Ah, ... Long time no see (or actually writing) from me, eh? Ah well, ... I 
barely felt like writing anything SM related since, uhm, *coughs* August. Well, 
... Sue me if you have to. (please, nobody take that serious *sweatdrops*)

Well, this is just something short for now. I'm working on something else, but 
for this, ... This story is something that just came to mind for me. I didn't 
feel like writing (or actually planning) out a whole story.
Thank you very much.

Disclaimers: I do not in any way own Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon(c) 
(anime/manga) nor the characters used here in this story. They all belong to 
Naoko Takeuchi, Toei Animation and all those other companies. The only thing 
that does belong to me, is the storyline. Mwuahahahahaha!!! As long of course, 
nobody else has written something like this before. I haven't read all the 
fanfiction posted on the web yet, so, ... *sweatdrops*

*~*~*

"Reflections" 

by Greta < greta.maier@gmx.net >

Stared on the 30th of December 2000

Finished on the 6th of January 2001 (happy belated new year! *throws confetti*)

*~*~*

It was dusk. The streets of  Tokyo were quiet. 

Something I seldom experienced nowadays. I was wandering through a park; many of 
the trees around me held lush green leaves. But most of them were covered in the 
cherry blossoms that were now in bloom.

It was a warm day still... Pleasantly warm. Like the warm breath of a lover with 
you, softly whispering something into your ear. Embrace and warmth... 

"Baka... Where are your thoughts wandering off to again..." I softly spoke out 
loud. 

Even though the soft drift around me wasn't cold, I wrapped my arms around 
myself. Whether I was somehow trying to get warm or the feeling of the embrace I 
was thinking of... I don't know anymore. I was barely paying attention to that. 
I wasn't paying attention to anything. 

Why should I? I've got no reason to. None at all.

Something within me stirred. 

/But the enemy ... !/ ...My friends can take care of the enemy just as well 
without me. They don't really need me. But, who needs me nowadays?  No one, ... 
I really think so. And yet part of me argues. Still. Why though? I know that no 
one needs me. My friends could go on without me. They'd always have each other.

My family, ... If the Silver Millennium would have gone on, they'd never even 
have known of my existence. The Three Lights only need their music and once they 
find their Princess they'll be gone. Just like my Mamo-chan...

I almost choked on that thought. As if stumbling over words, I was doing so with 
my thoughts. And yet it wouldn't bring me anything. 

"Damn it..." I slumped down on a bench, overlooking a large lake. 

A certain lake I knew too well. On the little bridge close by, Mamoru had told 
me he'd leave. He'd promised to keep in touch with me and think of me. He meant 
it with his heart. I could see so. 

But, why hadn't he called yet? Why hadn't I received a single letter, or just 
one phone call? 

There was a sudden sting at my eyes... But I swallowed my tears. Pride. Too much 
pride I guess. I couldn't let anyone see. I wouldn't. I was the cheerful, bright 
and bubbly Usagi after all. I would always be. Somewhere within me, anyhow. 

The tears spilled out of my eyes, burning my cheeks as they travelled down my 
face, their saltiness lingering on my lips.

*~*~*

It was sad. Altogether. 

Why wouldn't the enemy stop? Why couldn't we - the senshi of Earth and the 
StarLights - work together? Why wasn't there the distant smell of roses and the 
familiar feeling of love around me? Where was my protector who had vowed to stay 
with me for all eternity?

"Sailor Moon!! Watch out!!" I turned around swiftly, seeing an attack from the 
'new' phage heading towards me. I dodged its deadly sword. Just barely. 

My boots slipped. I fell down, scraping my elbows and bruising my bum harshly. 

Rain beat down on me heavily. My blonde hair clung to my body; I was glad I 
didn't have a tiara anymore. It would probably numb my forehead in this cold. I 
closed my eyes softly as I heard thunder grumbling around me. I was scared of 
thunder. I had always been. 

The phage had full advantage over me; none of the other senshi were close by. 
Nor was my protector. I wanted to scream out into the cool evening. 
Where was he? Why wouldn't he protect me? Why? 

/So what? Fight!! You're *Sailor Moon*. A heroine. Not a little cry-baby!/ I 
hated my sensible side. Only because it was right. It always was.

I slowly opened my heavy lids, turning my head to the side slightly. I really 
had only narrowly missed the deadly blade of its sword. It was still embedded in 
the cool, wet ground. 

Getting up on my knees I looked up, ready to get out my tier and transform the 
phage back into its human self. But ...?

"Coward, ... Get back here, ..." I could only hoarsely whisper to the retreating 
back of my enemy. 

Mars eyed me cautiously before turning back to the phage, heading towards her 
and Venus. They were good fighters. Sensible, realistic. They would make better 
leaders. Better than me anyhow. I had never liked being a senshi. But, it was my 
destiny. 

Cruel destiny... But, was it really so cruel? After all, there were beautiful 
things to my destiny as well. At least, there were supposed to be. 

A scream pierced through my thoughts like a dagger. /You should stay focused!/ 
Shut up, you ever goody-good-two-shoes side of me! I need none of your opinions 
right now. I know exactly what I should be doing! 

I gasped as I turned to look at the phage. The phage was a watery creature; its 
body seemed to be woven out of sparkling water. I saw how it was pinning Venus 
up against a brick wall. Strangling her. And Mars' attacks barely did anything 
to stop it. 

Why didn't the StarLights help?? Damn them. I noticed them out of the corner of 
my eye. They were always around and yet barely there for us. 

"Sailor Moon!! Now or never!" Mars was calling out to me. She was right. 

But... Was she? Now or never... For what? My life made no sense to me anymore. 
Then why should it do so for my friends? My best friends? 

I held my head in-between my hands, bending down towards the ground. 
Arguing... Nothing but arguing going on in my head. And after another strangled 
cry from Venus, I got up on my feet. I had to. But I felt wobbly. I called upon 
the Silver Crystal for not the first time in my life. Feeling its power, I broke 
into a slow run. 

Seeing the phage before me, I realized fully; being a senshi was part of my 
life. It would always be. If I wanted it to or not. 

"Starlight Honeymo-" I was on the verge of calling out my little phrase. I 
choked on my words. 

No; not today. They were wrong. I saw the phage in a different light; I still 
held my tier in my hand. It started to change into a different form, crystal 
clear and still strong. It was the Silver Crystal 'de-formed'. MY Silver 
Crystal. And still beautiful in its very own, somehow wicked way. 

I raised the sword up high above my head; before me I saw no longer an innocent 
life taken advantage of by Galaxia. I only saw Galaxia herself. The too proud 
senshi all in gold. She was the enemy. My enemy. 

She'd taken too many lives; too many innocents for her use. She had used too 
much evil. She was evil. 

With my eyes closed, I forced the sword through the watery body of the phage. A 
strangled cry erupted into the cool night air. 

The only thing I could still feel was thick, warm fluid dripping down my hands.

"Murderer, ..." I whispered out to myself as I sank down on the ground, the 
crystal sword falling from my hands.

*~*~* 

It was dusk. The streets of Tokyo were quiet.

I was walking down the streets of the large city; the warm rays of sun seemed to 
burn on my skin. My feet were heavy. Like bricks. The air around me was thick. 
And I felt more than uncomfortable.

*That* night a few days ago kept coming back to me. I was a murderer. Of an 
innocent life. I wasn't better than Galaxia at all. 

I would give a lot to go back and change what I did. That poor woman - what the 
phage had really been - could have gone on living. I could ask Setsuna. Heck, I 
could force her to change it. To take me back. 

I don't want to take advantage of my power anymore though. I did so a few days 
ago. I don't want to do so again. I was back in the park. Why did I keep coming 
back here? Memories would only hunt me here... Nothing else.

I covered my face with my hands, dry - almost shallow - sobs escaping my lips. 
They didn't seem real to me. So I stopped. 

Nothing seemed real. I'd dropped my curtain. My little curtain shielding the 
real Usagi Tsukino from the world *that* night. I wasn't bubbly anymore. Rei 
couldn't get me angry anymore. The strange stares the senshi had given me that 
day barely bothered me. All I did was return an icy glare. And turn back to my 
life. I had dropped my curtain. Yes. But now, I was wearing a shell of iciness. 

And somehow I couldn't get it off. It clung to me. I clung to it. It was my last 
resort. 

"Kobanwa, Odango Atama!" 

I didn't look up at him. I recognized his voice. Instead, I looked at the lake 
again. The sky was starting to darken.

"I didn't notice it was evening already..." I didn't particularly direct this 
comment at him, nor was I talking to myself.

Slumping down beside me, he sighed as I looked up at him. His blue eyes seemed 
concerned while gazing down at me. 

"What are you doing here?" 

Even his voice was concerned. I only shrugged in reply.

"Usagi..."

I looked up. He had never called me Usagi before.

" ... you're getting to be much too serious. Where has your lively side gone off 
to?" 

My eyes rested on his face for a minute. Or two, or three. I can never keep 
track of time. I never could. Maybe I will yet. Once I'm older. 

Ugh. That sounds bad. Far too wise for me. I shouldn't think of my future yet. 
But, what was there to think about? It was all planed out after all. Ah, well...

"Seiya... Doushite?"

"Hmm?"

"Why... Why did I kill her?" I barely croaked out the words. 

"Don't think about it, Odango. Things just happen. You did what was right. She 
would have finished off Minako otherwise."

"Oh... You don't understand. You  truly don't. I mean... I killed her. Me, the 
defender of everything innocent, the defender of justice... She was young, ... 
Innocent. Galaxia only used her... And I finished her off. Like nothing. I 
didn't even try to turn her back."

I sighed deeply, turning away from him. I buried my face in my hands once more. 
But the dry sobs from before turned into real sobs; tears trickled down my face. 

I could feel his arm around me. Almost hesitatingly. But I flinched at his 
touch, shrugging his arm off my shoulder. Wiping at my face I looked up at him. 
He shook his head at me. 

"Odango, you're weird. Now, you need to cheer up again. At least for today. Come 
to our concert tonight, will you? We can get a drink afterwards or something..." 

I was still looking at him. 

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

*~*~*

 I sighed while I sat at my desk. I was scribbling away on a paper for our 
literature class. Our thoughts on Shakespeare's writing style. 

Ugh. But if I'd be going to that concert tonight I'd have to finish my homework. 
In less than an hour. Ah well… Everything has its price.

Laying down my pen I stared at what I had written. It seemed better than the top 
part I'd written a week ago. Maybe I was getting to be more creative. Finally, 
after years of bad marks. Oh the joy. 

"Me and getting creative… That's a bit rich…" 

Propping my chin up on my hands, I stared out my window. It was beautiful 
outside again. The rain from a few nights ago had gone… A few nights ago… I 
sighed. 

I thought of Seiya's words.  Had I really done right? … Had I?

"Murderer…"

No. I hadn't done right. And I hated myself for it. Rubbing at my eyes I tried 
to keep the tears about to spill, away. 

/You shouldn't cry./ For once my sensible side sounded gentle. Weird. But it was 
right. As always. I shook the thoughts out of my mind. All thoughts. I just 
stopped thinking. Closing my eyes, I only listened. There was a bird somewhere 
outside. It was chirping sweetly… A sweet little story of fairylands and such… I 
heard the soft clanks from my mother in the kitchen, preparing dinner. And-

"Usagi-chan!!!" I nearly dropped out of my chair. For once everything seemed 
peaceful and who had to show up? Minako. Happy, bubbly, lively bundle Aino 
Minako. I sighed. I just *couldn't* be mad at her. 

"Usagi-chan! Kobanwa!! What are you up to?" 

I turned my head to look at her, a small smile spreading across my face. 

"Hey there, Mina-chan."

She looked at me sincerely, tilting her head strangely. 

"Usagi, what *are* you up to?"

"Er… Homework…" I realized how strange that must sound - or actually look - to 
her. 

But Minako only shook her head, rolling her eyes sarcastically at me.

"Anyhow… Seiya told me to come here and bring you something. He said he'd forgot 
earlier on." Minako grinned at me while handing me a thin, white envelope. 

"Maybe it's something romantic. You never know… Go on, open it, Usagi-chan!" 

A ticket. I shook my head at Minako.

"Oh - my - god! The great romance a ticket brings... You used to sense romantic 
things better, Minako." I spoke in a soft, fakely awed voice. 

"Oh, be quiet. But still… A ticket? For what? Seiya wouldn't tell me…"

Ignoring her for a minute I looked at the ticket on my desk. I remembered our 
short conversation by the lake. 

"Minako…" I slowly got up and walked over to her, looking into her blue eyes.

"Am I being too depressed?"

Minako said nothing. Absolutely nothing. Only took my face in-between her hands 
and turned it to a mirror perched up beside my desk. 

"Usagi… Look at yourself…"

I heard the sincerity in her voice. And saw what she meant.

My eyes were red, swollen. I'd been crying too much. There were slight bags 
under my eyes. I hadn't been sleeping enough. My hair looked limp and all fuzzy. 
As if it hadn't been taken care of properly. My clothes were crumpled. And I 
looked dull. I was dull. 

"Usagi… You don't seem to be yourself anymore. What's wrong?" 

I cried once more, not being able to choke out any words for a minute. 

"I'm a murderer, Minako-chan… I murdered her…"

"Usagi… Shh… We're all murderers. We're *senshi*. We've always been and we'll 
always be. We've killed enough enemies. We-"

"But… She, she was innocent… She wasn't the *real* enemy…" I broke down 
completely in sobs. Letting myself sink down to the carpeted floor of my room, I 
sobbed into my hands. I saw Minako sinking down beside me. I felt her warm arms 
around me. She said nothing, just held me. 

"Usagi…" After some time her voice reached me softly. "Shh… Calm down. Get a 
grip on yourself. It was a mistake. Mistakes happen. They always do."

I wanted to speak up, protest. But Minako stopped before I could bring out 
anything.

"Hush. I also came to tell you something. Usagi… Ami checked over her body after 
she came. I don't think you noticed. Besides some interesting stuff concerning 
the enemy… Well, she found out that the woman was sick. She had leukemia. Usagi, 
you saved her from a lot of pain. She would have died one way or another."

My sobs almost vanished. I only hiccoughed a few times. I squeezed Minako 
tightly.

"Really?" I whispered out softly. She nodded. "But… Minako… Still, I - I killed 
her. She could just as well not have had leukemia."

"But she had. Be glad. You saved her from a lot of suffering. And now…" She took 
my hands off her shoulders, pulling me up softly along with her. "What *is* that 
ticket about?"

I rubbed at my eyes. I knew she was trying to get me thinking about something 
else. I was glad about it. "Just a concert Seiya said I should come to."

"And he *didn't* invite me?! The nerve of it…" Minako grumbled slightly. I 
giggled at her. 

"He said I should cheer up. Otherwise he probably wouldn't have thought about it 
himself."

Minako sighed at me, but smiled. "Welcome back, Usa-chan." Her voice was soft.  
"You seem at least a bit better now. And now, you go on and shower. I'll pick 
out a nice outfit for you."

I smiled at my friend. One of my best friends. What had I been thinking? I could 
never live without my friends. Without my family. Without my loved ones. 
/That's the right spirit!/ Ah, there it was… My sensible side. Always there, 
keeping me on the right track I guess. Well, may it be so. I mouthed 'thank you' 
at Minako. She only flashed me a V-sign, smiling broadly.


I sat on a cold stone, freezing my bum off. The concert had been pretty close to 
the seashore. Seiya suggested we come here. I had only agreed half-heartedly to 
meet in a few minutes. After, all I barely wanted to freeze out here. 

I sighed, looking up into the sky. The night was cool, the sky clear. The stars 
were shining down unto this blue planet brilliantly. Somewhere in-between all 
that a full moon shone down on me. But it wasn't all brilliantly sparkling as 
always. At least I didn't think so. It seemed a bit - well - grey. Dull. A bit.

The sea was long, stretching out to nowhere. It reflected the skies above 
brilliantly; better than the best painter.

Sighing, I turned away. The moon told me too many things. Too many stories of 
old memories… Checking my watch, I wrapped my vest around me tighter. 

"Weather… Really… First it's hot and now I'm freezing…" I snarled out into the 
silence. The only thing I could hear was the distant crunching of feet wandering 
on the beach. Probably all those crazy girls going ga-ga over the Three Lights.

I already wanted to get up and leave; but a heavy coat stopped me. 

"Cold, Odango? Sorry about being late."

Seiya had dropped his jacket on my shoulders. I looked up at him, making a 
grimace at his face. 

"You're a good ten minutes late!" I started, scoldingly. "I didn't think you'd 
want me to freeze out here." I mockingly looked hurt.

"Ah, well… Er… I'm sorry." He did look as if he was. "Just that rather annoying 
mob of girls. But, I left Taiki and Yaten to deal with them." He playfully 
raised his eyebrows at me, smiling. 

I smiled a small smile. Wrapping the jacket around me tightly, I stood up.

 "Let's walk, shall we?"

I only nodded distantly. 

"So, how'd you like the concert?"

I blinked. "Er…. It was, interesting..." Truth be told, I'd barely paid 
attention. Only listened to the melodies drifting around me distantly, more or 
less thinking. I hoped he hadn't noticed my hesitant answer. Looking at him out 
of the corner of my eyes, I saw him shake his head at me. 

"Oh dear…" I softly murmured under my breath. Suddenly stopping, I dropped down 
on my knees. I felt the soft - cool - sand moulding around my feet. I shivered. 
Trust Minako on picking out a rather light outfit for a night like this. 

"What's wrong now, Odango?" Seiya looked at me, concerned. I didn't like that. I 
didn't need any concern. I was alright… Pretty much, anyhow. /You sure?/ 

Good question…  I quickly turned away from Seiya. Buried my chin in his jacket. 
My eyes rested on a red rose in one of his pockets. I softly let one hand pick 
it up from there. Twirling it, I sighed. It was beautiful. A red rose. The red 
roses I knew so well… I swallowed harshly, and instead spoke up.

"Seiya…"

"Hmm?"

"… do you know if rose petals are poisonous?" 

"Er…" He was staring at me blankly. "I don't think so…"

Plucking a petal from the rose I sighed. 

"Damn."

Letting the soft petal wander over my lips slowly, I decided against trying if 
what Seiya had said was true and chew on one. That'd be cruel. Poor rose. 
Sniffing its sweet scent one more time, I threw it out into the sea. It 
gracefully landed on the sparkly surface, drifting away. Maybe off to America. 
Maybe Mamo-chan would see it.

I buried my face somewhere in-between the folds of Seiya's jacket.

It smelled of olives. Somehow. I smiled slightly. It reminded me of Mamo-chan's 
jackets. They always smelled of roses. Much like the one I had just thrown away. 
Sighing, I let the jacket drop from my shoulders, handing it back to Seiya.

"You'll freeze. You really *didn't* dress good for a night like this."

I grimaced at him, and mouthed 'I know'.

"I give up, Odango. You're complicated." He looked at me, with a serious face. 
It didn't suit him. He was made for laughs. "You've just been pulling something 
off. Your soul goes deep. And you let no one get deep enough to see the real you 
any-"

"You're right and wrong. I am 'pulling something off'. And there's just one 
person I tell everything. Actually, *used* to…"

"Your boyfriend?"

I lowered my head slightly, hugging my knees. 

"You remind me of him…" I only said it softly. But he heard me. Getting up on my 
knees, I moved up in front of him. "… almost too much." I dropped back on my 
bum. Staring at his face, I remembered Mamoru. MY Mamo-chan. He was mine. He'd 
always be. We belonged together. I'd always known. He knew.

Yet he seemed to ignore me. I reached up one hand to Seiya's face, letting it 
travel up his cheek. 

"You even look a bit like him…" I smiled sadly. Getting closer to his face, I 
continued, whispering. "You're both fighters. Protectors. Serious people; 
loveable people." I brushed one finger over his chin, my face close to his. 

/What *are* you doing?! For Gods sake, stop it!/ I swallowed. My mind was 
arguing with me. My body told me to do something else. 

My lips, instead of brushing his, pecked his cheek softly. I threw myself around 
his neck. Sobbing. 

He hugged me softly, telling me to calm down. I did; slightly.

"Why… Why hasn't he called? Why has he left me here like this? Stranded… I'm 
alone without him…"

"That's not true; and you know that, Odango Atama. You've got the best of 
friends; a loveable family. A future to build with them, …" 

I only continued sobbing. I didn't care what everybody kept telling me. I knew 
they were right. They always were. Just like my sensible side. I felt the tears 
running down my face, probably smearing all the 'fine make-up work' - to quote 
Minako - over my face and unto Seiya's shirt. I didn't care. I don't think Seiya 
did either. 

Sighing inwardly, I pulled back. 

"You-you're a sweeter guy than I thought you were when I first met you, Kou 
Seiya." I brought out in-between hiccoughs. 

He only smiled.

*~*~*

There you have it. It has absolutely no plot. (I personally find the result 
strange O.-) Just something that came to mind and turned out longer than it was 
originally thought off to be. Ah well, ... ^^V Still luv ya all for actually 
reading through this. But lots of thanks goes to my lovely editor, Ali! 
*huggles* She's a sweet person. ^^

But, anyhow, tell me how bad/good/WE-EIRD/etc. it was. If you don't know my e-
mail, I mentioned it somewhere up on the top. :o)

Luv 'n hugs, 

*~Greta~*