only be able to transfer yourself a limited number of times before you have to return and recharge...."
	"I know that.  I'll have this worked out within a perimedek....  What can go wrong from here?"  And with that, Jyoserin vanished, reappearing in the possession chamber.  Kam-Kam muttered to himself.  "Alright, Kam Kam, I'm choosing a subject now.  You may switch on when ready."

	For a few moments, the chamber glowed, Jyoserin winking in and out of existence, finally vanishing as the glowing reached a peak and a rushing sound reached a crescendo.  Kam Kam twiddled his thumbs, wondering what to do next.  He suddenly realised he didn't have any thumbs, and stopped.

	"Is she gone?"  Asked a soft voice.  Kam Kam's attention moved to the small figure, now standing in the shadows.

	"Yes, ma'am.  However, it is only a matter of time before she finds you."

	The figure chuckled.  "I most certainly hope so.  I hate to think that I've gone to this extent for her to fail such a simple task...."



	Back at the Hikawa Shrine, the girls continued to sit around the table, sighing.  Makoto stared into the corner of the room, where the swamp thing sat happily, not even showing any signs of moving.  It just watched them with what Makoto feared to be a somewhat hungry gleam in its eye.  Rei rapidly became bored with the situation, and decided to perform mildly amusing acts of violence upon Ami, who had been feeding her family of snails, referring to each by name and, most worryingly, referring to one particular pair as "Mom and Dad".  Minako continued to pace outside the doorway, now crooning the greatest hits of Glenn Miller.  Considering there were often very few words to Glenn Miller's repertoire, this proved to be very short and repetetive.

	"What the bloody hell are we gonna do with that thing?"  Makoto thumbed the swamp thing.  Usagi took another mouthful of Ami's snails, crunching and drooling spit and slime down the front of her clothes and across Makoto as she replied.
	"B'gdifino....  J'sthtwouldbenicetaodarfromthasall...."  Makoto would proceed to spend some large portion of the rest of her life trying to translate these words.  As Usagi swallowed the slimy mess she wiped her chin with the tablecloth.  "You should really try them, Makoto, they make great soft-centres."
	"I don't think so somehow.  Raw snail has never been high on my list of favourite dishes."
	"Aww, you're just mad cos I ordered the swamp thing and ya don't wanna eat it."
	"I'd like to see you try."  Makoto growled.  For some strange reason she was feeling a bit agro today.  She spun towards Rei, who had Ami in a double overhead half nelson.  "Will you STOP that fer Chrissakes!  Its really beginning to bug me!"

	Rei huffed and let go of Ami, who collapsed onto the floor.

	
	Jyoserin's soul flew through billions of light years in a matter of seconds.  She could see her target, within the small hut in the shrine grounds.....  All she had to do was to get the targeting right.....

	
	Ami looked up at Usagi, tears in her eyes from the pain of what Rei had just afflicted upon her.  Suddenly she froze....  Seeing her beloved snail collection being ravaged by the mouth on legs herself.  As Usagi reached down to take the last specimen, Ami grabbed the container where she had kept them

	"Not Archibald!  You're not going to have Archibald too!"  Ami gritted her teeth determinedly as she held the container protectively.  Usagi shot her a menacing look.
	"I want that snail, Mizuno!"
	"No!  I'm not going to give him....  er....  her....  whatever.  I'm not going to give it to you!  Don't you know this is my cousin, twice removed?!?!"
	"I won't tell you twice, Mizuno.  Give me the snail."  Usagi leaned menacingly forward.  Makoto was getting really pissed off now, and she couldn't work out why.
	"Will you BOTH just SHUTUP about the FUCKING SNAIL!!!!"
	"No!  I must eat that snail!  It is my destiny as the Moon Princess to eat that snail!"
	"Umm...  Excuse me..."
	They all turned to the swamp thing, which had suddenly found voice enough to speak.  It recoiled initially from the dangerous looks they sent.  "Umm...  er, if you wouldn't mind, I can start being a real swamp thing now and attempt to maim, kill and eat you.  That's if you like, I mean I really don't have to, I'm quite happy to sit in the corner here if you want me to and stare into space all day....  Umm..  Okay, I'll shutup now."  The swamp thing retreated to the corner again.


	Jyoserin shot through the atmosphere towards the island archipelago.  The big city structure now in her sights.  It came closer and closer...  The resolution becoming clearer.  Eventually the district...  the suburb...  the block...  the street...  the shrine came into focus.  Her soul plowed through the roof of the hut at an unbelievable speed, and she felt herself crash into what she hoped was the body of the one she had chosen to possess....  Slowly, she opened her eyes.  This seemed a little difficult to do for some reason, and she swung the eyes upwards.  There was a large face bearing down upon her, and she felt a few moments of fear.  The face came into focus....

	Mizuno Ami!?!?!?!  Jyoserin was shocked....  Mizuno had been her target!  then if she had missed Mizuno.... who the hell was she in?

	"NO!  I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ARCHIBALD!"  Ami's incredibly loud voice bellowed.  Jyoserin swivelled around to look at the others.
	"THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE MIZUNO!  I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN.  GIVE ME THE SNAIL!!!"  Jyoserin could see Usagi's angry face bearing down on both herself and Ami....
	Oh fuck, Jyoserin thought....  I'm in the snail....


	Usagi converged on Ami, putting out her hands like crooked claws.  Ami backed away, holding the container even more protectively.  Makoto had had enough.  "WILL THE BOTH OF YOU FUCKING IDIOTS JUST STOP FUCKING AROUND!  I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!!"  And just to prove her point, Makoto smashed her fists through the table.  This caught the attention of Usagi, Ami and Rei pretty quickly.  Usagi fell back towards the rear wall.  The shock of what Makoto had done worked like a spike through Usagi's sense of reality.

	"Wh...  Wh...  What am I doing?"  She looked at her shirt for a moment, and suddenly became very ill.  "I....  I just ate...."  Usagi put her hands over her mouth and turned around.  Makoto gritted her teeth and snarled.
	"What are ya gonna do, Tsukino?  Throw up all over Rei's nice floor?"
	"It's alright, you know, Mako-chan.  I throw up over it all the time.  Ya know, parties and things....  See all the patches"  Rei pointed to little dark spots all over the floor.  Ami stared at the spots.
	"You said that was rain damage."  Rei looked up at Ami and shrugged.

Makoto clenched her fists and stood, unable to withstand the company of others a moment longer.  "I've had enough.  I'm outta here!"  And with that, Makoto stormed off through the doorway, almost bowling over Minako, who had graduated from Glenn Miller to Irving Berlin.  As she strode towards the front gate, she put a hand to her forehead.  Why am I so angry, she thought to herself.  Things seemed to be strange all around....  Nothing seemed to be going right for her lately.  Everyone was giving her a hard time, picking on her, making fun of her....

	She felt rage again, and continued with renewed vigour, momentarily bowled over crossing the street outside by a creature on a spring that shouted "Time for Bed"....

	Rei and Ami watched Makoto go.  Rei turned to Ami for a moment.  "What's gotten into her?"  Ami shrugged at Rei's question.  Suddenly, there was a large crashing and splintering sound, and Rei was knocked over Ami by a figure with a large can-opener which had smashed its way through the wall.  The container with Ami's snail went flying across the room, and both it and the snail were skewered by the point of the can-opener.  Ami stared at this and broke out in tears as the figure stood tall above both Rei and herself.

	"DINSDALE!"  The figure shouted.  Rei looked up for a moment, her eyes wide open in surprise.
	"Ho....  Hotaru?  What are you doing here?"
	"DINSDALE!!!!"  Hotaru's voice became much more menacing, staring down at Ami and Rei with a psychotic gleam.  Then she leapt through the opposite wall, her footsteps disappearing across the Shrine's courtyard.  

	Rei stood a little groggily, rubbing her head.  And they think I'm the one with the problem, she thought to herself, and stared over at Usagi, who had proceeded to coat one entire wall with snail paste.  The sight made her feel just a tad nauseous herself.  Ami had crawled over to the remains of her beloved Archibald, picking up the snail tenderly, tears streaming from her eyes.

	"My Archibald.  My dear dear Archibald."  Ami shook her head sadly.  "Oh well, waste not want not."  And with that she swallowed the snail, shell and all.  Rei watched disgustedly as she smacked her lips a few times.  "Hmm..."  Said Ami.  "Needs salt."


	It had been a rather painful way to leave a body, but being split in half by a giant can-opener rather brought the story of the snail to a very rapid end.

	Jyoserin's soul flew away from the shrine.  It had been more an autonomic response that anything else...  No real thought as to where she was going to plant herself next...  She just didn't want to feel the pain of being in two halves for much longer, and who could blame her?  

	Her old man could, that's who!

	Her father always said she'd be a total disaster as a GURP.  Right now, parentally-induced guilt was beginning to weigh her down....  She needed to find another body quickly before things really began to get out of hand.

	It was no use trying to go back to the guest house.  Whatever had been causing the reality breach had created waves of chi around the girls there.  What she needed to find now was someone who was relatively close to the others, but whose life was still vaguely normal.  Almost automatically, her soul was shot towards its new destination, and before she had time to think, found herself slamming into the body of another....


	"Are you alright?"  Umino stared at Naru as she hiccoughed for a moment.  Naru put her drink down and nodded to him, sitting across the table within the coffee shop.
	"Sorry, just a slight turn."
	"Don't worry.  I get them all the time."  The emotionless voice from the girl sitting next to Naru intoned.  Umino and Naru looked at her for a moment.
	"Really, Ayanami-san?"  Umino stated.  "How long have you had this problem?"
	"I'm not really sure."  She continued in her monotone.  Then she noticed Naru staring at her and turned to face her.  "Nani?"
	"Your hair is blue."  Naru blinked a couple of times.  Umino looked from Ayanami to Naru.
	"Uh....  Yeah.  I think that's rather obvious, Naru-chan."
	"Actually, its technically cyan.  Or teal.  Depends on your point of view."  The sentence was the longest the pair had ever heard Ayanami express.  For some reason they thought it would be the last time they'd ever hear one like it.  Ayanami stared at Naru, who stared ar her.
	Ten minutes later, they were still staring.
	Twenty minutes later, they were still staring.
	Thirty minutes later, Naru decided that Ayanami wasn't likely to ask her why she was staring, and stopped, using eyedrops to resurrect her dehydrated eyeballs.  Well, she thought, if I ever need someone to use in a staring contest against a fish, I'll know who to ask....
	"Um....  Sorry about that.  It just occurred to me.  you know, about the hair."
	"I see."  Ayanami turned and downed the last of her now cold coffee and stood, picking up her schoolbag.  "I must be getting home.  I shall see you tomorrow."
	"Wait, I'll walk with you."  Naru stood.  Ayanami shrugged.
	"Be my guest.  But what about...."  Ayanami turned to Umino, who had nodded off during their staring contest.  "I guess that settles that."  Naru grabbed her schoolbag and the two girls wandered out of the cafe.

	Umino was asleep for only a couple of minutes more, when he was woken by a girl with a large can-opener, smashing through the cafe window and jumping onto his table.
	"DINSDALE!"  Was all she got out as Umino was knocked back by the can-opener's handle during her next leap...  Across the counter, bowling over the girls who were serving there, through the doors into the kitchen, and onwards to a chorus of smashing pots, pans and concrete.


	Back at the guest house, Ami held Usagi's head in her lap.  Usagi still looked distinctly queasy, even after emptying the contents of her stomach.  Rei had grabbed a cloth and a bucket in an effort to clean off the mess, only to find the swamp thing had absorbed it all by osmosis.  Well, she thought, they had to be good for something.  Rei sat down forlornly by the broken table.

	"That was all pretty weird, y'know, everyone losing their thread like that."
	".sguls neeb evah dluoc yeht ,esrow neeb evah dluoc tI"  Ami said, stroking Usagi's hair for a moment.
	Rei stared at her for a moment.  "What did you say?"
	Ami looked up at her.  "?tahW  ......dias I  ....mmU"  Ami put her hand to her mouth.  "!sdrawkcab tuo gnimoc era senil ym llA"
	"That's what I thought you said....."  Rei shook her head.  There were a few pills in the medicine cabinet she'd personally liked to have been consuming right now....  But in all likelihood, her Grandfather would have probably got to them first, the geriatric little addict....

	"Oh God!  Oh God!"  Rei and Ami turned to the voice that arrived from the doorway.
	"Ce....  CereCere?  What are YOU doing here?"  Rei turned and stood as the asteroid senshi fell to her knees, puffing heavily.  "And anyway, how did you get here?  I thought you and the others were...."  Rei raised an eyebrow in confusion.  The last time she and the asteroid senshi had met, the girl had not been entirely in her right mind.  Rei watched her suspiciously.
	"Oh god oh god oh god, its horrible...."  CereCere clutched her chest in pain.  Rei sighed and walked over to the strange, red-headed girl and put a hand on her shoulder.
	"What is?  What's happened?"
	"Its too horrible to talk about....  The very sight of it...."  CereCere burst into tears.  Rei did her best to comfort her.
	"You can tell me....  We're both senshi.  Maybe we can help...."
	CereCere almost choked on her words.  "I've just seen Independence Day....  Oh God, its so horrible, I don't know if I'll ever recover."

	After Rei, Ami and the swamp thing picked themselves up from the floor, CereCere put a finger in the air, her expression changing to a rather more positive tone.  "Aha, I remember what I'm here for now.  Its even more horrible than that."
	"?si tahW"  Ami asked.
	"Yeah, What is?"  Repeated Rei.
	"Its ParaPara.....  She's forgotten to take her medication this morning...."

	Suddenly, from nowhere, lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, the earth was torn asunder....  The land was visited upon by tsunamis and typhoons.  There was flood, and famine, and pestilence and death....  Minako spun around.  "And on the satellite picture, we have a broad band of clouds which is currently to the east of Honshu...."

	Rei pitched the swamp thing at Minako.  "I think the next song in the Beatles collection is 'Ticket to Ride'.  Get on with it, blondie!"


	The walk had been a long and silent one.  Naru peered aside occasionally at the new girl.  Ayanami's face was a mask of sheer, gut wrenchingly determined boredom.  Eventually, Naru could take no more.  There was something she had to ask her.  It was imperitive that she be asked.  Naru grabbed Ayanami's shoulder before they crossed the main road leading to her house.  "Ayanami-san!"  Ayanami stared at her in surprise.  "You don't mind if I call you Ayanami-san?  It does seem a little formal.  How about just Ayanami?"
	"Uh...  Fine, fine."
	"Yes, Ayanami.  A little less formal.  I like to get an easy rapport with people, you know.  Formality really gets in the way with things."  Naru breathed a little easier.  "Now, Rei, I...  You don't mind if I call you Rei?"
	"No...  No, everyone calls me Rei."
	"Yes.  Its so much easier....  Less formal.  um, now Aya-chan...."
	"I'm sorry..."
	"What?"
	"I don't like being called 'Aya-chan'."
	"Hmm?"
	"I don't like being called 'Aya-chan'.  Its that simple."
	"Did I really call you Aya-chan?"
	"Yes you did.  It was very demeaning.  I don't like it."

	For some reason, Naru was feeling annoyed with herself, as if this whole train of conversation was getting in the way of something....  Suddenly she remembered.
	"Who....  Who are you?"
	Rei stared at Naru.  Naru gritted her teeth.  "I'm not going to start another staring contest.  I know you're not supposed to be part of this scenario.  You're an anachronism."
	"What do you mean?"
	"I mean...  I mean..."  For a moment, Naru wondered what she meant.  Then suddenly, Naru's face hardened.  "I'm the Guardian of the Universal Reality Protocols."
	"Oh?  Would you like to read our meter?  Its a Keats...."
	"My name in Jyoserin Tepukataya."
	"Well, I'm very sorry for you."
	Jyoserin....  She now remembered who she was....  It had taken a while to suppress the Naru-personality....  Jyoserin became annoyed with this Ayanami girl's flat tone.
	"Who are you, Ayanami Rei?  According to the records stored in the local computer, you simply do NOT exist in this universe.  In several others, yes, but not in this one."

	Jyoserin-Naru moved on Ayanami, who backed into the wall, frightened by the expression on the other girl's face.
	"I dddddon't know wwwwwwhat you mmmean...."
	"Oh, I think you do.  Of all the aspects within this twisted scenario, you're the one anachronism to appear....  Now you either tell me who you really are and what you are doing here, or I'll bring the wrath of nonexistence down upon you."

	Ayanami turned aside for a moment.  "Alright....  I'll tell you.  But not here.  People can hear us here."  Ayanami looked back at Jyoserin-Naru for a moment, then her eyes fixed on something behind her.  An expression of surprise, mixed in with no expression at all, crossed her face, forcing Jyoserin to turn.  A huge ball of smoke and light had appeared in the air above the middle of the road, and a figure emerged.

	A clown like figure, with red hair and yellow-red clothing.  Jyoserin spun and stood in front of Ayanami as the clown stepped down onto the road, cackling to himself.
	"Well well well, what have we here?  Two young girls just brimming with energy."
	Jyoserin gritted her teeth.  What the hell else was this reality breach going to throw up?  "Who are you?"  She demanded.

	"Me?"  The clown replied haughtily.  "My name is Ronaldite, first general to Neo Queen Burial.  And I am here for your energy...."

	And with that, Ronaldite spread out his hands, sending sparks of electricity, plasma and fire towards Jyoserin and Ayanami....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who is Ronaldite?  (Umm...  isn't that already answered?  Not entirely, but it won't advance the plot any.  Just give me a reason to spew bullshit for several paragraphs in the next chapter....).  Will Jyoserin and Ayanami escape his evil plans?  (Of course they do.  Be a pretty short chapter if they didn't).  Why are the Senshi behaving like a pack of stupid, psychotic prats?  Is this any different to how they normally act?  Who is the mysterious figure within Jyoserin's base, and what does she have to do with the Reality Breach?

With any luck, none of these questions shall be answered to any satisfaction in the next chapter.  That'd mean there'd be nothing left for chapter 3.....  Oh well.


PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 2

	Jyoserin and Ayanami slowly walked down the darkened time passage.  For some reason, there seemed to be a distinctive pattern to the walls of the tunnel, like bone.  Jyoserin shivered...  Even with the worst nightmares of creation at her disposal, she still felt chill at the thought of being so close to something that resembled life.  Ayanami, for her part, didn't say anything or look like she felt anything.  Well, that was pretty much par for the course.

	"How much farther do we have to go?"  Jyoserin stared at Ayanami.  The girl looked aside at her.
	"Not far now."  She pointed ahead.  "You can see the exit."  Surely enough, there appeared a light at the end of the tunnel.  Suddenly, Ayanami grabbed Jyoserin and threw the both of them against the wall.
	"What the fuck?"  Was all Jyoserin could get out as a large freight train went roaring past....  The two of them watched as each carriage rumbled through with great speed, then relaxed as the last went through....  "Hmm....  The light at the end of the tunnel WAS the train coming the other way..."  Jyoserin mumbled.
	"That was not possible."  Ayanami said flatly, now having let go of Jyoserin and brushing herself down.
	"Yes, well, I should have thought that was pretty obvious."  Jyoserin moved about as far from the wall as was possible.  The bit she had been pushed against had a formation that looked suspiciously like a grinning skull.
	"No.  I mean look...."  Ayanami pointed down the tunnel.  There, in the light of the exit, stood a figure.  She looked a tad old to be wearing the senshi sailorfuku, but in this reality everyone seemed to be exactly ten years behind in their intellectual development.  The woman had long dark green hair and carried a staff.

	"That's Meiou Setsuna...."  Jyoserin scratched her head.  She went over the stats of those caught in the reality breach.  Meiou Setsuna, a university student, majoring in History, Classics and Temporal Philosophy....  And here she was wearing a sailorfuku, carrying a big stick, standing at the exit of a time tunnel that shouldn't exist that lead to a future that shouldn't exist....
	"Hai.  It is her,"  Ayanami stepped forward towards the oldest of the senshi, followed at a distance by Jyoserin.  As they came within two metres of Setsuna, she thrust out her staff in a manner that meant for them to stop.
	"It is I, Pluto, Ayanami Rei, messenger of the Small Lady."  Ayanami stared at Setsuna, who seemed to be in the mood for a staring contest with the unmistakeable champion.  Jyoserin wasn't in the mood for it.

	"Stand aside, Meiou!  We must speak with the young Tsukino Usagi!"

	"None shall pass!"  Setsuna's voice was flat, but threatening.

	"What?"  Jyoserin looked at Ayanami, who looked back at her and shrugged.

	"None shall pass."  Setsuna repeated.  She took a step forward.

	"Look, we don't have any argument with you, alright?  This girl here was sent by the....  uhh...  'Small Lady', to check up on events in the past.  Surely, as the Guardian of the Time Gate, you can understand the importance of preserving the flow of time?"

	"It is my duty to guard the time gate.  None shall pass."  Setsuna set them with a steely glare.  Jyoserin was getting pretty pissed off now.

	"Then we shall have to force our way through..."

	"Then you shall die."  Setsuna was suddenly surrounded by a flare of energy.  "Deddo Sukariimo...."  From the top of her staff, a huge ball of energy flew at the two girls.  Ayanami put up her hand, and the energy shattered against an invisible barrier.  She then flung her hand in a cutting manner towards Setsuna.  There was a spray of blood as the energy fields created by the two dissipated.

Setsuna stared at where her left arm used to connect to her shoulder, and found nothing more than a bleeding stump.  She looked up at the pair defiantly.

	"Alright!  I'll 'ave you for that!"  Setsuna waved the staff at them with her remaining arm.  They ignored her.

	"Get out of our way, Pluto."  Ayanami pointed at her.  "You have been defeated."  Jyoserin looked from Setsuna to Ayanami, trying to hold onto some semblence of normality.

	"No I'm not!"

	"Yes you are.  I've wounded you."

	Setsuna gave the missing arm a cursory glance.  "Its just a fleshwound."

	Ayanami's face twisted.  "But I've taken your arm off."

	"I've had worse."

	"You bloody liar."

	"C'mon then.  Are you chicken or something?"  Setsuna began prodding them with the staff in an attempt to provoke some reaction.  "Chicken...  Chicken..."  She succeeded, but this time from Jyoserin.

	"Oh, I really don't have time for this."  Jyoserin whipped up a large pull-cord from out of thin air.  "Petanko puressu", she said as she pulled the cord.  A large 10 ton weight dropped on top of Setsuna.  Ayanami stared at Jyoserin.
	"I thought you said it was important that everything is set to rights?"
	"So?"
	"Well, it'd be hard to achieve that with Setsuna dead."
	"Oh bugger it.  I'll just resurrect her later, after all this is done with."
	"I must say, that's a very cavalier attitude to take."
	"So sue me."


	Jyoserin and Ayanami moved past the weight, trying not to step in the mess that leaked out from the small space below it.
	"By the way..."  Jyoserin asked.  "What was that you used against her?  you know, to cut off her arm and all..."
	"Ah, just an AT Field.  They come in handy at times like this."

	As the pair exited the tunnel, the weight moved, and a slightly squished, but rapidly regenerating figure emerged from underneath.
	"Ah, I see.  Running away are ya?  You COWARDS!"  Setsuna said, shaking half a fist at them.  She spent the next ten minutes looking for the other half....


Next Time on

SPINNERS



If you've bothered to read this far, please mail all responses, comments, criticisms and abuse to ayanami@merlin.net.au.