BaRkInG sNoUt
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME

7. BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILORPSYCHO

        One day, whilst walking to school, Usagi saw two young boys 
tormenting a cat.  So she rescued the cat by SmAsHiNg ThEiR hEaDs 
ToGeThEr, ThEn RuNnInG tHeM tHrOuGh WiTh A lArGe AxE sHe FoUnD iN 
hEr DaDdY's GaRaGe.

        The cat seemed ever so grateful for being rescued, but had 
trouble getting off a bandaid that had been stuck to her forehead.  
So Usagi rEmOvEd It WiTh A hOt PoKeR sHe'D fOuNd In A nEaRbY 
fUrNaCe.

        The cat started to speak, telling her that it was ever so 
thankful for saving her from the young boys.  Usagi, thinking the 
cat was possessed, SpReAd It LiKe A fInE pAsTe OvEr ThE rOaD!  Then, 
realising that she was five minutes late for school, ran off before 
the cat had time to tell her she was supposed to be the princess of 
some ancient moon kingdom.


        When she got there, she found that she had once more come last 
in the latest mock exam.  That Mizuno Ami girl had come first.  So 
she went to Ami to congratulate her on her success by PlAnTiNg A 
bAsEbAlL bAt In HeR hEaD!  Having had her intellectual capacity 
reduced to half, Ami thanked her, as she would now be able to enjoy 
life for once and not be such a miserable, grade-obsessed whimp.  
Usagi was always happy to help someone in a moment of crisis.


        During the lunch break, she saw that that Kino girl had once 
more gotten into a fight with a gang of boys.  Naru and Gurio tried 
to stop her intervening, so she BuRiEd ThEm Up To ThEiR nEcKs In ThE 
gArDeNiNg MaNuRe and told them to stay there or else they might get 
hurt.  As Makoto smacked the living bejeezus and begorrah out of the 
UsElEsS lItTlE bAsTaRdS, Usagi helped by ChOpPiNg Up ThE eXtRaS wItH 
a NiCe LiTtLe ChAiNsAw ShE kEpT iN hEr lUnChBoX.  When they were all 
beaten up or dismembered, Makoto thanked her, took one of the better 
looking boys and proceeded to do unspeakable things to him behind a 
tree.  Usagi liked Makoto, she was a girl of her own heart.


        After school, Usagi went to see her friend, Rei, who lived in 
a shrine on top of a hill.  Rei went on and on and on about all the 
bad things that Usagi would do.  So Usagi LiGhTenEd HeR uP bY 
hEaDbUtTiNg HeR.  Rei was down for the count for a while, but then 
got up quickly and started crapping on about manga, boyfriends and 
the latest styles of meathooks from which to hang human bodies from.  
She was back to normal once more!  After eating the raw flesh of an 
Amazonian Three Toed Sloth, they performed a Devil Worship ceremony 
and asked the Lord of Darkness what the results of next week's Japan 
Cup would be.  "10, 17, 6, 9."  He said.  "And don't forget to bring 
me back some of those dumplings from the bakery.  The last lot were 
delicious."

        After waving byebye to Rei and Lucyboy, Usagi wandered.  It 
had been a tiring and stressful day, and she needed to relax.  So 
she went over to Mamoru's house, BeAt HiM sEnSeLeSs, TiEd HiM uP aNd 
PeRfOrMeD uNsPeAkAbLe AcTs upon him for about an hour and a half 
until she was totally refreshed.

        "Same time tomorrow, then?"  He asked as she was leaving.  She 
nodded and wandered home.  On her way, she was promptly attacked by 
Jadeite and a couple of Youmas.

        Police wondered who the gibbering, blond-haired man was when 
they picked him up on the sidewalk, next to the two piles of dust, 
the next morning....



        Setsuna sat at the keyboard of her computer and giggled 
inanely as she typed the litany of disturbed rantings.  But, 
unbeknownst to her, three figures crept up from behind, and grabbed 
her!

        After a short fight, she was tied up, gagged and put into a 
sack.  Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru wiped their foreheads as muffled 
cries of protest emanated from the brown yarn bag.

        "Thank KAMI we caught her this time."  Said Michiru.  "She 
almost succeeded in changing time yet again!"

        "Next time..."  Haruka pointed.  "...Make sure she takes her 
medication!"


^_^
DDFA ayanami@merlin.net.au
Ayanami^Rei, Asuka^Langley, PixyMisa, EvilMokona or Futaba^Aoi on
DALnet #ajas ^_^