"Do You Know What's The Day Today?" This is my 6th misting. Please read my others. They can all be found at Web Site Number 9, http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml E-mail me with questions, comments, etc. at Servo84@hotmail.com. Feedback is wanted, as few bothers to do this usually. Disclaimer: MST3K is the property of Best Brains. "Do You Know What's The Day Today?" belongs to Meiko a.k.a. May. The SOL bridge. Tom & Crow are on the left, and Mike is there on the right. Mike: Ok, Tom: Bill Gates. You have 30 seconds. Tom: Uh.... Super rich Bill Gates He has a hundred billion Lucky little nerd Mike: Crow? Crow: Ready Mike. Mike: Titanic. Crow: Really big ship sank James made it a long movie At least Leo died Mike: Alright. Tom? Tom: Shoot. Mike: Record-able CDs . Tom: um.... (long pause) Mike: (looking at stop watch) 10 seconds. Tom: (rushing) Um... Hold more than a disk But now I need a new dive to burn my own CDs... Wait no! Mike: Sorry, but your last line had one too many syllables. Crow: Face it Tom, you lost. Tom: No! Best of 11! Mike: Crow's won 5 rounds of haiku-ing in a row. Why are you doing this to yourself? Tom: He's not better, he just lucky!! Crow: Yea, right!! Mike: (trying to change subject) Let's see what Pearl's up to. He hits the mad's button. Pearl's van. There is a line of other vehicles in front of and behind the van. Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are there, looking bored and impatient. Occasional honking can be heard. Pearl: (honks horn) Move it! (notices Mike) Hi Nelson-O's. It looks like there was an accident ahead of us, and now traffic is all backed up. Apparently, a positron tanker rear-ended a semi, so now only one lane is open. SOL Mike: (slightly puzzled) But you're in space... Pearl's van. Pearl: Your point? Anyway, we could be here a while. SOL Mike: Well gee, I guess no fanfic today then. Pearl: Oh no, I would never be so selfish as to not share my misery with you! In fact, today's fanfic is a real hurter. Drywall? Observer: It's another Sailor Moon fanfic that has nothing to do with anything that happens in the actual show. In it, 2 pieces of lint are dumbed down to play Luna and Artemis. Observer sends it up. SOL. The alarm goes off. Crow: A blaring alarm We enter the theater now We have fanfic sign Tom: Shut up Crow! 6...5...4...3...2...1... Mike & the bots enter the theater. >Author: Meiko aka May aka Chuckles >E-mail: sergek@co.ru >Length: 5 pages Crow: (as author) One for each level of hell. Mike: There's seven. Crow: Well, close enough. >April 21st, 1999. 11:20 p.m. (23:20) Mike: Hey! He knows what today is! >Hi, minna!! >FOURTH fanfic! Crow: You know, 4 is considered bad luck in Japan. And I'd hafta agree now. >I think I'm writing stories pretty fast, hehe! Tom: (as author) Who needs to proofread or have ideas! >Well, there's not >much to say! Just a lil' something! -- >When the person is thinking, I'll put it in ' '. Mike: (as author) Obviously, I won't ever be using them for me. >I mean... Like.. "Makoto looked >into Motoki's charming eyes... 'What a hunk he is, after all!' " Everyone >got me? Good. >Sometimes instead of "Girls" and listing their names, I'll write "minna". >It's Japanese for "friends-who-are-girls" and "girls" in general AND >"everyone"... Tom: Sometimes, instead of "plotless, pointless piece of trash", I'll say this story. Crow: Sometimes I don't say "person who hacks out cheesy inane Sailor Moon fanfics", I use the word 'author'. Mike: Come on guys, lets give the story the befit of the doubt. Crow: You mean, maybe Pearl sent us an action-packed, suspense filled Sailor Moon epic? Mike: Yes. Pause. They all burst out laughing. Crow: (laughing) Good one Mike! Tom: (Laughing) You really had us going there! >Here ya'll find the word "gomen" -- it's Jap. for "sorry", or "excuse me", >got it guys? Mike: (as author) I'll be using it a lot in the story, it's really bad... >I'll again use Japanese names. >I dedicated this story to Luna and Artemis, cause EVERYONE made their >fanfics about Usagi and Mamoru, so I decided to do something *different* >this time... Crow: (as author) I mean, why does everyone write fanfics about the main characters of the show??? What's with that? >List Of Characters: >Usagi = Serena >Ami = Amy >Rei = Raye >Makoto = Lita >Minako = Mina >Luna = Luna >Artemis = Artemis >Usagi's bird-clock = :) Kidding. >All the characters **yawn** belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha Ltd., Toei >**YAWN** Animation... I guess this thing got boring to death =D Tom: (sarcastically) OH NO! It was a very exciting and interesting author's note! >Well! Lookin' for your E-mails, guys! Mike: You just keep looking, don't bother to write... >Hugs! >Meiko :) __________________________________________________________________________ > "Do You Know What's The Day Today?" (r) Tom: 6/6/60? >Luna was happy and full of joy -- Mike: (as author) She'd been drinking dish soap again. >today, November 18th, Sunday, was her >Birthday! She woke up but didn't show she's awake. She glanced at the >bird-clock >on Usagi's shelf -- 7:30 a.m. -- and it began chirping. >Luna wondered why Usagi's not awake -- what about standing up early, then >shrieking 'Happy Birthday!!' and throwing Crow: (as author) Luna out the window? >mountain of gifts up to the B-dayer's >whiskers?.. Luna stood off her pillow, jumped on Usagi's bed, and looked at >Usagi's sleepy face. Suddenly, Usagi snored at top of her lungs right into >Luna's face! >"Aughhh!!!" screamed Luna and fell off the bed. >'Is that "Happy Birthday"?!' Mike: You get the impression that Luna's rather stupid? Tom & Crow: Yea. >She scrambled on the bed again and shrieked into >Usagi's ears: Crow: (as Luna) YOUR SOUL IS MINE! MINE!!! >"HEY, YOU! WAKE UP!!" >Usagi just slept there. >"USAGI!!!" >"Huh?.." >"Well, maybe you'll get up at last?" asked Luna, hintingly. >"What's up?.." Mike: (as Luna) That's the direction opposite the pull of gravity, you idiot! >"Do you know what's the day today?" >"Sunday... 18th..." >"And?.." Luna prompted. >"What's the time?.." >"7:35 a.m." >"Aughhhh!! LATE!!!" Usagi flapped her eyes open and started running out of >her bed, but instead fell on the floor. >"Darn it!" she scrambled up and ran to her closet, found a dirty, Crow: (as author) magazine. Mike: Watch it Crow. >un-ironed skirt with a hole on the right knee, pulled it on halfway, then >her stare fell on the bird-clock: 7:36 a.m... Next second Usagi was in her >bed under covers: >"Are ya NUTS?! It's Sunday!! I waited for this day for a whole week!.." Tom: And we've been fearing this for a whole week... >"And I waited for this day for a whole YEAR!" muttered Luna to herself. >Usagi pulled the blanket over her head, muffing: "Don't ya dare to wake me >up till... noon, got it?" Mike: (as Usagi) I don't care what evil the nega-verse is up to, or who it's killing, I'm sleeping in! >Luna with a hurted look left the room, sullenly. >'I hope girls remember!' Crow: (as Luna) And I hope cows eat! >she thought, going down the stairs. 'I better call >them...' >This moment, the front door downstairs was flung open, and Ami, Minako, >Makoto, and Rei thundered up the stairs herd-like... and over Luna. Crow: (as Luna) AHHHH! Ouch! OW! OH NO! Rei's wearing high heels! >And didn't even notice her! >"Girls!" Luna hoarsed. Tom: Hoarsed? Da heck? >"Oh, yeah!.." with surprised looks, they turned around. "'Morning, Luna! >What're ya doing here?" Tom: (as Rei) I mean, why on earth would you be in the place you live? >"And what're YOU doing here?" Luna asked. Crow: (as Luna) Why the heck are YOU in your friend and leader's home? Mike: The combined IQ of Luna, Usagi, and the girls adds up to 15. >"Well... um..." started Ami. >Makoto came to the rescue: "Yeah! We want... umm..." >It was Minako's turn: "Well... we want Usagi Crow: See! Right there, this is a hentai! >to... um..." >Rei gave them a dirty look and finished: "...to get out of bed and go >shopping!" >"Shopping?.. Oh... um... Do you know what's the day today?" Luna asked >hopefully. >Minna exchanged looks. Crow: (as Rei) I'll trade you 2 smilely faces for a frowning face. Tom: (as Minako) Throw in a sneer, and it's a deal! >"It's November 18th, Sunday," said Rei. "Luna, did you get it from Usagi? Mike: (as Luna) No, I got it from some a monkey that bite me in Africa. I should probably be quarantined, I'm REALLY contagious. >Forgetting simple things, I mean." Tom: (as Rei) Like plot and spelling. >"No, I guess it were you who got it." Crow: (as Luna) And it is me who has not it now! >Luna marched downstairs and in the living >room she saw Artemis reading a newspaper. >'If HE won't remember, I'll!..' Mike: (as Luna) ...I'll change my name to Bob, move to Antarctica and invent a teleportation device! >Luna walked to him: "Artemis." >"Huh?.. Ah, 'morning Luna!" Artemis glanced up for a moment. >"Do you know what's the day today?" Luna said through clenched teeth. 'Last >hope.' >"Day?.. Ah!.. It's..." Artemis looked at the newspaper. "It's November >18th, Sunday, 1999. Why did you ask? You forgot?.. I thought there's a >calendar in the kitchen..." >The next thing he saw, was Luna's paw, as she 'clawed' his face! Crow: (as author) By 'clawed', I mean she tore his face off in gory chunks. >4 bright lines went from his ear to his chin. Tom: (as author) Luna had Hi-lighted the places where she was going to slash him with a meat cleaver. Mike: Man, you guys are dark today! >"Luna! What did I do??" >Luna was gone. Tom: (singing) Where have all the Luna's gone... >Artemis with a stupid look walked into the kitchen. 'Maybe I told her the >wrong date?..' Crow: (as Artemis) Or maybe it's PMS? >On the wall by a counter hang a calendar. Big bold numbers said: 1999. >'So the year's right!' Mike: Most people I know don't need to look at a calendar to tell the year. Crow: Face it. The characters have the intelligence of a lobotomized lab rat. >Below "1999" was: November. >'The month's right, too...' >And there was the date, 18th, Sunday. >'The date's right, too...' Artemis glanced at the clock on the counter. >18th. Tom: (puzzled) 1800 is military time for 6:00. It took Artemis 10 1/2 hours to find out the date? >'So everything was right! What's wrong, then?.." Mike: It was simply the wrong time for the right time. >He touched his burning cheek. >Then he looked at the calendar again. There, the '18th' date was circled by >a bright-red marker, and underneath was signed in Usagi's sloppy >"handwriting": Loona's B-day... It hit him. Crow:(as author) Then it started to choke him, and tried to break his neck... >'So THAT'S why!..' Artemis turned around: >"Hey, guys! Guess what! Today's Luna's Birthday!.. Guys?.. Guys! Where are >you???" He ran upstairs. ______________________ Mike: Alas, will we ever find out where the other guys went? Tom: No Mike! Don't encourage her! >Luna returned home after wandering around with gloomy thoughts. She went >upstairs. When she opened the door to Usagi's room, it was thrown back, >then someone rushed out slamming the door back right at Luna's face! >"Ow!!" she shrieked, and turned around, rubbing her nose, in time to see >Ami clatter the first stairs down. Crow: (as Ami) WHAAA! *ThumpThumpThumpTHUD* >"Ami!" yelled Luna. >Ami turned back -- all in glue, glitter, and pieces of paper: Crow: (as author) But not a stitch of clothing! Tom: Woo-hoo! >"Oh, Luna! I am sorry... Did I hurt you?" she asked carefully. >"No, thank you," said Luna. "I'm FINE..." She saw that the door slightly >opened and peeped in; but Ami ran up and closed the door -- right with >Luna's whiskers! -- in a flash. Mike: If there's one thing that this fanfic does well, it's smack around the cats. >"Hey!" Luna pulled her whiskers out and straightened them off. "What are >you guys doing there?" >"We... umm... well..." >Suddenly, the door opened again and Usagi raced out of it, shouting: Mike: (as Usagi) SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! >"Ami! What're ya doing -- " She noticed Luna, who was peering into the >room. Usagi shut the door immediately, and Luna'd nearly got her whiskers >stuck again. >"Luna! What're ya doin' here?" Usagi folded her arms. >"I have the same question," replied Luna grimly. "I want to go to MY room >to take MY Walkman, which I forgot. Mike: (as Luna) I want MY walkman, that is half my body weight, that won't fit my head, that I can't use because I don't have hands, and managed to get in spite of the fact that I couldn't buy it because I don't have money and a cat can't purchase things. Now hand it over! >That's all." >Usagi sized her up: Tom: (Usagi, thinking) She's about 7 pounds, 9 inches tall,... >"That's MY room. And MY Walkman." >Luna felt as though tears are going to stream down her whiskers, but she >managed to hold them back and ran down the stairs without a word... >"Usagi-chan, don't you think you have overdone things?" said Ami. Crow: (as Ami) I mean, telling her that it was your room and your walkman... that's harsh. >"Nah..." Usagi waved her hand. "Now! Go where you where going and bring >that thing, Ok?" Mike: (as Usagi) The go to that place and do some stuff with the thing. ______________________ >Luna was in the living room, 'watching' TV. If you can call it 'watching' >-- she was staring in nowhere. 'They're jerks. Jerks. JERKS. *JERKS*. >**JERKS**." Crow: (deep voice) Kill them! >"Ahem... Luna!" >Luna turned at the left, and her face buried into a neatly-organized bunch >of red, blooming roses! Artemis was standing before her on one knee, >stretching her a bouquet!! Tom: Mike, how would a cat get a bouquet of roses, and how would he be able to move them? Mike: It's just another poorly thought out detail. Ignore it. >His right cheek was bandaged. Crow: (as author) His left cheek had been burned off by acid. >"Artemis?!" said Luna, staring at him. >"Luna! Happy Birthday!" Artemis said, stretching a... box with >Butterfingers. Crow: Now there's a shameless product promotion. Mike: I doubt that this would sell butterfingers. Crow: I meant for other companies. Mike: Oh. Tom: (as Luna) Unnatural food that cat's don't eat which will probably cause me to puke all over! Thanks! >"Thank you, Artemis! You're the best!" Crow: (as Luna) The best I had so far anyway... >'He remembered! He remembered! He didn't >forget!' Mike: Brought to you by the Repetition Department of Repetition >Luna tugged Artemis and hugged him. >"Now, Luna!" Artemis got out of Luna's grasp. "Ahem... will you... will you >marry me?.." He handed her a golden ring shaped like a fish. Tom: Aww, how stupid. Crow: Mike, why would a cat have a ring? They don't even have fingers. Mike: Just ignore it. >"Artemis! You SPOILED such a MOMENT! How could you!.. You're the same JERK >as they're! And an idiot, too!!" Luna yelled all of this and... 'clawed' >Artemis' left cheek. Crow: (as author) Again 'clawed' means "tore it off in gory chunks". >"AUGHHH!!! Tom: (as Artemis) AUGHHH! NO! NOT MY EYES!!! AUGHH!!! OW, MY JUGULAR! AUGHHH! >Luna!!" Artemis cried tearfully and clenched his cheek. >Luna angrily stomped upstairs, and shouted back: "Hate ya!!" >Artemis just stood there with roses, Butterfingers, and ring. ______________________ >Luna grimly threw the Usagi's room's door open Mike: (as author) This was no easy task, as Luna was only 9 inches tall and had no hands. >and the moment she stepped in she >was showered with confetti and four voices shouted "Happy Birthday, Luna!" >"Ah?!" Luna was startled with the biggest eyes you can imagine. Crow: Infinity! Tom: Infinity plus one. Crow: Damn! >She saw Ami, >Makoto, Minako, and Usagi threw their hands in the air. Mike: (as girls) We surrender! Don't shoot! Crow imitates automatic weapon fire. Tom: The Wave works better if you have more than 4 people. Crow: Since this is Luna's birthday party, shouldn't they be wearing their birthday suits? >The next thing she knew, >she was sitting in the mountain of wrapped boxes up to her whiskers, and >girls pulled a *giant* cake -- about three times bigger than Luna! -- to >her; it was decorated with cream and crescent moons and Butterfingers (her >favorite candy!) and three candles were on cake's top. Tom: Unfortunately, cats are carnivorous, so no cake or candy for Luna. Mike: How thoughtful of them! >Luna was speechless. Then she yelped the only thing that was in her mind: Crow: (as Luna) Duh... ... bacon.... >"So you didn't forget!!" Mike: (as Luna) You didn't forget, you didn't forget, you remembered. >Minna laughed. >"Hehe... So did Artemis congratulate you?" asked Minako. >"Yes. He did," said Luna darkly. >"And what??" Usagi was starry-eyed and leaning her chin on her hands. Crow: (as author) Usagi had taken a LOT of crystal meth, and was really flying. >"Nothing." >"Why?? What happened???" cried everyone. Crow: (as Luna) Nothing happened, we just sat there and talked. >"He's an idiot!" bursted Luna. "He's a fool! A total one! He ruined such my >Birthday 'cause of some darned stupid marriage! And I've never loved him! >How could I fell in love with an idiot in my life?! A stupid foolish male >cat!" >Suddenly, they heard the door crack; they looked back and saw Artemis' sad >butt going away and his tail trailing on the floor (sadly, too). >Everyone kept quite for full 5 minutes. >"Ah," was everything Luna could say. >Rei flew into the room, Crow: She's a witch! Tom: Burn her! >her hand in the air with a box, shouting: Mike: (as Rei) Live from New York, it's Saturday Night! >"Hey, gomen >everyone! Happy Birthday, Luna! Here's a present for you! Tom: (as Luna) It's ticking. It's a bomb?! Crow: (as Rei) Just you wait! >And oh... there was >some note by the door..." She added the gift to the mountain Luna was >sitting in, and glanced at the note that was in her other hand: "...oh. >It's >for you, Luna." Rei gave the note to Luna. >"For me?.." Luna took the note in her paw, and read. Crow: (reading letter) iF yOu WAnt To SEe DiAnA ALIve, LeAVe 100,o00 $ iN... >Then jumped up and raced out the room and down the stairs at a good racing >cockroach's speed, leaving everyone speechless. Long pause. Crow: Racing cockroach speed? Mike: I don't know, I THINK that's supposed to be funny... maybe it would be if we were as dumb as the cats. >They all rushed to the note, tripped on each other's feet, >fell down, but Usagi managed to grasp the note before everyone did. >"SO?! READ IT!" yelled Rei and showed Usagi her fist. All: FIGHT!!!! FIGHT!!!! FIGHT!!!! >Usagi stuck her tongue out. >Rei pulled her sleeves up, getting ready. >Usagi stuck her tongue even further. Mike: (as author) Rei pulls out a sawed-off shotgun... >Rei fumed and clenched Usagi's neck. Crow: (as author) Usagi bit off Rei's ear... >"REI!! USAGI! QUIT THIS!" Minako and Makoto and Ami pulled Usagi and Rei >apart. Crow: Yuck, that's got to be messy. >"Usagi-chan, please, would you mind reading us what's written on the note?" >Ami asked timidly. >"Oh, yeah!.." said Usagi, then glared at Rei. "Alrighty..." Tom: ...then. >She read the note. Her eyes popped out, and she Crow: (as author) accidentally stepped on them, sadly blinding herself. >rushed out of the room and downstairs. >"What?!!" cried Rei, Minako and Makoto. Ami took the note which fell out of >Usagi's hand and read it. "Oh, my!!" she clasped her hand over her mouth, >then sprang up, ran out of the room, and downstairs. Mike: (as Ami) It's "Do You Know What Today Is?"! Outta my way, I'm gonna hurl! >"WHAT!!?!" >Minako and Makoto managed to read the note at the same time. "OHMIGOSHNESS!" and they gallumphed out of the room. Crow: Ohmigoshness? Gallumphed?!?! STOP MAKING UP WORDS!!! >"WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?! Why I didn't read it first!?" Mike: Ah, the suspense! >Rei snatched the note. >Read it. Crow: Make me. >And her eyes almost fell down, as she raced out of the room: "WAIT FOR >MEEEE!!" :) ______________________ >The beautiful sunset... A figure of a white cat is in front of the sun... >Artemis?.. Yes, that's Artemis... with bandages on his left and right >cheeks... Crow: The beautiful sun. A white cat in front of it Bandaged Artemis. Tom: SHUT UP CROW! >He was sitting up straight on the bridge's railing... A brick was lying by >him... and a rope was attached to his neck... and to the brick... Tom: Mike! I think Artemis is going to kill himself! Mike: Oh, he's probably just taking his brick for a walk. Tom: You know in Japan, suicide is an accepted way to restore the all important honor, so Artemis killing himself is the most logical thing in this story. >'I have nothing to do in this life without Luna if she doesn't love me... >DARN. Forgot to go to the bathroom!.. Crow: I'm sure that's a thought that goes through many suicides' minds. Mike: (as Artemis) Damn! I forgot to pay the phone bill! Tom: (as Artemis) And I never made dinner! Crow: (as Artemis) And I don't have my walkman! >Well... it's too late now... Well!" >And this moment, Luna cried right into his ear (he almost leaped off!): Tom: (as Luna) DAMN! So close yet so far... >"ARTEMIS! Are you CRAZY?! NUTS?!! IDIOT?!!? STUPID??! Mike: Now, usually, I would suggest NOT saying that to someone who is suicidal, but I'll make an exception in this case. >WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO >DO?!!?!" She clenched his tail and tried to pull him away. >Artemis clenched the railing, trying to jump and shouting: "I have nothing >to do in this life without you, Luna! Just let me jump!.." All: JUMP!!! JUMP!!! JUMP!!! >"No! You're REALLY an idiot!" Crow: (as Luna) YOU STUPID RETARDED WORTHLESS PIECE OF #$%@!!! WHY THE *&%^ WOULD SUCH A LOWLY SCUM LIKE YOU WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE!?!?! >Suddenly, Artemis' tail slipped out of Luna's >grasp and... he fell off the railing!.. But the brick got stuck between the >railings, and Artemis hang on the rope!! Crow: (as Luna) Boy, Artemis is well hung. Mike: (Sharply) CROW! Crow: What??? Tom: Yay! Artemis hung himself! It's over! (Tom start to get up, then notice there's more) Tom: Damn! >"L-L-UNA!!" he hoarsed. >"OH NO!!!" Mike: (as Luna) He's still alive! >Luna ran to him, saw that he didn't fall, teethed the rope and poor Artemis >fell right into the open river. Crow: So upon seeing that he had not fallen, she "teethed" the rope, which dropped him in the water. Good for her. >"AUGHHHH!!!!!" Tom: (as Artemis) I see it all, I see it all so clear now!! >he shrieked as he splashed into the water. >"ARTEMIS!!!" Luna yelped. >"HELP!! SOMEBODY! HELP!!! LUNA!! I CAN'T SWIM!!!" screamed Artemis as he >tried to stay on the water's surface. >"Oh, darn it!" said Luna Crow: (as Luna) Why won't you die?!? >and... leaped off the bridge!! She swam to Artemis >who was already sinking, snatched his collar with her teeth and got him to >the shore. Artemis was unconscious. Luna tried to get the water out of him >by pushing on his stomach. It didn't work. >"Oh, my god! It's all my fault! He's dead because of ME!" Tom: (as Luna) ... Hurray!! >said Luna, tears >streaming down her whiskers... And began to do CPR mouth-to-mouth. Mike: (as author) However, this did not work either, as Luna had no hands... >"BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE, you IDIOT!!" Tom: (as Luna) BREATHE, GODDAMMIT, BREATHE! >Suddenly, Artemis flapped his eyes open, saw Luna's face over him, hugged >her, saying: "So you love me! So you love me, Luna!!" >"I love you, I love you, just shut up!" said Luna, Mike: Repeated repetition of repetitive repetitions repeatedly brought to you by the Repetition Department of Repetition. Crow: (as Luna) Yes, I love you, you STUPID CRAZY IDIOT! >and... Artemis kissed her :) >"Hey! Are you all right guys?? We saw everything! Ooh, you're *KISSING*, >hehe!! cried Ami, Usagi, Rei, Minako and Makoto which were looking down at >Luna and Artemis. Crow: Shouldn't they go fight evil sometime? >"We're NOT kissing!!" shouted Luna and pushed Artemis away. Crow: (as Luna) We were FRENCHING!!! >"But you kissed me!" insisted Artemis. >"I didn't!" >"You kissed me!" >"I didn't! YOU kissed me!" >"No, YOU kissed me!" >"YOU kissed me!" >"But you didn't say anything!" >"IDIOT!!" >"Luna!" >"And that's the lovebirds!" said Usagi. >"You mean, 'lovecats'?" remarked Rei. Mike: (as author) That'll have to pass as funny, I don't have a sense of humor. >"By the way, no better than you and >Mamoru..." >"Rei, I'll kick you off the bridge!!" said Usagi. >"What for? For the truth?" Tom: Apparently, Usagi can't handle the truth. >"REI!!!" And Usagi and Rei started fighting... under the yelps from the >shore: "But you kissed me!" >"I didn't!" >"Kissed!" >"Shut up!" >"But you kissed!" >"Artemis! I'll kick you back into the river!" >"But you kissed me!" >"Double idiot!" Tom: (as Artemis) Double-plus un-good quack-speaker! >"LUNA!!" ______________________ >A month later. >Artemis was sitting in Tsukinos' living room, reading a today's newspaper. >Luna came downstairs and walked to him, smiling widely: "Well, Artemis, do >you know what's the day today?" >Artemis opened his mouth, then closed it: "Wait a minute, Ok?" Tom: (as Luna, psychotic) Today's the day you DIE!!! >He looked at the newspaper carefully, then ran in the kitchen, checked the >calendar for any marks, looked at the clock on the counter, came back to >Luna and said: "December 18th, 1999." >"And?.." prompted him Luna happily. >Artemis felt lost: Tom: (as Artemis) Where, where am I?! Who are these people?! >"Um... Today's not Christmas, that's for sure..." Mike: (as Artemis) Especially since this is Japan, and Christmas is at most a minor holiday... >Luna's smile faded, and changed into a fanged "grin." Crow: (as author) By "grin", I mean 'sadistic smirk'. >She got ready with her paw. >Artemis hopelessly lowered his ears: "Luna! I don't know, all right? Your >Birthday was last month!" >Luna lifted her paw even higher, and four sharp steel-like claws glistened. Mike: (as author) Luna had lost the fifth claw back in 'Nam. >Artemis yelped: "No!! No!!! DON'T!! My face just healed!!!!!" Tom: (as Artemis) Although the scars will be there for life! No! DON'T! >Luna's paw lowered. Without a word, she marched upstairs, and threw over >her shoulder: Crow: This story makes me want to throw up too. >"Today is a month since we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend! >But now I think we should break-up!" >"Luna!!" shouted Artemis and raced after her. "You think I forgot, but I >didn't!" he stood before her on one knee :), and stretched out a velvet >purple box with a golden fish-ring to Luna. Crow: (as author) He had gotten it out of his pocket. Cats have pockets, right? >"Luna, will you marry me?" >Next second, Artemis' forehead was 'decorated' with red lines. Tom: (as author) His stomach, on the other hand, had been ripped open. >"AUGHHH!!!" poor Artemis let out a yelp. >"Idiot!" Luna walked into Usagi's room. >"LUNA!!" >THE END! ___________________________________________________________________________ >PLEASE *ALL* the comments (even the nasty ones!) are welcomed at >sergek@co.ru. >PLEASE SOMEONE WRITE **SOMETHING** Alright, huh?? '_' Crow: Can I write Mike? Can I PLEASE??? May WANTS nasty comments! Mike: Sorry Crow. >(c) Meiko Fiction Publishing Corp. Tom: It's not actually not a corporation, just a front for laundering drug money. The Mafia have May crank out stuff from time to time to make it look legit. Mike & the bots exit the theater 1...2...3...4...5...6 Mike and Crow arrive on the bridge. Tom is there, next to a chart with writing on it. Tom: Mike! Crow! Just sec, I want to run an idea past you guys. Crow: Well, let's hear it. Tom: My idea is based on the concept seen in the fanfic, but I go further! Mike: What, you're going to make a longer and dumber fanfic about the cats getting married? Tom: Of course not Mike! I talking about the past tense verbification! Mike & Crow: Huh? Tom: Past tense verbification! Turning past tense phrases into verbs! For example, in the story Luna says stuff "hurted" as opposed to 'with a hurt voice'! Now I have gone further and will now replace all past tense phrases with a verbed noun or adjective. Try it! Mike: Ok, um, I dinnered last night. Tom: That gooded, but 'last night' should be nighted. Mike: But the sentence becomes unintelligible then! Listen: I dinnered nighted. What the heck does that mean? Tom: Perfectlyed understandable! Crow, you try. Crow: Um, Founded a quarter Mondayed. Tom: Perfected! Mike: But that makes no sense! It's like Double-talk Newspeak! Crow: Nonsensed Mike! Tom: Yes, Crowed said. Mike: STOP THAT! Crow: Stop what? Tom: Gee Mike, you seem upset. Hadded enough sleepped? Mike: ERAAAH!!! Mike runs of screen. Crow: Boy, heed upset. Tom: Yes, wased. End credits.