MST3K: Raye's Comma Bring Two Together This was my first misting, and feedback is apreciated. You can find all my mistings at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml My e-mail address is Servo84@hotmail.com The SOL bridge. Mike it there, drinking from a mug, when Tom and Crow enter from the right. Tom is camo-clad and has camo paint on his dome. In his arms there is a rather large, high-powered sniper rifle. Crow has a red bandanna around his head and has numerous belts of ammo slung around his torso. A huge machine gun with a sling is on his back, and several grenades are attached to a web vest. Mike: Um, hi guys, what's with the guns? Tom: Well, me and Crow just got our big game licenses. Crow: And we decided that if we are going to get our bag limit, we don't want to get it with some sissy 400 caliber rifle. Tom: So I'm using the Remington 1.806 sniper rifle with a 50x infra-red scope. Its accurate up to 4 1/2 miles. Crow: And I'm using a custom-made 10mm autocannon with belt-fed depleted uranium slugs. This baby can fire 6,000 rounds a minute, perfect for getting off a follow up shot at a running deer. I also have some grenades for heavy brush when you can only hear something moving in general area. Mike: Um, I don't really think that there are any deer with us, and don't those guns seem a bit high powered for use on a satellite? Tom: Of course not! Besides, we're all set up. See, we've even made a tree stand. The camera pans right to show a crudely made platform strapped to the side of the wall, then pans back. Mike starts to say something, then notices that Pearl is calling. Pearls van is parked at what appears to be an orbiting convent store. Pearl, Bobo, and Observer are moving various items from the van to the store. Pearl: Oh hi Nelson. You'll have to wait a little while, Bob's managed to get the van infested with lice. Bobo: Now that's just not true! They're fleas, not disgusting lice! Anyone can have fleas! Besides they're tasty and... Bobo realizes that Pearl is looking at him with a rather disgusted look. Pearl:...Anyway Mike, rather that pay an exterminator, I've decided to empty the van and then open a window and suck all the vermin out! Mwa Hah Ha Ha! OK, that looks like everything. Pearl hits a button on her key-chain car remote, and the windows on the van start to open. Little specks and Bobo hair fly out the window. Observer: Wait! NO! Suddenly, Observers brain bowl is sucked off the seat where it was left and shoots out the window. Observer: MY BRAIN! All My infinint nowlege an pwer... on.... L... Observer falls unconscious, landing in a box with movie cases. Film spools are strewn everywhere, becoming hopelessly tangled. Pearl: MY MOVIES! Bobo: (digging around in his fur) Lawgiver, I found another flea. Pearl nails Bobo in the face with a film canister, knocking him out. Pearl: (upset, bordering on hysterical) Never mind Nelson! My experiments will go on! I'll find something to send you! She begins to dig around in the packages from the van, finally finding some crumpled papers. She skims them. Pearl: (voice returning to normal) Here we go, Nelson, your "fanfic" for to day, a likely result of a monkey/typewriter experiment, is "Raye's Comma Bring Two Together". Enjoy! (she turn to the recovering ape) Tick-farm, load the van we've got to fetch pinky's brain. On the SOL, the movie alarm goes off. Mike: We've got "fanfic" sign! 6...5...4...3...2...1... Mike and the bots enter the theater. > Hay everyone! Its me Katie. Mike: (as Katie) and I'm an alcoholic! >Well this fanfic >'She Tares Away Her Gave and Jumps' Mike: Did that make ANY sense to you guys? Crow: Well, maybe... suppose tares is..., No. >is a story I wrote a long tiem ago. When I began writing 'Serena and >Darien' >at Christmas before I sent anything to this page I wrote this. I didn't >exactly want to send it in but after a while I finally desided to send it. Tom: (sarcastically) well, gee, thanks a lot! > So its rateing is PG and the disclaimer is >Sailor Moon does not belong to me. Come vsit my web >page at www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Club/3248/. Kay. >well read on! > "The mere absence of war is not peace." J.F. >Kennedy. Crow: "I did not have sexual relations with Miss Lewinsky!" Bill Clinton. > Raye's Comma Bring Two Together Mike: You know, I have an exclamation point that does the exact same thing. Tom: (as author) Part 2: Mars' asterisk helps the homeless. > By Katie > 'Why must pain feel like pain? Mike: Well, if pain felt good, we would hack ourselves to death. >Why must tears roll like tears? Why must the world turn? Why must >the moon circle the Earth? Why must my heart feel >so broken? Tom: Why must there always be black jellybeans in with the rest? >Why must my heart sill belong to him?' > All those questions she kept asking herself. It >was her last year of University and her heart still >ached when she looks at him. She can't help looking >at him. It only because her best friend Raye is in >the hospital in a comma because of a fight with the >enemie. But she and her friends had defeated the >enemie and that was the end of pain...or so she >thought. Mike: (as Serena) But no, for the fanfic went on, and that turned out to be just the opening paragraph. > You see her is Rayes doctor at the hospital and >everytime she goes to see her he is there. > 'Why must he be there?' Crow: BECAUSE HE IS RAYE'S DOCTOR! What is so difficult about that concept? Tom: Serena must work for an HMO. >is another one of her questions. Almost as importent as her question 'Why >must my heart still belong to him?' > She was on the day of June 30th her birthday >that she went to see Raye again for the one >millionth time in three years. Tom: Meanwhile, the nega-verse is unopposed with her spending all her time seeing Raye, and has secured most of South Asia. >Everyday she went >there along with her friends, but today it was her >birthday and she had said that she wouldn't go. She >had tolled everyone to keep her from going, but she >had to. No matter what. Mike: (as Luna on communicator) Serena! You must hurry to central square! Queen Beryl is constructing a nega-portal that will allow her to take over the world! Crow: (as Serena) Sorry, but I have to see Raye! No matter what. > "Hello Serena. How are you doing today?" the >head nerse Ms. Joy asked. > "Bad. How is raye doing?" she asked. > The nerse shook her head. > "Serena she fell deeper. We're afraid that she >wont wake up. Serena I suggest you go talk to >Darien. He will know more then I." Mike: (as Ms. Joy) It fact, he even knows how to spell "nurse"! >Ms. Joy tolled her. Crow: That hospital must be having major financial trouble if it resorts to tolling visitors. > Serena nodded. > "Thank-you Ms. Joy." Serena said and continued >to walk along the hallway. > Ms. Joy couldn't help but to feel sorry for the >21 year old who had a horrible life these days. Tom: (as Ms. Joy) That poor young man, always having that Serena trip over his broken leg. > "Oh Serena!" Ms. Joy called to Serena. >Crow: (as Ms. Joy) You want a bracing enema? >Serena turned with silent tears rolling down her >face. Mike: Then the silence was broken as the tears bust into song, singing the entire score to the musical "Cats". > "Happy Birthday." Ms. Joy said with a smile. > Serena was able to get out a weak smile. > "Thank-you Ms. Joy." Serena said then turned and >continued walking. > Ms. Joy shook her head. > "Poor kid. She has more problems then anyone >thinks." Crow: Oh, it's a self-insetion. >Ms. Joy said. "Poor girl. Her life taken >away because of a friend." ************************************************ > Serena entered Rayes room. > Darien was writing something down on his clip >board. Mike: (as Darien, muttering to himself) over-bill for morphine, then keep it and sell on the street- Oh hi Serena! > "Good morning Serena." he said. "I thought you >said Tom: (as Darien) That you were going to tare your gave and jumps. >you weren't going to come in today?" > "I lied." Serena said cooly. "How is she?" Serena asked. Crow: (as Darien) She's the best I ever had. Mike: Lets try to keep it pg. >He shook his head. > "She had gone deeper in her comma. I'm afraid >she might not awaken. Tom: And it took Dr. Darien 3 YEARS to come to that conclusion?! > More tears rolled down her face. > Darien put a hand on her shoulder. It was >hurting him to see Serena so sad because he truely >did love her. > Serena slunked down in the chair beside raye and >took out a novel. It was Rayes favoret. It was >called 'Redwall'. (AN: This is a real book by Brian >Jacques. It is my favoret book along wiht Martin >the Worrier. Check them out at the library!). Tom: (sarcastically) Oh I sure will! You wrote this so you obviously know what good literature is! >"Mattias too the huge sword from behind where >the snack lay asleep. He weeled it a bit then..." Mike: So that's where the author learned to write like this! >Serena began to read but Darien took her hand. > "Serena...um...I don't know how to say >this...but... Crow: (as Darien) My shoes is favoret licquid chair. >We're afraid that Raye may never wake >up and we are afraid she has a more seriese problem >then a comma. We're going to give her a type of >shock. If it doesn't wake her up we know she has >very seriese problems Tom: Apparently, a 3-year "comma" isn't "seriese". >and we will have to kill her. Mike: Actually, this is a standard procedure in Japan. People will come in with a wound or a broken arm, are shocked, and then hacked to bits if it doesn't cure them. Tom: On the plus side, their health insurance is very cheep. >We don't know what she has but we're afraid that >its something in her heart and brain. I myself >think that it is just a deep comma but the other >doctors say that paret of her brain has somehow >been crushed in and she will after a while die. Tom: Maybe that "parot" of her brain was crushed when she was attacked by the "enemie"? >I'm sorry." > Serena looked up at him then sat back down. Crow: (as author) Which was odd, as she had still been sitting in the chair. > "I wont listen. She'll be fine." Serena said. >She had a sertin toun of unsurtinty in her voice. > Darien nodded. > "I'm sure she will but we must do this shock to >wake her up but it has a cahnce that it might kill >her." Darien said coolly. Tom: (as Darien) This would save us from having to kill her if it failed, so there's no downside. >Serena nodded and then continued reading to Raye. Mike: (as Serena) and then he weeling tooked the swoard and tree kieght behind the hackly evil... > 'Poor girl. I can't believe that she still >beileves that Raye will be okay. It also hurts me >because she acts like she doesn't like me and I >love her. Arg!!!!' ************************************************ > Serena walked over to the park. She sat down in >a bench that she hadn't sat on for years, almost 7. Crow: Serena knew this because she'd NEVER forgot any minute little detail. >It was her birthday and she had just found out that >Raye wouldn't wake up. They hads tried the shock >and she wouldn't wake up. Crow: Raye is (dramatically) The Thing That Couldn't Awake! > Her life was miserable. Her life wasn't worth >living without her best friend and most importently >Darien didn't love her anymore. > She thought of what it was like to say Raye fall >into the comma. Serena was fighting a monster and >got herself in an imposible situation to live >through. Mike: (as author) It was a major fight and all sorts of really cool stuff happened, then Serena got into the situation! Tom: Wait- How could she survive if it was an "imposible" situation to live through?! >When the monster threw its powers at her Tom: Aww, it wants to play catch! >Raye jumped infront of Serena and took them for her. Mike:(as Raye) I'll take these! > Serena blammed herself for Rayes' comma. Mike: Well, she ONLY managed to get her self into a position in which her friend had to give her life to save Serena's. >It was >all her fault. She couldn't take the pain of >looking at Raye alive in a comma anymore. Crow: Well, the car battery therapy failed so their going to kill Raye soon enough. >She was >sick of living... *********************************************** > Darien ran down the streets of Tokyo. 'Where can >she be?' he thought to himself. Then he remembered >she would always go to the park when she was sad. > Darien dashed down the street to the park just >as he saw Serena turn down the path to the water >fall look out... ************************************************ > Serena held the railing for support. She felt as >if she was going to flip over the railing and into >the water far below. > Serena thought again how bad her life was these >days Mike: ...with her being in all sorts of inane, pointless, and stupid little fanfics. Crow: Don't forget Hentai's! >and desided that life was not worth living. So >she stepped threw the gap between the second wood >rail and the top one and stood on the other side of >the railing, the side which she could jump off to >die... Tom: (dramatically) To sleep! To sleep, perchance to dream! ay, there's the rub! For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause. (normal voice) That's from Hamlet! *********************************************** > Darien ran up the path towards the water falls. >He looked around and there was Serena on the other >side of the railing. > "Serena come back to this side of the railing." Darien called to her >and >stepped forwards. > "One more step and I jump." she called back to him. Crow: (as Darien) gee, I wish you didn't, because I'd have to jump in after you and that water's mighty cold. >Sweat trickled madly >down her face. >Darien felt himself in a cool sweat. "Serena >please. I have good news! raye awakened!" he called >to her. Crow: (as Darien) She's OK, except for some electric burns, nerve damage and memory loss that is usually associated with electric shocks! >"You are just trying to make me feel better and make me not jump." >Serena called back to him. > "Please Serena don't jump!" > "Why shouldn't I. I have a horrible life! My >best friend is going to die because of me! My >future is ruinde because you don't love me >anymore..." Tom: (singing) Something tells me you don't love me any more... > "Because I don't love you anymore?" he >questioned. Mike: (as Darien, dumb voice) Duh, why would that make you sad? > "Yes! Darien you knew our future was Reeny's >parents but yet you still stade away from me! You >broke my heart in two and I can't stand being in >the same room as you! How could you?" Serena cried. > "Serena...I...never ment to hurt you so much." Mike: (as Darien) I just wanted to hurt you a littl- er I mean... I still love you? >he stepped out with his hand outstretched. > "That's it! I'm not going to listen to you >anymore!" Serena called back to him. She tared away >her gaze and jumped. > "SERENA I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he called down >as Serena jumped. > Darien ran to the rail. He looked over and >couldn't see anything in the water. Crow: However, there was a smashed body stuck to some rocks poking out of the water. > "You love me?" asked a voice below him. > He looked down. > There was Serena hanging on by a root about 20' >below him. > He nodded. > Serena smiled. > "Thank-you." Serena said. Crow: (as Serena) Thank you for pretending not to love me and making me suicidal! > The root began to loosten from the cliff. > "Ahh! Darien! Help!" she called. > Darien eyes grew wide. > "Okay I'll get something." Darien looked around >him. Luckily his eye caught a peice of old rope >which used to hold a rope bridge that used to go >over the water. Mike: Ah, ultra modern Tokyo has old rope bridges just laying all over the place. Brilliant idea Katie. >He untied it from a tree and >lowered it down to Serena. > Serena grabbed it just as the root gave way. >Serena began to climb up the rope. She used the >cliff edge as a walk up when she was climbing up. >But just when she was i arm distance from Darien >the rope snapped. > Serena was about to fall when Darien reached >farr over the side an grabbed Serena's hand. > "Few!" Darien said. Mike: (as Darien) Few; Few people realize that I am not a licensed doctor! > "Darien pull me up! Crow: (as Darien) Say please. >Please!" Crow: (as Darien) Duh, okay. >Darien pulled >Serena up to safety in no time at all. > "You love me?" Serena questioned again. > Darien nodded. > Serena flung herself at him and rapped Her arms Crow: ...on Darien's head, knocking him unconscious, then Serena beats him and says "His now deth good on me louve"! Mike: When the paramedics arrive, they shock him to try to wake him up. This fails however, so they run him over with the ambulance. >around his kneck and smiled. > "I love you." she said and kissed him pationetly as the sun slowly set >brining a full moon up. > "And I you. Happy Birthday." Darien kissed >Serena again as the moonlight shown on them like a >spotlight. ************************************************ > Serena and Darien entered the elevator to get to >the floor raye was on in the hospital. Serena still >didn't believe that raye was awake. Mike: I thought she never stopped believing that Raye was going to be OK. > "You are such a liar! Raye can't be awake!" Tom: (as Serena) Plugging Raye into the main power grid didn't work, so there is no possible way that she can awaken ever again since that failed! >Serena growned again. > "Am I ah." Darien snickered. > "Yes! Now I will bet you 10 bucks that Raye is >not awake." > "Deal!" Mike: (as Serena, sing-song voice) la-lala-la, I so sure that my best friend's dead, and it's all my fault, that I'll bet on it! >Dareina dn Serena sealed the bet with a >kiss. > When the elevator reached Rayes floor they Crow: got off. >broke apart and walked away catually as if nothing had >happened earlier. > Darien opened the door to Rayes room and said. >"Ladys first." > "Then why arn't you going first?" Serena smirked >then wlaked in. Crow: On Raye and Ms. Joy! > "Why you little minx!" Darien cried. Mike: (as Darien) *sob* Why, *sniff* you little *sob* minx! waaaaa! Crow: What a wuss. > Serena entered and almost fainted in shcok. Raye >was sitting up in bed talking to the doctors >telling them to call her friends. > "RAYE!!!!!!!!" Serena ran over to her and hugged >her friend tight. Mike: *crack* Tom: (as Raye) Ow, my spine! > "SERENA!!!!!!!!!!!" Raye hugged the girl back. > "Oh Raye I can't believe your awake." Serena cried as she let go of you >friend. > "So Serena, I was talking to these doctors and >they tolled me Tom: (as Raye) ...$7.85 for staying so long! >I was in a comma but they said you >would say how long. exactlly how long have I been >in a comma?" > "Three years today." Serena said. > Raye fell back on her bed. > "Three years! Wow! Mike: (as Raye) Wow! I've missed 3 of what probably would have been the best years of my life! Wow! >Is it three days exactly >today?" Raye asked. Crow: She just said 3 YEARS; maybe they shouldn't have used tasers on her. > Serena nodded. > "Then its your birthday right? I can remember >things like that." > Serena nodded again. > "Happy birthday then!" Raye said and hugged her >friend tightly. > "Thank-you." Serena said quietly. > "Now Serena, its time for gossip! I want gossip! >GIVE ME GOSSIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mike: (as Serena) Well, basically, I spent all my time visiting you, and attempted suicide... OH! I haven't been fighting the nega-verse and they have taken over Asia! ************************************************ > "You may now kiss the bride." the preist (Rayes >grandfather) said. > Darien leaned down and kissed Serena pationetly. >They were now married and that was all Darien >really wanted. Crow: Because now he can get free tail every night! ************************************************ > At the reseption Serena and Darien sat next to >each other and the other scouts were at the table >aswell. > "Well Serena." Raye said as she backed her >weelchair up away from the table. "You've got our >love, now we want ours!" Crow: Yep, Serena got hers, now they want theirs! >Raye snickered. > Everyone broke out laughing. > "I don't think you'll get yours until you get >out of that weelchair and are well enough to walk." >Serena snickered. Tom: (as Serena) Ha ha, you're a pathetic cripple, heh he he, and it's all my fault! ha ha! > "Oh I wouldn't say that Serena," Darien said. >"Just look at Chad falling head over heals for >Raye." > Everyone looked at Chad staring at Raye, >everyone could sware they saw little hearts in his >eyes. > Serena got up and went over to Raye. > "You should hope you cetch the bokay because >you'll need it next." Crow: (as Serena) An then maragie chadd bokay if you cetch! >Serena whisperedin her ear. > Everyone at that table heard it and broke out >laughing. > Raye just blushed and weeled back to her spot at >the table. > Well that's it! How was it? Mike: (giving OK sign) It stank! >I think it was a bit >corny that's why I never sent it in. Crow: 2 notes here- 1, it was not just "a bit corny", and 2, you OBVIOUSLY sent it in. >Well e-mail me >at katielynch@home.com or Katy_Lynch@hotmail.com or >kate_7@gurlmail.com. Visit me at >www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Club/3248/. Well bye! > Katie Mike and the bots exit the theater. 1...2...3...4...5...6 Mike arrives on the bridge. Tom and Crow are nowhere to be seen. Mike: Tom? Crow? Where are you guys? Tom: (whispering) shh, Mike, you're going to spook the deer Mike: What Deer? Crow: There's one! There is a bust of autocannon fire, followed by several loud concussions as Tom joins in. There are several metallic clangs, and a burst of traces shoot in front of Mike, followed by an explosion of to the right. A few seconds go by, and a smoking Tom and Crow emerge from the right, Crow is carrying a cardboard deer with MANY holes in it. Crow has several bullet holes through his head and torso, as well as burns and some fragments stuck in him. Tom's dome is severely cracked, and there is a large jagged hole in the center of his chest surrounded by several smaller ones, and he is severely charred. Crow: (chuckling) Ha ha ha, Well, what do you know? It turns out that it wasn't a deer after all, it was the decoy I put out there, ha ha ha! Mike: What happened to you guys? Tom: Well, when Crow started shooting, I mistook Crow for a deer and shot off a couple dozen shots into him... Crow: Well, this knocked me down, and I accidentally fired off a few hundred more rounds, and managed to throw a grenade at Tom. Suddenly, there is the sound of metal giving way, and a hissing noise. Tom: OH! We probably shouldn't have uses armor-piercing rounds! Mike: Cambot! Give me rocket number 9! The view switches to outside the SOL. There is a small hole in the side. Then a large patch of metal falls away from the side. The view switches back to the inside of the SOL. Mike and the bots are holding on to the front of the bridge as the air is sucked out, along with some assorted junk. Suddenly the tree stand that Tom and Crow made gives way and smacks into the hole, plugging it. Crow: Well, all's well that ends well. Mike: I'm going to have a little talk with you guys... End Credits