Title: The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... Part 38 Author: Dark Day For Anime (Mark A Page) Email: darkdayforanime@hotmail.com ICQ: 9845111 IRC: DDFA on DALnet & Austnet #AJAS's Fic Rating: Well and truly rated.... -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... by MAPPY (aka DDFA) Part Thirtyeight - And a WTF in a Pear Tree -------------------------------------------------------------------- ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ -------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: An office. Usagi is sitting at the desk, dressed in a business suit, reading out aloud a book entitled "Chinese for Advertising Women". There is a knock and she pauses, looking at the door. Usagi: Come in. Chibiusa opens the window, steps in and sits down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk as Usagi puts the book down, waiting for the door to open. She then realises that Chibiusa is there and turns to her. Usagi: Ah. There you are, Usa. Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am. Usagi: Shutup. I'd like to have a word with you, Usa. Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am. Usagi: Shutup. Now I want to talk about your advertising campaign for Tokyopop. Now, I've had the Editor in Chief over this morning and he's unhappy. Very unhappy. In fact he shot himself. Chibiusa: Badly? Usagi: No, extremely well, actually. Usagi reaches down and lifts up Stu Levy's leg from behind the desk, then holds up a sign that says joke, then puts both back down. Usagi: Well, before he went, he left a note with the company secretary.... Usagi opens up a large cupboard next to the desk and grabs the note from the body of the company secretary as he falls to the floor. Usagi: ....The upshot of which was how disappointed he was with your work, and why you had changed the name of his product from Tokyopop to Tokyopoop. Why Usa? Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am. Usagi: Shutup. Why did you do it? Chibiusa: Errr.... it was a joke. Usagi holds up the joke sign again. Usagi: A joke? Chibiusa: Err, no. A sales campaign. Usagi: I see. Usagi puts down the sign and stands, stepping over to the wall where there in a rather sick looking sales chart, with the line steadily heading downwards. Usagi: Well, lets look at the sales chart, shall we? She points to the top of the line. Usagi: When you took over this account, Usa, Tokyopop was market leader. This was when you started your first campaign, "Tokyopop brings new meaning to the word vomit". Usagi points to the next downward turn of the line. Usagi: Here is where you made your introductory offer of a free dead dog with every issue. And this followed your second campaign in which you said "The exciting magazine that brings you new cholera, mange, crabs, HIV, scabies, syphilis, the clap and athletes head, from the House of Tokyopop. Chibiusa: It was a soft sell, ma'am. Usagi sighs and sits back down. Usagi: Why, Usa? Chibiusa: Chibiusa, ma'am. Usagi: Shutup! Well? Chibiusa: Well, people know the name. Usagi: They certainly do know the name, they burnt their offices down this morning. The owner is hiding in my bathroom. There is a gunshot. Usagi: The owner WAS hiding is my bathroom. Chibiusa: You're not going to fire me, are you? Usagi: Fire you!?!? Three men dead, the office burnt to the ground, the account lost and our firm completely bankrupt! What can you possibly say? What excuse can you make for all of this? Chibiusa: Sorry, Mama. Usagi: Oh, well, that's alright then. Usagi gets up and walks over to a wall, where she pulls down a small projector screen. Usagi; Oh, and by the way.... Your film's won a prize. On the Screen: Haruka and Michiru, lying back on deckchairs by the wall in Tokyo, dressed in swimsuits and shades, with a marquee beside them, underneath which stand silent servants, waiting on their beck and call. Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Kenshin: Oro..... Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, DDFA was about to take on his greatest foe in a duel to the death.... Himself! (Insert Stock Western Music in here as two DDFA's face each other in the middle of nowhere). DDFA1: Alright, ya yella bellied varmint. Go fer yer guns. DDFA2: Why are you speaking in that silly voice? DDFA1: I thought I'd get into the mood. DDFA2: But this scene is plainly silly. DDFA1: So is this fanfic. What's your point? DDFA2: Wouldn't it be better if we talked this over? DDFA1: What have you got to say that I don't already know? DDFA2: I'm not wearing any underpants. DDFA1: ..... DDFA2: ..... DDFA1: Alright, I didn't know that. DDFA2: See! I can still surprise you. DDFA1: Actually, the term "surprise" didn't really enter into it. That's exactly what I'd expect from someone like me. DDFA2: You're just jealous that I thought of it first. DDFA1: Am not. DDFA2: Are so. DDFA1: Am not. DDFA2: Are so. DDFA1: Look, I don't want to argue over this. DDFA2: Yes you do. DDFA1: Shutup! We've already done the Python ripoff. DDFA2: Awwwww.... DDFA1: Anyway. It is time to deal with this situation. There can be only one. DDFA2: Stop the Highlander cliché³® DDFA1: Listen, you're just asking for a punch up the conk. DDFA2: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. DDFA1: How many times do I have to tell you.... Look, if we don't get this scene over and done with, it'll be cut back to the H&M scene. DDFA2: Like how? Meanwhile, back by the wall in Tokyo. Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Michiru: ..... Haruka: ..... Sakura: HOEEEEEE! Meanwhile, back in the middle of nowhere. DDFA1: Like that. DDFA2: Oh, I see. END OF PART 38 -------------------------------------------------------------------- ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ -------------------------------------------------------------------- And now.... A message from InfamousSquall@aol.com.... "DO YOU HATE USAGI OR SOMETHING? ALL OF YOUR STORIES ARE BASED ON HER DEATH. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE MAIN FREAKIN CHARACTER OF SAILOR MOON THEN QUIT WRITING STORIES ABOUT HER! DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON STORIES NO ONE EVER BOTHERS READING." Thanks Squallie. We'll be getting back to you about that. Over and over and over again until you can take no more, and then we'll start with the feather duster. ^_^ And so, will Tokyopop ever recover? Does anyone want them to recover? WTF is going on with Usagi? Why is she alive in this chapter when she is supposed to be dead. I mean, she dies in all of my fics, right? Just ask Squallie. That's InfamousSquall@aol.com, if you haven't taken note, yet. Of course, it IS AOL, so we all know what to expect. Besides, it could be worse.... I could write a grapefruit. Of course, I'll be sued by grapefruit farmers from around the world. I'm surprised they haven't tried that against the anime fanfiction community, already.... Then again, the grapefruit shall probably take out their vengeance against us when we least expect it.... Citrus are mean bastards when they want to be. You should try dealing with the Tangerine Union! Mark Bolan did, and look what happened to him. In his Mini, even. Anyway, very little of this ramble has anything to do with the next chapter of "The Fanfic Formerly Known As...." The fanfic approved by JingJing, and she is not a cat to be messed with. I mean it. Really. Truly. _________ / @ \ MAPPY (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page) / / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au /\ "I saw his body thrashing round, I saw his \/ \/ pulse rate going down, I saw him in \___________/ convulsive throes, I said 'I'll have one of /_/ \_\ PU those'." (He'll Never Be An) Old Man River - TISM TROGGLE 1.0 - 11.37 Sunday, 8th October 2000