Sailor Moon is copyright 1992 by Naoko Takeuchi. 
North American Rights for Sailor Moon are owned by 
D.I.C.  

Rating:  PG

Note: I just revised some of the grammar and the 
format, cuz the old one was really sucky.  A couple 
more sentences here, another word there.  Other than 
that, nothing's changed.  I DID NOT change or 
add to the ending.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Letters ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


December '99

To my ever so dearest Usako,

	Hello, love.  It's me, Mamoru.  Yes, yes, I 
know what you're thinking.  'Dearest?  Love?  Is this 
the same man who shattered my heart into so many 
pieces that it can never be mended?'  

	It is.  It is I.  But I'm writing you this 
letter for a reason.  It's to tell you: I'm sorry.

	I'm sorry for failing you.  In the Silver 
Millennium, I wasn't strong enough.  I couldn't 
protect you.  Some may say I killed I you.  I 
probably did.  

	I'm sorry for all the times I made fun of you.  
I did it to see that fire in your eyes.  To see your 
face scrunch up in determination, trying to 
retaliate; it was the funniest thing in the world to 
me.

	I'm sorry for any time I may have made you feel 
unloved or unappreciated.  I did it because . . . how 
do I put this?  Our relationship was steady.  I knew 
that it would always be there.  I knew that I loved 
you and always would.  I knew that you loved me.  I 
figured I didn't have to keep showing you.  One of my 
more idiotic thoughts, I know.

	I'm sorry for breaking up with you, for 
breaking your heart, for causing you to cry.  I did 
it for your own safety.  I didn't want you to die.  
You can't die.  Do you understand how much misery the 
world would be in if you didn't exist?

	I don't think you do.  I don't think you 
realize your importance in the world.  And no, I am 
not referring to Sailor Moon.  I am speaking of 
_you_, Tsukino Usagi.  You are a necessity.  You are 
the world.  You are the hope, the life.  And you are 
my love.  

	Can you put a price on time, Usako?  Do you 
think that's possible?  Every moment is fleeting.  
Every second gone by before you know it.  And though 
fleeting, time is eternal.  It is always there.  Even 
if everything else in the world disappeared, time 
would still exist.  So more importantly than can you 
put a price upon time, do you need to?  

	It's just like my love, my everlasting 
adoration for you.  You can't put a price on it, 
because it will always be there.  It has never 
disappeared, and it never will.  Do you understand 
Usako?  Do you realize what I'm trying to say?

	I LOVE YOU!!!

	I never stopped.  It was all an act, a foolish 
one at that.  You make me exist.  A glance at you 
makes me smile.  You are my life, my heart; you are 
my very existence.  

	I don't know what else to say.  I said what 
needed to be said.  So, now, I end this letter. I 
loved you before, I love you now, I'll love you 
still.  I bid you adieu, love.
	
		Your prince,
		Your protector,
		Your love,
	
	Chiba Mamoru aka Mamo-chan


	He ran his fingers through his midnight strands 
and sighed . . . loudly.  He cracked his knuckles and 
stood to stretch his back for he had been hunched 
over writing for a long time.  He glanced towards the 
window and noticed the outside.  It was snowing.

	Snow.  So white.  So pure.  So innocent.  So 
soft and gentle.  It was beautiful.  It really was.  
He longed to be a part of that.  A part of that 
purity.  He had been at one time.  When . . . when he 
was with . . . with *her*.  

	But that was all over now.  'Over'.  The word 
echoed dully through his mind.  'It's over,' a voice 
taunted.  'And it's all your fault!' the voice 
hissed.

	He became enraged as the body-less voice mocked 
his idiocy.  He let out a strangled cry of . . . 
frustration?  Pain?  Longing?  One couldn't tell.  He 
stood up abruptly, knocking the letter off his lap 
and throwing the pen against the wall . . . hard.  It 
bounced off harmlessly.  The sky blue papers slowly 
fluttered to the floor, finally settling on top of 
one another.  

	He realized he _was_, in fact, part of the 
snow.  But not this innocence.  He couldn't be part 
of something this wholesome without her.  It was 
impossible.  It was insane to even imagine it 
plausible.

	No, he was part of the violent side of snow.  
The enraged snow storms, whirling desperately.  The 
howling wind, screaming hysterically into the silent 
night.  The piercing icicles that drove themselves 
deep into Mamoru's heart, painfully embedding 
themselves deeply.

	He walked to the window, breathing hard.  He 
leaned his forehead against the cold glass, breathing 
into it so it made a fog.  He was fascinated by what 
he saw.  What did he see?  People.

	He saw children playing.  He saw adults 
scurrying around, trying to get their children 
inside.  Out of the cold.  'They can get out of it,' 
he thought, close to tears.  'Why can't I?'  

	'Because you choose not to.'  The voice was 
back.

	He gritted his teeth.  'Her safety . . .'

	'Do you really believe you are keeping her 
safe?  That she is better off without you?  Are you 
blind?  Did you see those tears?  Do you think they 
meant nothing?  The life, the light in her eyes.  Do 
you think that is gone because of a cause besides 
you?  If you believe that, you are a fool!'  The 
voice was getting louder.  Impatient.

	'I need to do this.'

	'You are a coward.'

	'GO AWAY!  I DON'T NEED THIS.  I DON'T NEED A 
STUPID LITTLE VOICE THAT I HEAR IN MY HEAD TELLING ME 
WHAT I AM AND AM NOT!'

	'Not your head, Mamoru.  Not your head . . .' 
The voice spoke softly, gently, before it faded away.

	Mamoru trudged back to the couch he had been 
sitting on previously.  He fell back onto it, landing 
with a muffled thud.  Leaning forward, he buried his 
face in his hands.

	'Not my head.  Not my head . . . but my heart.'

	"Usako," he softly cried aloud.  Longingly.  
Despairingly.  Hopelessly.

	He stayed in that position.  How long?  
Seconds, minutes, time had no meaning.

	He let his head hang in defeat.  He looked up 
to show two rivers flowing down his face.  His eyes 
were empty.  No, actually, they weren't.  They were 
full of aching, and regret, and anguish, and no hope.  
No hope existed in those seas.  But there was 
determination.

	He stood up and gathered the papers that had 
fluttered to the floor.  He looked at them.  Those 
pieces of paper.  They held his feelings and his 
thoughts.  They held the words that would lead to his 
salvation, his resurrection from this hellhole that 
he called life.  That letter.  Those pieces of paper.  
They would save him.  They had to.

	He walked over to the fireplace and looked at 
the picture that stood there.  It was of him and his 
Usako, hugging tightly, smiling brightly.  How 
appropriate that the sun was shining that day and 
that the blue sky was littered only by a few white 
clouds.  

	He stood there, looking at the picture, the 
letter gripped tightly in his hand.  'She's so happy.  
And she's going to be happy, again.  I swear it.'  He 
was so determined.

	He looked at the letter.  He folded it once, 
and then twice.  He held it in front of his face and 
lightly kissed it.  

	'I love you, Usako.  You will know that.'

	'It just won't be soon.'  And with that, he 
threw the letter into the brightly burning fire.

	The flames licked at the paper, trying to 
consume it.  Mamoru kept his eyes on the letter, 
watching it catch flame and curl and burn.  The 
burning letter reflected in his eyes.

	With the burning letter came burning tears, and 
Mamoru shut his eyes tightly.  'One day, you'll know.  
You'll know.  I love you.'


~ End ~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Hi and hello.  I guess I should intro myself.  I go 
by Honey (don't ask why; I mean, do you really want 
to know?).  *g*  This is my first attempt at a story.  
So, I hope you enjoyed it.  If you want, you can 
email me.  Comments, suggestions, and criticism 
welcome.  And if you don't want to email, well, I 
guess I won't be getting an email from you.  *g*  
Thanx for reading.  Adios!!!

HoNeY
hnymustd@hotmail.com
05/31/99
revised: 07/04/00