Glimpses of a Soul, Part One Dremdancer Lights swirled about her. It felt so strange, so right. Energy turned into flesh once more. She tossed her head back, her birthmark shining brightly. Ribbons flew one more time. Then she came out of it. Smiling, she landed on the ground. Eyes wide, she stared at the woman. She clutched the body of her lover in her arms. She was the one, the one who had killed him, killed her friends, and ripped out her heart. Play time was over. It was time to grow up. She stood, and followed her enemy out the door. She stood still as her daughter tried to kill her. It did not matter. If she could be healed, all would be fine. If not, then she would never attack. Everything rested on this. Silently, she prayed for her child to come home. The monster stood defiantly before her. She dusted it with a single phrase. She stared at it bewildered. It was beautiful. The Grail floated before her. Reaching out slowly. she touched it. Light envolped her form. Butterflies swirled about her. Opening her eyes, she looked ahead resolutely. Flowers. Pretty pretty flowers. They were everywhere. It was just herself and the flowers. They sang and danced around her. She saw a rose. Picked it up. What a pretty rose. There was something. Something about roses. She gasped, and all the flowers fell away. She looked at him, then back to the flames coming closer and closer to them. She didn't love him, or did she? Emotions were running wild inside of her. She couldn't tell. But she knew was that she could not imagine life with out him. He couldn't die. She wouldn't allow it. But she couldn't do anything about it either. She had a secret to protect, she couldn't tell anyone. The fire came closer. At last she made up her mind. It was better for him to know and be alive then for them both to die. She spoke the words just as the flames came upon them. Gone. Everybody was gone. Tears ran down her cheeks, unnoticed in the maelstrom. The child turned to her. Smiled. Someone had placed their ultimate trust in her. Resolution replaced the fear, shoving the anguish down into the farthest resources of her soul. Spreading her wings, she flew once more towards her enemy. This time, things would be different. She would not cry. The tears stopped, replaced by a grim determination. She would not fail. She beared the sword. She would not run. Things ended here. She would survive. She knew only these facts. She would win. Everything counted on her. They all needed her. She would save everyone. Sleep beckoned her. She was so cold. She shoved the cold from herself and her friends. She could feel them, all of them, standing behind her, lending support, whispering words of encouragement. She struggled. A dome of warmth emerged from her, envolping everyone in it's warm pink light. It grew, expanding with her will, fighting back the Silence as it did. It grew larger and taller, until it inclosed the whole planet, breaking off the ice that had held it captive for so long. She wanted to stop. She was so tired. But they were counting on her. And she would never let them down. Walls of crystal shot up out of the ground, covering and replacing the ruined city. Something twinged deep inside of her. Releasing what it was, she smiled. She had just for filled a promise, long ago made. She was no longer a princess. Now, she was a Queen. Just to prove to you that Tsukino Usagi is dead is not the only type of writing that I do, here's Glimpses! Soon to be a major motion picture, and coming to a theatre near you! Sailor Moon is not mine. You DID note that she was the main/only character in this fic didn't you? But, even so, Glimpses is mine. It's copyrighted and everything! *copyrighted March 1998 Go read Lianne-sama and Crystal Heart-sama! And a dose of Razzz-sama for good measure! Oh, and join the plunge to make Jendra-sama, (you remember Universal, don't you?) finish her stories! Please! Ann: So if you'd stop chasing after Miss Bubble Head- Alan: Oh, and you're not fixated on Mister Hormones? --------------------------------------------------------------------- Tsukino Usagi is Dead-Part Two Dremdancer Tsukino Usagi is dead. Well, not _dead_ so to say. She's a lot like myself now. I'm not dead either. Serenity pushed Usagi down into the Mind. I say _the_ Mind, as it is one, one for all of us to use, and to share. But that last one hardly ever happens. Serenity is insane, and is too fearful to share. She's afraid that if she does then she'll be sent to the void again. She's right on that one. If I had my way, I'd kill them both. Most people don't realise that we are three souls. Three of them. The Rabbit, the Princess, and ME. Hi. I'm Sailormoon. Nice ta meet'cha. Everyone worries over the Princess. Everyone yells at the Rabbit. No one notices me. I have no doubt that I am not the strongest of us three, well, except maybe phyically. I am stronger then Usagi in that I can use the redimentary's of magic, though I am no where near Serenity's league. But no one cares. You know why? Because I can't get a firm grip on the Mind. I have no control, no power, here. I suspose that's in part because I don't really exist. There was no Sailormoon during the Silver Millinuim, as Serenity so 'kindly' points out. And as Rubius once said, I'm not in the Future, either. I am Temporary. Doomed from the start. The others had it easy. _They_ didn't have to take any active role in _their_ Senshi's lives. Why? Because, they knew, they _knew_ that they would eventually dispell their current host, much like Serenity has done now. Fine. That's great. But what do I get? A few lousey years. Two, actually. With a wimpy crybaby as host. And struggling for superiourisy with two others is _not_ fun. Try it some time. You'll see what I mean. I came into existance when Usagi first saw Luna. No, that's not quite true...The _possibility_ of my existance came then. I didn't actually become _real_ until Usagi said "Moon Prism Power, Make Up" that first time. And even then, new and weak to the world, I couldn't really do a lot. So Usagi, with her added benifit of it having originally been HER mind shoved many of her mannerisms over to me. She kept doing that for the longest time, too. Many of them became deeply ingrained in my own emotions. Gee thanks, Usagi! As time passed, though, I got stronger, better at taking and keeping control. Even then, though, I could feel Serenity creeping around like a serpant in a cool lake. She was always there. Always whispering and complaning. It made me very distracted sometimes. In those times, it was the duty of my counterpart, Tuxedo Kamen to come save me. Tuxedo Kamen. My one true love. Never have I seen a man so handsome before. He has saved me more times then I can think of. More times then anyone else. He made me feel _real_. Alive. My own person. Not this shell I had become. Or actually was. Had always been. Like myself, he was not susposed to exist. But he was always, _always_ there for me. Even before Usagi and Chiba Mamoru got to know and love each other, Tuxedo Kamen was there for me. Even after they had recieved those dreams that King Endymion in the Future had sent them, causing that big split, (boy did Serenity and I get a lot of headaches that time round!) Tuxedo Kamen was there for me. For _ME_. Not Serenity, not the Rabbit. But for me. I have always been labelled off as an off current of Usagi's. Just another aspect of her personallity is what they all think I am. That's all. No more. C'est tout! Well, THEY'RE WRONG!!! I AM my own person! I am Sailormoon, Champion of Love and Justice! And in the Place of the Moon, I will Punish You! Punish you. You and everyone. Everyone who thought that just because Usagi's mannerisms showed through, I was a part of her. Everyone who thought that I would ever, EVER, willingly give up control again to Usagi or to the Princess. No. I never would. Not once. Then you might wonder why I did. I didn't. Never did I say, "Here you go, go ahead, ruin my life and shove me back here with this insane gal." to Usagi. Not once did I say to the Princess, "Hi, why, SURE you can take over, go ahead. Usagi and I will just _chat_ for a bit while you go off and make Crystal Toyko. Take your time!" And do you know the worst thing? No one knows that I am here. And I mean no one. Not Serenity, not Usagi. Like I said, I'm weak at holding the Mind. Usagi was the best at it. Holding Serenity back for years, she just has to be. However, Usagi was an idiot. She never even realised that Serenity was her own person. And believe you me, that is one of her favorite ranting topics. Serenity doesn't know that I am here. She never scanned Usagi's mind for baddies after she was in and settled. And I didn't come until 14 years after that. So neither of them know. Nor do they want to. No one cares about me. No one notices me here. In the dark. Where I can hear Usagi sobbing. I don't make much sence. I know that I don't. But that doesn't matter, now does it? At least I'm not insane, unlike SOME people in here. And I'm not WAILING either, am I? No. I just want someone to see me. The true me. I am not Usagi. She is not Serenity. Serenity is not I. We are Three. Three souls, one body. Nice, huh? No. Not at all. I truely wish that I could hold control. Serenity has an added boost. She can use the Ginzuishou. Usagi also has a bit of a bonus. This is her body. Her Mind. She was here first. Naturally she's going to be better at holding it. Me? I have nothing. What good is a tiara if you can't move your arms? Not that that particuallier one matters. I get a whole new costume when Usagi 'transforms'. Into me. Into _me_. It was odd, those first few times. I would suddenly be there, awake, but not always alert. Well, I had only just been made! Then after I throw my tiara, or used whatever magic wand I had at the time, I suddenly would find myself in the dark. But not alone. Never alone. Serenity was there. She was always there. Ready and willing to take over for me, as she said on many occasions. But I didn't want her to. She thought that I was Usagi, just, with a flasher costume. She was wrong. They all were wrong. I am here, now, aren't I? In the Night. I was always in the Night, even when I did have control, even in the blazingly hot sun. That's what I was made of. And I hate it. My one and only job was to protect the Earth. In anyway possible. So I killed. I've killed over hundred times, over a thousand times. I have commited genocide. Most, if not all of the Negaverse youma's were killed by me. On that one though, my hands are only grey, not black. Serenity was the one to seal them off, to lock them away in a world where the sun had died. Where the only things to eat were each other. But I have killed. Never a human. No, not a human. Not to my knowlage. I have healed humans from being monsters, and in a way I think that it helps to appease my soul. Trust me. It need's it. A true killing machine though is what I am. Born to die and to take others with me. I can use the Ginuishou too, to a certain extent. Ironically, I can use it for healing only, while Serenity can only use it for destruction. Interesting, eh? I think so. The neatest thing about this is that while I may only have control a short bit of time, and while no one knows that I am here, I am the most famous of the group. Perhaps in the World. A lot of people know the Rabbit, sure, she's a school girl. She's expected to have friends. No one knows of Serenity outside of the baddies and the Senshi. And they don't realise that Serenity and Usagi are not one. But everyone knows me. Everyone! There is not a playground in Japan where girls don't play at being me. I have seen cults made in my name. Not really one's most noteworthy accomplishment, I know. But as I am susposed to be dead as well, down here, I think that it's great. No one missed Serenity, because no one had heard of her. Usagi won't even be thought of as gone, just, _changed_. But me? People will miss me. They'll miss hearing my warcries as I battled youma. Won't they? They will, won't they? It's loney here. In the dark. I have limited understanding on what's going on, _outside_. In the Light. I miss the Light. Today they are celebrating something. Serenity is going through the motions, but she doesn't even know what they are celebrating. It's Usagi's birthday. She just told me that. Usagi can still make Serenity hear her. She was not telling ME that it was Usagi's birthday. She was telling SERENITY that it was Usagi's birthday. Fine. Have your little one-sided conversations with her, Rabbit-girl. She won't answer you. You know that. That's great. Ignore me. Fine. Just dandy. That's swe-... Never mind. It's just that, sometimes...Sometimes I just want to run. Far and free into the sun. Not into the Night. I have had enough of darkness for one lifetime. For twelve lifetimes. A million of them. I was created to kill, remember? I want to surround myself with light so that I can block out the darkness inside me. I have such a cheery life. Sometime's I wish that I could cry. Then I remember. I don't have control. And I'll never have Control again. Or will I? **AUTHORS NOTES** Sorry that this one is so short. I wasn't planning on a second part to this, TUiD was susposed to be a one part thing. But a really nice guy named Jim wrote to me, (Hi Jim!) and asked if I was going to spin the idea out. I thought it over, and said, 'Sure, why not?' So here you go, TUiD, Part TWO!!! Hope ya like. And if not, well, hmm. It's kinda susposed to be dark. Sorry at that if I offended anyone. But just remember...It's only a fic. Only a fic. Just to let you know, I am working on two other things right now, as well as whole jangles of ideas that I would love to see posted. One of which is another, 'dark' fic, told by an unusual, (ihopeihopeihope!) narrater. Sorry guys, I love this villian! Nothing more on that now. It should be out this week, and if so, you might have already read it, and I am annoying you, or else you have yet to read it and I'm giving away spoilers. The other is the First Chapter to my opious, Faerie Queen! Thank you Jewels and Jim for your wonderful comments again. I have never been published before, so it's really nice to see that people read Newbie stuff! Go now and read Memories Past and Present by Laurel Anne-sama. It's great! And Razzz is a wonderful author! Make her put out First Love Part Six soon! Oh, and last but not least, Crystal Heart-sama, whom I believe to be the Queen of SM Silver Millinium Romance stories. I thought that I would have a heart attack reading Guarding Heart it was so good. Try it! Oh, and I just want to say that I'm sorry. I meant to have this out last week but there was pilot error and I forgot, and a thousand other things happened, and I sorry, and please, _please_ forgive me, and I'm babbling and I'll shut up now if you'll forgive me! C'est tout! (please email me!) Dremdancer dremdancer@hotmail.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- Tsukino Usagi is Dead- Part Three Dremdancer I am not dead. I have been dead before, let me assure you. I know what it is and what it feels like. This is not it. Dead was, oh, I don't know. Cold, I guess. This is not cold. Not really. Well, it is, but not like that was. But it's dark. So dark. I can't _see_ anything. If I try, then I can see what's going on outside. What Serenity is doing in my body. I don't do that too much anymore though. It hurts too much. To see _my_ friends talking and laughing with _her_, is horrible. To watch them carry on like nothing is wrong...And to them nothing is. All is well to them. They don't know what has happened to me. That I have been -displaced- so to say. They merely think that I have finally matured. Become the Princess that they always wanted me to be. They don't know that my fate awaits them as well. Inside of them, each of them, they harbor the Senshi. Like Serenity, they are parasites, reling on others for life. Soon, they will put my friends aside and take over. I can't let that happen. I'll do anything to stop that from happening. But to stop it, I need to gain control again. And I will. I'm patient. I've already waited almost two years. I can wait a thousand more if need be. Someday I'll break out. And I'll warn my friends. And my love. My love. Oh Mamo-chan. Poor Mamo-chan. I love you so much. Now though, the only times that I see you are in memory. I can't stand to watch you, with her...laughing with her...talking with her...kissing her...I can't watch that! So when you come, I hide. You never notice me. I hide that well. You might ask how this all happened. Kama-sama, I was naive. So naive. Innocent, some might say. Foolish, others. I choose the second. I always knew that I was different. I learned to walk and talk early. To do everything before my peers. That was because of Serenity. She would whisper to me, tell me how to do things. Tell me what I should and should not do. But I never trusted her. She seemed cold, and very old. Bitter. Like the old lady down the street who yelled at kids going by her house. So I tried to ignore her. Forget what she said. I learned to do things on my own, with out her help. But by then it was too late. I had been considered one of the smartest kids at school, doing work well above my age level. And it was all because of Serenity. I could do the work easy enough. But I wanted her out. Out of my head, out of my life. I thought that the best way to do that was to do the _oppisite_ of what she wanted. I practiced being forgetful. I threw my exams, going for worse grades. But Serenity didn't leave. She stayed, and just got angrier. She screamed at me all the time. So I learned, slowly, to block her out. To seperate her from me, to draw a fine line between us, where we had been beginning to merge. I made sure that we would never become one. At the time, I was what? Five? That at most. I decided then to be normal. Like the other girls at school. I knew that they didn't have thousand year old beings whispering to them at all hours of the day. I would be just like them, and maybe Serenity would finally go away. So I forgot. No, not really forgot, just never thought about it. I never spoke of anyone of Serenity, even though Mother still speaks sometimes of the 'invisable friend' that I had had when younger. I blocked Serenity out. I vowed never to speak of her again, never to think about her. I emerged myself in girlish activities, friends, dolls, kawaii stuff. It all went great. Until Luna came. Luna. She was my friend, my advisor. I saved her from a bunch of school boy bullies, and in turn she gave me the 'gift' of being Sailormoon and the Moon Princess. Heh. That's rich. She gave me a locket, and told me to speak some magical words. I did. Then lights, flashing pink lights, and I was shoved into the backround of my mind. So to say. That's when Sailormoon was created. She was very weak, and Luna was yelling at me, so I took over. I ran to the OSAP jewlery store, where Naru's mother worked, and Sailormoon took over, to give her speech, and then faded again. She came one more time that day, when Luna made her toss her tiara at the youma. Then she went away, leaving me with the mess. Everytime I transformed, she was there. It was like, shifting perspectives, or something. I'll admit, I never guessed that she was her own soul, not for the longest time. I guess it was because she gained strenth so gradually. There's a lizard, I heard Ami talking about it, that if you put it in cold water, and slowly turn up the heat, it won't notice that it's being slowly boilded to death. I'm like that. Every time Sailormoon took over, I chalked it up to instinct. It wasn't until Serenity trapped me that I realised that she was her own person. However, everytime I try to talk to her, she ignores me. Sailormoon is trapped in her hatred. Of me. She hates me, I have no doubt. But her hatred is not like the one Serenity has for me, but more like the one that I hold for Serenity. Doubt not that I hate Serenity. But mine is much different then hers. Serenity's hatred is of madness, old and worn. Sailormoon's is much like hers. But it's cold, cool and calculating. She awaits her chance, I as I do mine. She wouldn't hesitate to kill us both, Serenity and I. I would do the same of her as well. What a bloodthirsty fool I have become. If given a moment, just a single _moment_ alone with the Ginzuishou, I would wipe them both from me, and let them perish in the harsh outer world. A soul without a body, unless it is being perserved somehow, is nothing. It wastes away, and dies. It is the same with a body and no soul. If I could only gain control again for just one minute, then I could seal my position as Dominate. I could take back what is mine, my body. My mind. I would renonce the Senshi to my friends, let them know the truth. But if I did that, and they too were able to cleanse themselves, there would be no more Senshi. No more protection against the Darkness, against the Silence. Who would fight, if not us? And I? I, who was to be Queen? What about me? Neo-Queen Serenity had not seemed any different then myself. To be true, I only met her breifly. I actually became her once, which makes me wonder if there is another in here somewhere that I do not know about. She could be here too, for all I know. But, what if she's not another of her own? What if the Neo-Queen was myself? Or Princess Serenity? Certainly not Sailormoon, she's too vindictive to be a good queen. Then again, that one time that I did become Queen, I became her from Sailormoon's form. That seems so long ago. But even then the difference's between Sailormoon and myself were glaring. She was so protective of Chibi-Usa, determined to sacrifice all, if Chibi-USa would be safe. Why didn't I see it sooner? It's so dark here. And I'm alone. Not alone, but Sailormoon is too lost in her hate to hear me, and Serenity ignores me. What can I do? Except wait. Watch and wait. For years, if need be. But I don't want to wait like that. I want to hear Mamo-chan whisper to me, to _me_, not Sailormoon, not Serenity, that he loves me. I want to watch Rei at the Sacred Flame, and feel the cold wood floor under my knees. I want to read manga, and play vollyball with Minako-chan, and taste Mako-chan's cooking. I want to hear Ami lecture about something or another. I want to feel Luna's soft fur benieth my fingers. But most of all, I want to be myself. Not this being that I have become. Not this person who thinks that she can last millenia if needs be. I want to live my years, then die in my sleep, in Mamo-chan's arms. I want to see Chibi-Usa, or what ever child I recieve. I always wanted to be normal. Well, the truth is, I _am_ normal. I'm seventeen years old, people! I'm too young for all of this. I am still a kid, a young frightened kid, scared that every one will leave her to the rantings of the beings that possesed her mind. And angry that the one's that she loved best would leave her to wither away, trapped in her own mind. They don't see any difference. I am the Princess Serenity, to them, finaly, as I was always susposed to have been. They don't miss me because to them, I'm not gone. Changed, perhaps, but not gone. I'll never be gone. And now you're going to leave too, aren't you? You're gong to go away, and leave me here, aren't you? Well, that's fine, just fine! Good ahead, laugh at poor little Usagi, all alone. Laugh all you want. I don't care. I don't care! But please...don't go...I'm scared here, in the dark. There's no one to talk to, to confide in. Everyone hates me here. I can't help it. Sometimes I wonder if I did get control again, if I wouldn't throw myself of a cliff, and kill all of us. I want to die. I'm cold, and afraid. And no one even notices that I'm gone. And I'm so scared. Don't go. Please. Don't leave me here. All I ever wanted to be was ordinary.... TSUKINO USAGI IS DEAD TSUKINO USAGI IS DEAD TSUKINO USAGI IS DEAD *** AUTHOR'S NOTES: Cheerful end note, ne? THink what you will about me. THis is my last instalment in the TUiD series. It's done, and I am glad. I don't normally write such dark stuff. Not usally, anyway. I really don't have a lot to say. The inner knowlage of Usagi is something to think about. The girl who never wanted to be more then ordinary... Anyway, I'm sorry that this is so short. THis was all that there was for me to say on the matter. What you come up with is your own. I have to say though, that the things that inspired me were, in order: Saturn's BGM Jared's predicament in Circles, (go read it, it's wonderful!) A Reluctant Princess, you know, where Serena screams out: My name's Serena! Not Sailormoon, Moon Princess, not 'moon' anything! I just want to be an ordinary teenager, can't any of you understand that?!? And, finaly, Usagi is Dead, Usagi is Dead, Hip, Hip, Horray, by Darkdayforamine. I also have to apologise if I have upset anyone. This was not meant to copt anyone's work, and I would appreciate of you did not copy mine. All standard disclaimers apply. And I really do love Sailormoon/Usagi/Serenity/Serena/Sailor Moon/Princess Serena/Bunny/whateverelsehernamesareintheotherversions intheworld. I wouldn't put her through what I do if I didn't! Email me, 'kay? Dremdancer dremdancer@hotmail.com