You Don't Remember How I Feel By Doug Helm and "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl Those characters that are original and the story "You Don't Remember How I Feel" are copyrighted (c) 1999 by Douglas Helm & Will Wolfshohl. This fanfic and hundreds of other Sailor Moon fanfics reside in "Tuxedo" Will's SM Fanfics Archive at http://members.xoom.com/questails/gateway.htm and http://rivendell.fortunecity.com/traveller/861/ Send comments to: Douglas "Candle Light Author" Helm (dhelm@log.on.ca) or "Tuxedo" Will Wolfshohl (wwolfshohl@logicon.com) Chapter 15 - Stirrings from the Past Hugging her stuffed bunny, Usagi sat on the couch and watched the program that was on the television. A noise drew her eyes to her right and she saw Misako crawling onto the couch. Her sister was dressed in a set of green overalls and a pale yellow shirt. She glanced down at own outfit, a set of blue overalls and a red and white striped shirt. Usagi sighed a little and looked back at the television. "What's the matter?" Misako asked sleepily as she hugged her teddy bear. "Nothin'," Usagi remarked, "I was just thinking about the time we went to the flower gardens. I think I wore this exact same thing." She couldn't even bring herself to think of her mother as her big sister anymore. "We had a lot of fun then... especially when we..." She gave another little sigh and looked gloomily at the television. "Especially when?" Misako mumbled. "Nothin," Usagi replied while waving her hand dismissively. She turned her head to regard Misako who appeared on the verge of sleep. "Ne, are you okay, Imouto?" Misako blinked and looked sleepily at her sister. "Hai." Yawning expansively, she gave her sister a smile. "I'm okay, Onee-chan. Me and Mom worked some stuff out." "You wouldn't tell me what, ne?" Usagi asked. "Iie," Misako replied and then gave an apologetic smile. "I know you're worried about me, Onee-chan, but..." "So you forgave Mom, ne?" Usagi asked. She couldn't keep a note of hope out of her voice. Misako shook her head and it was all that Usagi could do not to look disappointed. She was about to say more when Endymion called out, "Usagi-chan, come help me with lunch. Since your mother and Misako made breakfast, then the least we can do is make them lunch." "Hai!" Usagi squeaked and after giving Misako another look, slipped from the couch and headed for the kitchen. She looked back over her shoulder but her sister was out of sight. Turning around, she walked up to stand beside her father and asked, "So what are we making, Dad?" "Hmmm... I don't know. What would you like to make?" Endymion asked. "Pudding?" the six year old asked. She giggled as Endymion looked with mock disapproval at her. Crossing her arms, Usagi furrowed her brow in concentration for a moment and then said, "Well what if we make something that Misako really likes? She made pancakes for me this morning." Endymion smiled and lifting Usagi up so she could sit on the counter, he said, "You are a very smart onee." Usagi giggled. ****** The rest of that afternoon passed almost without incident. Usagi accidentally sprayed her father with some paint. Endymion finally decided to get into the act and ambushed all three girls with the hose. This ultimately led to Misako, Endymion, and Usagi spending time in the corner. Misako was in the corner because she had teased her father for being put into a corner by Serenity. Endymion was in the corner for spraying everybody with the hose. And Usagi was in the corner for "unladylike" language. It was, therefore, quite a shock to Minako when she came walking into the Royal Suite around four that afternoon. "Do I even want to ask, Serenity-chan?" she asked while raising an eyebrow. "Err... iie," Serenity began then giggled, "Okay, minna, time's up." "You did that on purpose!" Usagi protested. "Yeah!" Endymion added while looking rather sheepish. "Don't worry, Endymion-sama," Minako offered, "There is a silver lining in this urinal." The others gaped at Minako for a moment before shaking their heads. "And how do you figure that, Commander?" Endymion asked. "Well, you standing in a corner like a naughty kid ain't too bad. Um... I mean I don't think it even tops you running around in my Sailor fuku." Endymion took on a thoughtful expression for a moment and then nodded. "See, I told you." "So what brings you by, Minako-chan?" Serenity asked while motioning for her visitor to take a seat on the couch. "Business or pleasure?" "Umm... neither really, Your Majesty. I just wanted to see how things were going." She regarded the two little girls and added, "And to warn you that Elder Mercury's gonna give you two a thorough PHYSICAL examination." "NANI?!?" Usagi and Misako squeaked. "She wants to see how being in a regressed state has affected you," Minako elaborated. "Iie!" both wailed. "She has those cold thingys!" Misako complained. "And needles!" Usagi added with a shudder. Both girls looked at each other and then fled from the room with terror in their eyes. "Maybe... Maybe I shouldn't have said anything," Minako speculated. ****** Serenity giggled to herself as she turned the page of a spiral bond book. She was sitting in bed reading. She looked up as the bedroom door opened and her husband came in. He raised an eyebrow when he saw her in bed. "Are the girls in bed?" "I just checked a little while ago and they were both out cold, Serenity," Endymion replied. He walked over to the bed, sighed, and lay down. Throwing his right arm over his eyes, he commented, "What a day. I didn't think the girls would have fallen asleep before bedtime." "Actually, I'm surprised Misako lasted as long as she did," Serenity said while turning the page of her book, "She's been up early and she played herself out today." Endymion gave a little sigh and turning to his side, propped himself up on his elbow. "Ne, whatcha reading?" Serenity cleared her throat and read aloud, "My daddy is like a puddle, lotsa fun." Endymion blinked and pushed himself up further so he could see what his wife was reading. "My sensei is like a bath, no fun." Endymion chuckled and said, "Nani? What in the world is this?" "This is one of Misako's composition books she did when she was little." She giggled then. "I found it when I was looking through the storage closet. I even found their baby albums." "What does it say about you?" Endymion asked and then said, "Gomen..." "Actually, it's not that bad, Endymion," Serenity explained, "Or at least when I was on her good side." Endymion raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Serenity flipped back a couple of pages and said, "Mommy is like my teddy, I can hug her." Serenity smiled a little and then sniffled. Endymion wrapped his arm around her and she sighed a little. "Here's what she thinks if she's mad at me." She flipped back a few more pages before saying, "Mommy is like pee, yellow 'n' stinky." Endymion's eyes bulged as he started to cough. "That's terrible!" he said, "I can't believe Misako wrote that." He took the book and flipped through some more pages. "Well at least she wasn't that vulgar in the others." He turned to look at Serenity. "Ne?" "She was little, Endymion, and considering when she wrote that, I'm surprised she managed to say anything nice about me at all." Serenity reached down and after a moment, produced several sheets of paper. "What are those?" "Usagi's drawings..." "What? No compositions?" Endymion asked with a small smile. Serenity gave a little sigh but smiled. "Iie, Usagi's compositions mainly concerned Misako... hard to say though, she rambled a lot." Endymion blinked. "Of course, her drawings show her feelings a lot clearer." "Oh?" Endymion asked. Serenity nodded and handed him the picture that was on top. The page contained three things. The first looked like a brown mountain. The second was of a tiny person who was running towards the mountain and then, there was a large, orange, bipedal carrot with fangs and claws. "Uh... I think I remember this one." Endymion furrowed up his brow and said, "Isn't that the time Usagi wanted nothing but chocolate pudding and we wouldn't give in?" "She was particularly upset with me." When Endymion looked questioningly at her, she inquired, "Who do you think the carrot is?" Endymion smiled. The next picture showed a family with a mother, a father, and a child. There was another child off to one side with what looked like a suitcase. "For a long time, I couldn't figure this one out. I tried asking Usagi but she would never tell me." "What's it supposed to be, Serenity?" Endymion questioned. "If I had to guess, I'd say it was Usagi saying she wanted Misako gone." Serenity moved to the next picture she had and commented, "But this one makes Usagi look like a different person. I think it was just after Usagi returned from the past the first time." It was a fairly decent picture of four people. Endymion and Serenity could recognize themselves by the color of the clothing and the height. They could also tell Usagi and Misako apart. In this one though, Usagi was grinning and holding hands with Misako. "That's quite a jump. Do you have more?" "Hai," Serenity said, "But most of them are in binders. These were just loose." She frowned a little and continued, "I can almost follow along what happens. As Usagi got better at drawing, you can tell when Misako was happy with her and when she wasn't. You can tell when she wasn't happy with either one of us too." After looking through the other pictures, Endymion nodded in agreement. "I see what you mean. So how much of Usagi's art do you have?" "She hasn't shown anything to me in awhile now, Endymion. Some of the binders are missing too," Serenity stated softly, "You know, I think there's only one picture that Misako's ever drawn in the entire Royal Suite and that's in Usagi's room." She sighed a little. "Well maybe she'll try drawing again. I know Usagi would certainly like her work." "So you two had a good talk, ne?" Serenity gave her husband a sharp look and he held up his hands. "I'm not trying to pry but you two've been up late two days in a row." "Hai, we had a good talk," Serenity confirmed and then sighed heavily. She looked down at her hands that were in her lap and added, "I think we needed this. I didn't realize how bad things were." "I didn't either, Usako," Endymion said gently as he hugged his wife, "Do you think we can ever have our family back?" "It'll take a lot of work, Endymion, from all of us," Serenity answered. There was a short pause and then she continued, "Ne, do you think we could find something for Misako to do?" "Like what?" Endymion retorted, "She's only twelve. You stopped her from taking gymnastics because she was pushing herself too hard." "I know," Serenity admitted softly, "I guess I'm just feeling guilty is all. Usagi takes up a lot of our time but I think now, Misako isn't so resentful about it." Endymion nodded then said, "Usagi being Crown Princess is a good thing though. It'll give Misako the space she needs. Usagi cares a lot and you can see it in her art." ****** That Thursday morning, Serenity padded into the dining room with a cup of tea and sat down at her chair. She took a sip of tea and was just putting down the cup when she noticed the envelope. "Ne, what's this?" she asked her daughters. "I don't know, Mom," Misako answered, "It was there when we came back from gettin' dressed." "Yeah," Usagi said, "And it was addressed to you and Misako. Misako wouldn't open it 'til you got here." "Endymion?" Serenity called out, her husband came into the doorway, and looked at his wife expectantly, "Is this from you?" "Hai!" Endymion replied with a grin, "Just a little something to remind you of yesterday." His grin got even wider as Misako and Serenity gave him a wary look. Even Usagi tried to shift around so she could look at her textbook and keep an eye on her father at the same time. "Open it, Mom," Misako directed. "Thanks a lot," Serenity muttered as she carefully opened the envelope and looked inside. Frowning a little, she pulled out the item that was inside and let out a little gasp. Misako got up and came around to look at what her mother held in her hand. "Where on earth... when did you get this developed?!?" "Nani? What is it?" Usagi asked. "It's a picture... of me 'n' Mom. We're all muddy," Misako remarked as she looked between the picture and her father. Endymion smiled and made a motion like he was about to produce a rose but instead produced a camera. "Amazing what you can do with a digital camera and a good color printer, ne?" Usagi got up and walked around to stand beside her mother. She gaped at the picture for a moment and then started to giggle. "I don't think I've ever seen you that dirty, Mom. Although... Misako gets that bad just playing Youma Catch." She giggled even more as Misako made a grab for her. "Girls, please..." Serenity said sternly. Misako and Usagi glared at each other for a moment and then giggled. "Well, I found some interesting pictures too." "Nani?!?" Usagi asked, "What pictures, Mom?" "Hai, what pictures?!" Misako asked. "Wait until after lunch, Mesume, then we'll sit in the living room and look at them, okay?" "Hai," Misako replied, "Ne, Usagi-chan, wanna have a game today? The grass isn't that wet now." Usagi glanced at the clock and shook her head. "I already had my mud quota for the week yesterday..." she grimaced, "Then again, mud ain't as boring as this history project." Misako sniffed at that and turned back to her own homework. She looked up at her mother and saw her mother's eyes twinkle with mirth. "Me and you can do something, Miko-chan," Endymion offered, "If you want to?" Misako agreed heartily and set about completing her homework. Serenity took a deep breath and sighed happily; things looked like they'd be peaceful today. ****** An hour or so after lunch, the Royal Family gathered in the living room. Endymion and Serenity sat far enough apart to allow their children to sit between them. "Now," Serenity began, "I was looking through the storage room and found these." She reached into a box she had sitting on the floor beside her and pulled out two photo albums. "What are they?" Misako and Usagi asked simultaneously. "Baby pictures," Serenity declared. She blinked as Misako and Usagi gave a scream and tried to get up but their father held them fast. "They aren't that bad." She got a wicked grin on her face and added, "Or would you prefer I read to you from your early composition works?" "This," Usagi began, "Might not be so bad." "I don't know... I've seen me as a baby." She giggled as Serenity shot her a stern look. "You've seen these before?" Usagi asked. "Hai, she has," Endymion chimed in before Misako could say anything. "So who goes first?" "'Sagi," Misako volunteered, "She's the oldest." She grinned as her sister stuck her tongue out. "Well, Onee-chan, you ARE the oldest." "Fair enough," Serenity agreed and putting one album to the side, she flipped open the other and started commenting on different pictures. Usagi felt like crawling under a rock and dying. If Hana or Ikado ever saw these, her life would be over. About two hours later, Serenity had finished showing all of the pictures in both albums. "Of course, there was that one time I let Misako pick your punishment, Usagi-chan." "Hai," Endymion said with a smile, "She said every dish had to have carrots in it." Usagi huffed, "That's cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me." "You deserved it," Misako retorted, "Picking on me like that." Usagi stuck out her tongue and Misako replied in kind. "That's enough!" Endymion warned sharply, "The next person to stick out their tongue will stand in the corner for an hour... and no dessert." Usagi sulked a little and commented, "At least when I was Queen, nobody could tell me what to do." "Yeah, you just thought you could tell EVERYBODY else what to do," Misako replied. She giggled as Usagi glowered at her. "Okay so I made mistakes but it's a lot easier being an adult than a kid." The rest of her family snorted. "Nani? You think it's easier being a kid?" "Hai!" Endymion replied, "Sure, I had school but Hana was nice." He thought for a few moments and added, "And you and Misako looked after everything for me." Serenity smiled and closed her eyes. "I remember feeling warm and safe." She opened her eyes and looked at Misako. "I didn't have to decide anything. It was quite a treat." She looked at Usagi. "Although I did miss my mommy." Usagi blushed a little. "Gomen, Mom, that was one mistake I tried to fix. I don't know what happened though. I just got into doin' your role and got carried away I s'ppose." "So did I," Endymion said, "Although... both of you tried to keep me on the straight and narrow." Usagi snorted a little at that, "Yeah right, I catch you doing something wrong and make Misako punish you. Then I turn around and take you to Court when I told you that coming with me depended on you being good." Sighing a little, she mused, "I wish I was back there now. But so I could change things... make them better." Serenity sighed a little wistfully, "I wouldn't mind being back there either." "It be a lot easier, wouldn't it?" Endymion looked down at Misako and said, "Ne, what about you, Miko-chan?" When Misako shook her head, Usagi prodded, "Not even for a short time, Imouto?" When Misako didn't answer, Usagi at first was puzzled then something occurred to her. "I wouldn't want to be Queen all the time." "Why not?" Misako asked, "You really got into the role." "That's just it, Imouto," Usagi explained, "It was a role... It wasn't really me. Sure, I liked it but I was losing something very important to me." "Honto?" "Honto," Serenity agreed softly, "I'd only want to be there a short time." She smiled at her youngest daughter and added, "I don't think I'd ever want to replace the original." She gave Misako a wink. "That's right," Endymion agreed. "Why wouldn't you want to go back?" Serenity asked. "I would," Misako chirped, "I mean I did feel proud about what you guys did and stuff." "Honto? Like what?" Endymion asked with curiosity. "Well... how you looked after Mom. You were a great onee," Misako replied wistfully. She glanced at Serenity and fell silent. "Nothin' about me, Daddy?" Serenity asked with a small smile, "What's the proudest moment?" Misako's cheeks flared crimson and she said, "You would ask that, ne?" Serenity just blinked at her. Usagi was gloating, a hug grin spread across her face. "The proudest moment, MESUME, was... um... when you had... when you had a p-potty success." As Usagi howled in laughter, Misako felt like crawling under a rock. ****** Around midnight, Usagi leaned away from her parents' door with a huge grin. "See, told ya they'd be busy." Misako just wrinkled up her nose. Turning, Usagi walked down the hallway. "That was a pretty good act." "I wasn't actin'," Misako said grumpily, "I was having a nice dream." "Was it about Senji?" Usagi asked. She grunted as Misako's teddy bear hit her in the head. "H..." she began but Misako clamped her hand over her sister's mouth. "Mrphf?!?" "Be quiet, 'Sagi," Misako hissed, "Why'd you wake me up in the first place?" "I'm thirsty," Usagi replied, "And I want something besides water." "So?" Misako asked, "You don't need me to open the fridge like before." "True, Imouto," Usagi replied, "I can get the milk but WE need something to go with it. So, you're gonna get the triple-chocolate fudge cookies that Mom has stashed." "Me?!?" Misako squeaked with indignation. The little girls were in the living room and she came to a sudden halt. "Why me?" "Because you're the youngest and if we get caught, Mom won't kill you." "Forget it," Misako huffed and turning, started walking back to her room, "I'm going back to bed." Usagi grabbed her by the arm and brought her up short. "Please Onee-chan?!?" Usagi begged, "You can climb better than I can too." "Forget it, 'Sagi," Misako repeated. "I need your help... Pretty please, Miko-chan?" Usagi begged, "My tummy says I'm hungry." As if to prove the point, Usagi's stomach gurgled. "Sounds like it says it's already full," Misako countered. When Usagi gave her a pleading look, she sighed a little and relented, "Okay, but you're gonna take the rap for this if we get caught." "We won't get caught..." Usagi assured her, "Yeah, we're in six year old bodies but we can think of all the possibilities." ****** The room was dark except for the small amount of moonlight that slanted in through the bedroom window. Misako, who was lying on her tummy, raised her head from the pillow and wondered what had woken her up. It was the touch of cold dampness that told her. Sleepily, she shoved her sister. "Five more minutes, Daddy..." Usagi mumbled and rolled from her side to her back. "'Sagi!" Misako hissed, "Wake up!" As she became more aware, she thought, It wasn't her mattress. One of Usagi's eyes slid open to regard her with annoyance. "Na-ni?" "You peed in my bed!" Usagi sat bolt upright and then turned to Misako and squawked, "I did not!" "Don't fib about it, 'Sagi," Misako retorted, "I can FEEL it!" Usagi, whose temper had started to rise, slid from the bed and turned the bedside lamp on. She glanced down at herself and noticed that her pajamas were perfectly dry. "See?!?" she argued while turning around to regard her sister, "I didn't wet the bed!" "Then what's this?!?" Misako demanded as she pushed herself to her feet. She glanced down, expecting to see a damp spot where her sister had lain but instead noticed that it was her pajamas that had a dark wet spot. "You used an ice cube, ne? And after I helped you get Mom's cookies 'n' stuff!" Usagi's face reddened in anger and her mouth opened and shut as she sputtered with indignation. The smell that wafted its way up to Misako's nose that told her the horrible truth. she wailed mentally, Misako thought and glanced down. She gave a sigh of relief when she saw that her teddy bear had been off to the side. Her relief fell away though when she realized that she'd been lying atop Usagi's stuffed bunny. "MY BUNNY!!!!" Usagi shrieked in horror. The little girl made a dive for her stuffed rabbit and scooped it up. After a moment, she turned angrily to her sister and yelled, "YOU... YOU..." Misako didn't hear what else her sister said, she was crying too hard to even listen. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment and her vision blurred. Despondently, the little girl plopped down onto the bed, wondering what to do. It was a moment or so before she felt someone gently shaking her. Sniffling, she rubbed at her eyes and when her vision was clearing, she noticed that Usagi was looking at her but didn't appear angry. "Don't cry, Miko-chan. It's not your fault," Usagi said, "I mean you did have a lot of milk." Misako sniffled and looked at Usagi's stuffed bunny. Usagi noticed the look and put a weak smile on her face. "It's just a little spot." Trying to cheer her sister up, she added, "Guess you got me back for all those teddy bears I destroyed, ne?" Misako gave a choked giggle and sniffled again. Misako reached over and retrieved her prized teddy bear. Carefully hugging it for a moment, she held it out for Usagi. "Here, Onee-chan, you can have this until we get it washed." "I don't need it, Imouto," Usagi said. "Please?" "Okay," Usagi agreed as she took the bear. "We should get some sheets though, and change the bed." She looked at Misako. "Why don't you clean up and I'll get the sheets?" "How about you go to bed in your room? Misako can get cleaned up and we'll change the bed," Endymion's voice remarked. Both six year olds gave yelps of surprise and whirled around to face the direction from which the voice had come. They saw both their parents standing in the doorway of the bedroom, both looked haggard. When Misako started softly crying, Serenity walked across the floor and over to the bed. "Ne, Miko-chan, why don't you go get cleaned up and I'll get you some fresh pajamas?" Misako nodded and slipping from the bed, headed for the bathroom. "Come on, Small Lady, I'll tuck you into bed," Endymion instructed as he walked over to the bed and held out his arms. Usagi stood up and allowed herself to be picked up by her father and carried from the room. ****** Serenity gently tapped on the bathroom door. When there was a soft reply, she opened it and looked into the bathroom. Misako was sitting on the toilet in her bathrobe. She was looking very unhappy. "Oh! Gomen nasai..." Serenity apologized and started to leave. "That's okay, Mom," Misako declared, "I was just waiting." Serenity came in and shut the door. "Here are some underpants." Misako slid from the toilet and took the underpants. "Would you mind wearing this?" Serenity held up the T-shirts Misako typically wore at night, at least when she was normal. Misako blinked and said, "That's what I usually wear to bed. That thing will be huge on me." "I know, it will be big on you. It might even be too big but I think it'll do until morning." "Why not pajamas, Mom?" Misako asked as she finished putting on the clean underpants. "Well, Miko-chan, your one set's already in the wash and the ones you were wearing tonight will need to be washed too." She added, "And it's a little late to phone up Rei." Serenity knelt down and asked, "Ne, would you like to be eight?" Misako blinked and made a motion as if to speak but fell silent. "I know how hard it was for you when you were this age, Miko-chan. By eight though, you weren't having very many accidents." "Would you make 'Sagi eight too, Mom?" "I'm afraid not," Serenity replied, "Iie," Misako answered after a moments thought, "I'm okay with this. I know it isn't permanent." She looked at the shirt and asked, "This is just for tonight, ne Mom?" When her mother nodded, she squeaked, "Okay." Holding up her arms, she waited while Serenity put the T-shirt on over her. Misako looked down at her self and giggled, "This thing almost touches the floor." Hugging her mother, she declared, "There are some advantages to being six." "Nani? Oh, like what?" "I get lotsa hugs and..." Misako trailed off with a grin. "And?" Serenity prompted. "I have a perfect excuse for playin' in the mud." "Oh Miko-chan..." Serenity said with a laugh. "Let's go to bed." As Serenity lifted her up and headed out of the bedroom, Misako remarked, "I have another reason for wanting to be six." Serenity stopped and looked at her expectantly, "I wouldn't want to be the onee. That's 'Sagi's job. I'm just about as tall as her and that's good enough for me." She giggled then and said, "Don't tell 'Sagi but it's funny watching her. She has a harder time 'cause she's so much taller than I am when we're normal." "She does?" "Why do you think Dad lets her sit on the kitchen counter?" Serenity frowned and stated, "I think I'll have to have a talk with your father about that." As they left Misako's room and crossed over the hall to the master bedroom, Misako gave her mother a startled look. "Your onee conned your father into letting her spend the night so it's only fair you get to too." Misako just gave a little sigh and put her head against her mother's shoulder. End of Chapter 15 Coming next in Chapter 16 - All Good Things...